Then I was young.
You were born right on time, your due date.
You were smiles and challenges
and growing up together.
Ashlyn, 5 months old
Now you are almost grown.
You are A’s in Math and contagious smiles
and you are never, ever late for a thing.
Ashlyn, 15 years old
——————-
Then you were Baby A
fragile and small,
serious and full of light.
First to come home, to walk, to speak.
McKenna, 3 months old, a few days from her actual due date.
Now you are beauty and health,
hot pink nails and dainty tip toes.
You are never last, for anything.
McKenna, 3 1/2
——————-
Then you were Baby B.
You were tiny and quick,
your size, no obstacle.
Determination and strength brought you finally home.
Parker 3 months old, barely passed his original due date.
Now you are morning hugs and spilled milk,
sweet I love you’s and perfect couch dives.
Your small little stature, perfect for speed.
Parker, 3 1/2
———————
Then you were unexpected blessings,
small but strong,
kissed and loved by all kinds of little faces.
You stretched our hearts to limitless bounds.
Sawyer, 11 months old
Now you are still baby
but all boy,
cheesy grins and extra stories at bedtime.
Your perfect little self, always shining the light.
Sawyer, 2 years old
——————
Then you were Baby C.
The first I touched,
the first we held,
the life we lost.
Hadley 2 days old
and the pause between my words.
You are teary smiles and
bubbly little girls.
That empty space
where there should be one more picture.
You might also like...
Comments
Powered by Facebook Comments
I'm Jessica, 30-something mom to five, four in my arms and one in my heart.
Jessica, your words are so beautiful. Your babies and you are beautiful. My heart aches for your loss.
Twitter: donutsmama
This comment pretty much sums up what I wanted to say so I am just going to say ditto.
Thank you to you both.
OMG Ashlyn’s baby pic- ADORABLE! That grin is to die for.
All your babies are so sweet, Jessica!
You, your words, your pictures, your babies, all 5 of them – stunningly beautiful. xoxo
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
Thanks so much Alison.
You my friend have a way with words. I have tears as I look at your beautiful babies and read your beautiful words.
{{{HUGS}}}
xoxo
Twitter: mommyneedsvaca
Seriously, you are most likely to make me cry! Like always, an absolutely beautiful post. And such great pictures
Twitter: supermomboots
they are all so very beautiful…
your grace and strength continue to amaze me. couldn’t get through to the end without tears.
Thanks so much Jenny.
You are so brave for writing this. Thank you for sharing. It must be so tough to bury a child. HUGS
Your words, your children, and you… So beautiful. You’ve brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. {{hugs}}
Twitter: MamasMonologues
Oh sweet friend, I am speechless.
Sending love.
This is beautiful.
Twitter: galitbreen
your children are so beautiful. what a touching post!
i can’t even imagine!
Wow, that was beautiful! It took my breath away. Not only is it a wonderful thing for all of us to see, but it is a wonderful memory for each of your kids. So beautiful!
Was thinking that as I wrote it, that I hope some day this is a post they cherish.
So many blessings, such painful heartache, and seriously amazing strength and hope in this post, Jessica. Thank you for sharing with us.
Seriously Jessica you always make me tear up, and remember all my special angels that I never got to meet in that way! She was so much more than Baby C and I can read that in your words! That pic that you are missing is so well imbedded in your heart, and I thank you for letting us see that pic in your words!
Twitter: ErinsMiracles
lovely post. may hadley’s memory be a blessing.
beautiful babies… beautiful children… beautiful words of love & loss… you are full of beauty Jessica, and you bring tears to my eyes.
Twitter: rustilyn
Your babies are gorgeous. And so is your rainbow.
Twitter: mommyshorts
This is beautiful.
Twitter: kidthingsnet
Beautiful.
Each and every one of your children and your descriptions of them.
Hugs to you. xoxo
Twitter: letters4lucas
Your babies are all so adorable and your descriptions are great for them.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
Beautiful. Just beautiful. I couldn’t do it, but I’m with you. And grateful to have found you.
Twitter: katiefhurley
So glad we\’ve connected. We will just keep pulling each other through. You will be able to do it one day.
Beautiful children. So much love in your words for each of them xo
Oh wow, what a beautiful post. Your babies were beautiful, all of them!
This is so beautiful. Love
Twitter: momgosomething
All 5 of your babies are adorable and special! Your words about them are so precious!
Twitter: babspinfrance
Beautiful babies. I love you. xo
Twitter: sellabitmum
Hugs.
Twitter: L8enough
They are all so very beautiful, your children and your descriptions of them. It is so very clear that all five of them are your heart.
Twitter: angelaamman
I love that you shared all your beautiful little ones. They are all so cute!
Beautiful and sweet.
Twitter: reneerodriguez
You always make me miss Hadley too, even though I feel I don’t have a right to.
Twitter: Taminginsanity
This is the perfect comment. Sharing her keeps me going.
Your words give me goosebumps! So beautiful!
How you always put things together so well I will never know.
Beautiful!
Twitter: tsharp12
Your babies are all beautiful and your words capture that beauty.
Twitter: _MamaJules_
Loving. Beautiful. Heartbreaking.
Twitter: Gfunkified
So lovely. You have an incredible gift of sharing your heart through your words.
Thank you for your beautiful post about your children. It was so fun to the the befores and afters of your sweet kiddos. My heart goes out to you for little Hadley.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read.
You have a beautiful family.
Twitter: rockthemini
well. you leave me speechless and breathless. know i’m thinking of you right this very second. hard.
Twitter: mommakiss
Beautiful words XXX
Twitter: jeancarroll32
The pictures of your children brought huge smiles to my face.
Seeing your oldest, who is so determined, independent and empathetic – so smiley from the start.
Your middles so perfectly different but beautifully similar. I wanted to reach through the computer and kiss their little baby faces.
And your baby. So much a big boy but always mommy’s baby.
Then.
Your little girl.
My heart aches.
And then I thought maybe there’s a reason for all of these meme’s, linky’s and posts.
So that we always remember.
And so we can love her too.
Awww, my first cry from a comment in a while. Thank you Leighann. xoxoxo
I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said in the comments. So beautiful. So speechless. Hugs to you always and to all your beautiful babies.
Twitter: NaynaDub
Thanks so much Elena, I always appreciate your support.
Beautiful. Each and every one!!!!
Twitter: amyeatlivelaugh
This is beautiful, touching and heartbreaking at the same time. Your children are all just gorgeous, even your sweet angel baby.
Twitter: amandaaustin
Oh my gosh Jess. I love this post! Amazing. Cute photos too.
Twitter: naptimemomtog
“The pause between my words…”
That’s when the lump in my throat became official.
I’m not a crier, but I am someone in awe of your strength.
And beauty. And legacy.
You are the perfect mother for each one of these children.
But you knew that already…
XO
Thank you Julie, I can\’t tell you how much your words mean to me. xo
You made me smile and then you made my eyes tear up. You are a true gift…to your babies, to the written word, and to us.
Awww, thank you so much.
“…and the pause between my words.”
Achingly beautiful.
Twitter: SaidKristin
Beautiful, of course! What else do I expect when I stop by.
Thanks so much Jenny!
oh this is soooo beautiful. What a gorgeous tribute to ALL your children.
Twitter: ksluiter
This was beautiful, Jessica.
Goosebumps. There’s really not much more I can add except that I’m really overwhelmed with emotion right now. My heart surges for your beautiful children and aches for your loss. What a talented writer you are. *HUGS*
Twitter: MyPixieBlog
Thanks so much Charlotte, this post was really emotionally overwhelming for me too. I think it will always be one of my favorites and I hope one day my children love it too.
Oh, you made me cry! I love the way you express yourself. Beautiful pictures, gorgeous babies.
Twitter: JenAnnHall
You make the most beautiful babies, Jessica.
I can see that even through these tears.
I am ever in awe of you, Jessica, and I am so blessed to call you my friend.
Twitter: NicholeBeaudry
A very touching post, had me riveted to my screen the entire time. Took my breath away. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, I know it means a lot to other mothers that have experienced the same thing.
Beautiful. Just beautiful. I can’t write anymore because I am so moved.
Twitter: melanieb120
Ah, Jess, don’t know how I missed this a few days ago. Just beautiful. Way to rip my heart out. Again.
Twitter: SquashedMom
Sorry Varda! But thanks so much for reading. Truly appreciate you as always.
Oh my, you certainly took my breath away. You have a way with beautiful words- there should be a tissue warning on some of your posts. Amazing.
Twitter: PorchSwingMom
Sorry for forgetting the tissue warning. Thanks so much for reading Ashley, this post means so much to me.
You always “wow” me with your words. Such a touching a sweet post.
Your words transcend space, land on my heart and resonante. You, my friend, are so stoic and such an amazing mother ad writer. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby but can see that they are always with you in your heart and on your mind. SUch a beautiful, touching post.
Twitter: TruthfulMommy
this took my breath away, jessica. you always manage to silence all the noise around me when i’m reading.
precious photos.
Love.
Twitter: erinmargolin
Oh wow. Your words are so simple, yet touching and heartbreaking.
Twitter: notmommyofyear
Glad to see P doesn’t wear princess dresses when he rides his bike, they tend to get caught in the spokes. Don’t ask me how I know.
Twitter: funnyorsnot
It was lovely to spend a little time with you at the Urban Sitters dinner at BlogHer.
When we met, I knew I had heard of your blog and read some posts, but didn’t know the backstory. This is a beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss. All your children are beautiful – and I love your writing. Have a great weekend…
JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..Motherhood + Antidepressants = Zero Libido. Sound Familiar?
Twitter: jdhonestmom