New Life

Long limbs stretch the length of my lap, auburn curls linger at my cheek. The melody of our rock lulls her sleep and I inhale her weight, her warmth.

Melting to her, our lines begin to blur. I soak in the life I have missed and vow to never leave this space.

As we sway, a pinch of consciousness tells me I cannot continue.

Fighting the urge to drown in our rhythm, I press my back to the worn rocker and lift us.

I settle her into a space that has always been and lay my palm at her back. Memorizing the rise and the fall and the peace, I move away.

˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜˜

The clock is as I remember, the wall is not.  A mocking beep swirls, voices echo, my chest burns.

I cannot swallow. Frozen, I cry with no sound.

Hot tears of recognition flow as I piece together where I have been and where I am now.

My eyes reluctantly focus. Tubes protest my head’s attempt to turn.

I see him again, for the first time.  Hospital tape suspends his picture to my bed rail.  How many hours has he lived without me?

Expectant faces watch a monitor for signs that I can sustain myself.

I can.

New life is waiting.

newborn photo

The picture taped to my bed, in Intensive Care.

I was never ready to share this until now, when I read this prompt, and knew I could do it:

Write about a season of change for your character or you. It can be literal or metaphorical.

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    • Jessica says

      My delivery with my youngest was life threatening and during the time I was unconscious I had a very vivid dream/experience of holding my daughter who passed away.

    • Jessica says

      I could not ask for a better compliment Nancy. Writing is healing for me and to think that it helps others in anyway is more than I could ask for.

    • Jessica says

      Thank you Cheryl. I have started to write this piece many times but could never \”go there.\” As soon as I read your prompt for Friday I knew that I needed to do it. It was hard to go through the motions of it all again but something I needed to do. I can\’t thank you enough for the community you have built at WoE.

  1. Jennifer B says

    Absolutely powerful & beautifully written. I had chills reading this and tears streaming down my cheek. So glad I came across this post. xo
    Jennifer B recently posted..Vacation

  2. says

    Oh Jessica….this was so powerful and emotional, I had to read it twice. More slowly the second time, really taking in your descriptions and feelings. So hard for you to share, I am sure.

    But what a journey you’ve been on. And thank you for trusting us all to share your words with.

    Much love to you…
    Sherri recently posted..Mourning Lessons

    • Jessica says

      Thank you Sherri, honestly I was afraid to share the fact that I had been through even more drama that I had never blogged about. I appreciate what I have learned from the journey but am hoping the years to come are much less eventful.

  3. julie moore says

    i find sharing my pain healing. I pray this was healing for you. It is so honest and beautiful. Thank you for being courageous.

  4. says

    Such beautiful writing to describe such a tough memory. Your courage and strength shows through in your words. Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself, as well as your exceptional talent.
    Katie recently posted..A Bus to Nowhere

  5. says

    I just read it 4 times because it’s so beautiful and I wanted to make sure I took it all in, word for word. Thank you for trusting us and sharing your heart and feelings and these moments with us here. xo
    Elaine recently posted..A Reluctant Princess

  6. says

    After.I was awed and amazed by your writing I was transported and I swear I felt every moment with you . Thank you for trusting us enough to share this memory with us, this was so beautiful I am in tears. Love u Jessica!
    Kir recently posted..WOE: Kimmy: The Good Girl

  7. says

    I know this was difficult for you to write, but it is heart-wrenchingly perfect. You did more than write about a memory here; you transported us there, to the quiet comfort of your before and the aching strength you find in the after. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
    angela recently posted..Planning for Halloween

  8. says

    I knew you could do it too, knowing even so little about you. it’s beautiful and I am crying. The writing is wonderful and full of thought. I’m so honored and happy you shared this. Writing truly does help us sort out the inexplicable. I think. I hope. I hope you are finding that.
    wendy recently posted..40 Is the New Breakdown

    • Jessica says

      Thank you so much Nichole, this was a tough one for me but something I needed to write about and I truly appreciate your prompts and what they are able to help me put into words.

    • Jessica says

      Thank you Alison, I am so glad you always comment soon after I post because this post was hard to share and seeing your response was a huge sigh of relief. (Sorry for the tears)

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