Dear Hadley,
I want you to know that yesterday was just for you.
Your Daddy and I dreamt of the four year old you and how you would spend a perfect day.
I shut the door to an overflowing laundry room and we ate out every meal.
There was leaf-pile jumping and sword fights with sticks (for the boys, of course), flying on swings and rolling down hills.
We loved each other to pieces yesterday Hadley, just for you.
One day I will be able to gather you in my lap and whisper thanks for what you have done for our family.
How in falling apart, we were bound together stronger. How your Daddy and I would drop just about anything for a park or a petting farm or a day in the sun.
You taught us about living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.
I see you in every rainbow, pink sunset and silent snowfall. You are the beauty I used to rushed passed.
My mind will always drift to what life would be like with you here and reach for someone to squeeze when I do.
And I will never stop missing you, warmed by your spirit as much as I am hollowed.
But I promise, with every bit of my broken heart you are holding together, that we will honor your life by living every breath of each day.
As much as our hearts hurt, we will remember the moment you left us for the gifts you gave, not the hole that was left behind.
And we will soak it up baby girl, because we only get to do this once.
For two days or 100 years, life is a gift.
I will live it forever grateful I was chosen to carry the treasure that is you.
Love in this life and beyond,
Your Mommy
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I'm Jessica, 30-something mom to five, four in my arms and one in my heart.
Love you dear friend. Life is such a gift. What a lesson. Wrapping you in hugs. You are so strong. xoxo
Twitter: sellabitmum
All I can muster for a comment right now, is to echo what you said.
Hugs, Jessica.
Jen recently posted..So Motherhood. Yeah, I Had No Idea
Thanks so much to both of you, for sharing in remembering Hadley with me.
Life is something that we often take for granted. I wish that everyone could slow down and enjoy all the little things as you and your family have.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Jackie recently posted..Mom Fail?
So do I Jackie. I wish that it did not take such a loss for us to learn this lesson but I\’m glad that we have changed our ways.
this was an unspeakably beautiful tribute, amazing writing from the deepest part of your heart. love to you.
Frelle recently posted..iPhone Photo Phun Volume 7 : The Middle Sister Edition
Such a beautiful tribute to Hadley. Love your heart, your perspective and your writing. Love to you. xo
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Love
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
This is beautiful, Jessica. It’s amazing the gift you were given through Hadley. She may have only graced this world physically for a short while, but it’s so obvious that her spirit continues to live through you and your family.
Dana K recently posted..I Gave Up ‘Poo for a Week!
Twitter: TheDanaK
Absolutely, her short life left us with so much.
Living your life to the fullest is such a precious gift she provided. It is clear that she is always with you, if not in your arms. This is beautiful my friend.
Brittany {mommy words} recently posted..Sophia’s Ocean Themed Birthday Party
Twitter: BrittanyVandy
I always see little signs of her presence now, so comforting to know she is with us.
All 5 of your beautiful babies are so lucky to have you, mama, as are we all. This is unspeakably beautiful.
story recently posted..Life’s Lessons: International Traveling Edition
Truly beautiful
Devan McGuinness recently posted..Grief is Not a Competition & Stigma Still Exists
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
This is just so beautiful. Sending you love and prayers and ((hugs))
Jana A recently posted..The Beauty of Fall
Twitter: jana0926
I knew better than to read this at work, but I clicked through anyway. Such a beautiful post. Hugs to you and your family.
Emily Suess recently posted..Best. Monday. Ever.
Twitter: EmilySuess
So sorry for the tears at work.
<3
Amy recently posted..Thoughtful Thursday – Let’s Help Change the Outcome
Twitter: transplantedx3
Thank you so much for sharing her with us and reminding us all how very precious and fleeting life can be. Your grace and love and perspective are a beautiful tribute to Hadley.
Twitter: angelaamman
Jessica, this is so beautiful and breaking and all (all) heart.
I’m sending you all that I have.
So much love to you.
XO
Galit Breen recently posted..Exclusion and Kindness and Salted Caramel Mochas
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What a beautiful tribute to Hadley. I wish she was hear for you to hold, but she always live on through your words and your love.
Evonne recently posted..Mean girls
Twitter: _MamaJules_
Thank you for this post. I love the voice you use to speak to your daughter – part Mom, part friend, all genuine.
Hugs to you.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..Nothin’s Burning
Twitter: thewovenmoments
You are such a beautiful person. To be able to take such a difficult event and be able to turn it into something positive is amazing.
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: A Frightening Parenting Moment
Simply beautiful.
((((Hugs)))) to you Jessica
xoxo
I hope you know how much I am thinking of you, holding you in my heart, praying and sending you all the LOVE I can right now.
This letter to your daugther puts so many things into perspective for everyone who reads it.
Much love, much comfort, much peace xoxxo to you.
Kir recently posted..RemembeRED: An Education
Twitter: thekircorner
Beautifully written. Very touching.
Nicole @MTDLBlog recently posted..Happy Fall Ya’ll {Wordful Wednesday}
Twitter: MTDLBlog
So, so, so true. Nothing is more important than family. That’s what we’re here for. Thinking of you, and thanks for showing us how grief can be turned into joy. *hugs*
Amanda Austin recently posted..My favorite stranger
Twitter: amandaaustin
I am so glad I found your writing. You have helped me remember perspective and joy in the every day of life with children. I am so sorry for your pain but so admire your ability to share your lessons and your love. Be well friend.
wendy recently posted..Inspiration Looks Like This
Twitter: mamaonetothree
I can’t even imagine what this feels like.
I am so very sorry.
Alexandra recently posted..How Kids Can Pick Out Good Games To Play
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I don’t really have anything to add…just want you to know that I’m thinking of you.
xoxoxo
Jaime recently posted..Just a Guest
Twitter: jaimesstory
Love this post. Thinking of you and your precious Hadley!
Franchesca recently posted..Wordless Wednesday {stages of grief edition}
A lovely and touching tribute. I so agree with you that whether two days or 100 years all lives are special. Her memory is cherished so much by you and my thoughts go out to you, her, and the rest of your family.
dear woman, you are incredible. many blessings to you and your entire family.
MommaKiss recently posted..Awareness
Twitter: mommakiss
I can only imagine your little girl smiling down at you right now. Such a beautiful letter.
Minivan Mama recently posted..Endless Seasons
Twitter: rockthemini
So, so many hugs being sent your way.
Stephanie recently posted..A week in our lives: Day One
Twitter: supermomboots
beautiful. thank you
{hugs}
Alex@LateEnough recently posted..To The Man In The Hardware Store
Twitter: L8enough
Such a short time on this Earth yet such a beautiful legacy. She has touched so many people, as have you. Thinking of you and and sending love.
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Blue
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
Jessica, this is lovely. What a wonderful tribute to your daughter. I love how you describe yourself as “warmed by your spirit as much as I am hollowed.” Haunting.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Week in My Life: Tuesday
Twitter: latorres
What a wonderful and emotionally touching post. Makes me want to hug my kids even more. You too, for writing such a beautiful post.
Diane recently posted..Clocks and Calendars…
Oh Jessica, this is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. “…living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.”
Hugs Mama. Major hugs. I’m going to hug my babies extra today, thank you & Hadley for reminding me today.
Erica recently posted..Faces Of The Moon
Twitter: ellemenopee
You always manage to put into words how someone’s heart feels.
Leighann recently posted..If You Don’t Read… I’ll Know!
I love you, and her. A beautiful tribute.
KLZ recently posted..How to Take Pictures When You’re Crazy
Twitter: Taminginsanity
You’re amazing, Your family is amazing. I hope you know that. I get such strength from you and such a reminder to put down the phone, the laundry, the work or let the little things go and just enjoy my life. I’m sorry that you had to make the sacrifice that you did. So, so sorry. But I am simply amazed by your spirit.
Krista recently posted..I swear it’s OK if he doesn’t play football
Twitter: notmommyofyear
This is the best compliment that I could receive. Thank you Krista and yes, my house is a mess today but it was well worth it.
beautiful, heart-tugging post, as always. sending love and hugs your way. xo
Rusti recently posted..S.H.I.T.–So Happy It’s Thursday linkup 10
Twitter: rustilyn
You have a beautiful attitude. And I have tears.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..She Eats: The Pinterest Edition
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We need to remember to put the phone away, close the computer and focus on the present. This was a beautiful reminder of how short life is and it can be taken for granted so easily.
My heart goes out to you and your amazing family. Sending love. xo
Kimberly recently posted..A Switch Is Flipped
Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
I can’t find the words. Only tears. Sending love your way.
Roxanne recently posted..Mom. I’m five now.
Shed quite a few tears reading this post. So honest, so heartfelt, so real. What a beautiful gift you were given in the ability to appreciate and love wholeheartedly in remembrance of your baby girl. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters recently posted..Pain is Pain (no matter how long you’ve endured it)
Twitter: CourtneyKirklnd
A great gift you have been given from an unfortunate tragedy. Hugs to you for your strength each day.
Jessica recently posted..To My Sister
Twitter: mytimeasmom
Sending you hugs and prayers.
Nika M. recently posted..To Find a Friend.
I am awed by your love and spirit. I grabbed my laptop and ran to read this to my husband…an we both send our love.
Ann recently posted..Pork with Caribbean Rub & Mango Salsa
Twitter: AnnHolly
Aww, thank you so much Ann.
What an amazing letter to your sweet Hadley. I’m sure she is just as proud to be your daughter as you are to be her mom. I’m sending you pink sunsets, rainbows, and silent snows…(ok, not really snow yet, but you get the idea).
Hugs XO!!
Runnermom-jen recently posted..Moments
I will wait for that snow for a month or two, thank you Jen.
You write the most perfect words, it’s like you’re taking them from my heart… Hugs to you, from another mother missing her beautiful baby girl. Xoxo…
I\’m so sorry you are missing your little girl to, I hope you found some comfort in knowing we are on the same path.
This is just beautiful, and inspiring. Your loss and subsequent courage are beyond words to me. I thank you for sharing this with the world, so that we all can glean a sense of hope from your journey and your positive outlook.
Sniff.
That was lovely, you.
HogsAteMySister recently posted..No Shame in Being an Okie Downunder
Bless you, your family, and most importantly Hadley. I can only imagine the smiles she shined upon you yesterday… and every day for that matter.
Jamie recently posted..does this shirt make my cheeks look big?
Twitter: chosenchaos
We felt it too, it was such a perfect day and I know it was because she was smiling down on us.
A thousand hugs, my friend. A thousand hugs.
Varda (SquashedMom) recently posted..3 AM
Twitter: SquashedMom
There are no words to describe how deeply touched I am by reading this.
Just beautiful.
Kimberly recently posted..How Can I Help You?
Twitter: momgosomething
Thank you so much Kimberly. Your writing is always so touching so this comment means so much.
God bless you Jessica. I know the hole in your heart that is so hard to heal.You are so greatful for the good things, but I know how hard somme days are. I hope somedy I can carry this burden a little lighter. I pray for you and your family along with my beautiful grandchildren who lost their mother, my daughter this same week last year. My daughter adored children, perhas she is up ther holding Hadley till you get there.
Oh Nancy I truly appreciate this comment and the fact that you took the time to read my letter. I can only imagine how hard this week is for you. I mourn for all of what should have been and you are mourning for all that has been and should continue to be. That first year is so unbelievably difficult, I hope you are making it through okay and that you have been able to find moments of peace. The thought of your daughter taking care of mine is so comforting. I hope they are together. Thinking of you during these tough days.
This was so beautiful! I am so sorry that Hadley isn’t physically here with you anymore. She was so blessed to have you as her mommy and you were so blessed to have been her mommy. Loved this.
Kelley recently posted..The story of my son
Twitter: KelleysBreakRm
I’m balling at my desk (hopefully my boss doesn’t walk by!).
This is so beautiful Jessica.
mrs.d recently posted..Puppy Update..
Twitter: undomesticme
Hope your tears dried before your boss came, thank you for sharing her memory with me.
To live each day is a gift,
To live each day twice as you do,
for the one that is here and the one you imagine …
bittersweet.
The love you will share when she is back in your arms, for now shared in the little moments that make up each day.
Much love to you xxx
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Fall Favorites by Kelly of Mom Got Blog
Twitter: ByWordsMusings
I always hope that it is enough Nicole, that I am doing enough for all of my kids but days like this make me feel like we are doing it right. It was perfect.
I love this so much Jess. Truly touched me. Typing with tears in my eyes. I absolutely love that last photo. Gorgeous.
Sarah recently posted..This or That Thursday
Twitter: naptimemomtog
Thanks Sarah, we ordered lanterns, lit them and sent them up to her. They were beautiful and we could see them glow for miles.
I think that is the most hopeful, lovely, worthwhile thing I’ve ever read.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me racy
Goosebumps. Really? You are such an amazing writer with talents I dream of so this? From you? More than I could have hoped for. Thank you Julie, truly.
Absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. I love your line, so true, “for 2 days or 100 years, life is a gift.” Thank you for the reminder.
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..Big News! Fun Announcements!
Twitter: literalmom
Jessica,
Your speak such words of love that
my heart just aches for you.
Jen recently posted..when it rains it pours
Oh Jessica, I know that she heard every single word and she was watching down on you with so much love. You are such an amazing person.
Barbara recently posted..27 weeks
Twitter: babspinfrance
Okay that post and then the picture… yea definitely need a Kleenex. So beautiful and so wonderful that you have found the good and the joy in life through something beyond imaginably hard. You will be able to see your baby again someday. I know it.
Emmy recently posted..Life’s Lessons: Random Ramblings
Twitter: Emmymom2
So beautifully written, so full of love and inspiration. Such a statement of strength and character. Hugs to you and the rest of your beautiful family. So many lines that grip my heart. Thank you for sharing these words, these feelings and emotions. You never know just how much they help those that read them.
Tayarra recently posted..My girls
Twitter: tsharp12
I have a lump in my throat.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Filet Mignon of Porc
–Heartbreaking & Beautiful at the same time.
Sending you hugs from Minnesota…. XxO
My Inner Chick recently posted..Restore My Soul
Twitter: krrobi
Jessica,
I barely have the words but I just want to say thank you for sharing your little angel with us.
“You taught us about living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.” What a wonderful lesson and gift. Life is precious.
Sending you a HUGE hug.
Melanie recently posted..Double Infinity
Twitter: melanieb120
Thank you so much Melanie.
Such a lucky little girl to have such an amazing family. xoxxoxoxo
Natalie recently posted..Monster Likes #37
Thank you so much Natalie. It means so much that you read this piece, I love to be able to share her memory this week.
I find myself quite without words.
This is an incredibly beautiful piece.
Angie @ The Little Mumma recently posted..How did this happen?
Thank you so much Angie.
What a gorgeous tribute. I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been, must still be for you.
Natalie @MamaTrack recently posted..Notes from a Pregnant Dad: Trust Me
Twitter: MamaTrack
I have no words, only love.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Life’s Lessons: The Quiet Edition
Twitter: donutsmama
So beautiful, Jess. Love this. Love you.
Dani G recently posted..Twist and Pull
Twitter: therealdanig
This is so beautiful. I love the way you’ve chosen to look at your loss; you’re an inspiration to appreciate life the way you do. Thank you for reminding us all that life is truly a gift.
Hugs to you and your family.
The Anecdotal Baby recently posted..Why I’m Afraid to Vlog
Twitter: anecdotalbaby
I love you and I am so sorry that you have to experience this kind of pain.
I truly believe this line though and I know you do too: “How in falling apart, we were bound together stronger.”
I’m wishing you all kinds of strong every day, my friend.
Tonya recently posted..The Hole In My Heart
Twitter: letters4lucas
Such a beautiful tribute. “You are the beauty I used to rush passed.” – so beautiful. How often we rush past the beauty in life. Thank you for reminding us to enjoy it.
What a touching tribute. Beautiful.
Sarah Holland recently posted..A Week in the Life: Introduction
Twitter: sholland
Love the life lessons you have learned and the beauty with which you express them. But it was hard to read, especially since I have a Hadley too.
Laura from Pruning Princesses recently posted..Lunch Grab bag
wow…Loss for words…That was sooo touching and beautifully said…
Marie Cole recently posted..Paris Time
Twitter: decondemand
That was beautiful and now I am crying and trying to type through tears. Very sorry for your loss. God bless.
Joanne recently posted..Disney Princesses: Subliminal Trash Talking?
Twitter: SuburbanLifeJo
Just beautiful! I am at a loss to say more…
Stefanie recently posted..How Mouthwash Can Benefit You and Your Family
Twitter: http://pediatricsafety.net
So beautiful and touching. I lost my brother very young so I understand to a degree though I know there is nothing quite like how the parents feel. Life is a gift and we need to remember that everyday! <3
Heather recently posted..A look using Alima Pure London, Pyrite & Pine and Badger Lip Tint & Shimmer in Copper/Opal
Twitter: heather_artiste
Such a powerful, powerful post uring us to live, not exist. I am going to bookmark this page so I can remind myself often the importance of “living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.” Thank y ou for sharing your heart.
nan @ LBDDiaries recently posted..So In Love and Unrealistic
I am celebrating my son’s birthday today. Your post helps me remember that it only takes one minute of love between mother and child to forever change you. This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter and the change she stirred in you!
tori nelson recently posted..it takes two & it used to take only one.
Thank-you for sharing such a profound and private, hopeful and prayerful moment with us all. This is so inspiring. You’ve allowed Hadley to give us all something special.
Venus recently posted..Yeah, that’s right, I was a kid in the 70′s
Twitter: VenusLeeloo
Your letter was so touching! It brought tears of sadness and joy at the same time to my eyes. Sadness for the loss of your child but joy at the gift she gave you. Thank you so much for sharing!
Tammy recently posted..I did it…I broke my own rule…
Twitter: rockprincess760
Love this entry Jess…this is so heartfelt and raw…and real. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! =)
The Foodnatic recently posted..Sunday Dinner, Brit Style!
Wow…that was so touching and heartfelt. It made me realize how much of my children’s lives I take for granted and that I should stop and enjoy them so much more. I am so sorry for your loss. Hadley sounds like she was beautiful inside and out:-)
Anna recently posted.."I Cheated Cancer"
Twitter: annieandisabel
That is SO sweet and so BEAUTIFUL! It never ceases to amaze me the beauty that God, because He is God, can bring from such ugliness, darkness, sadness, etc.
I hope you had a wonderful SITS day…. I know I am late visiting and commenting but when I saw this post I knew I wanted to read it.
The Lucky Wife recently posted..Holiday Pomegranate Jelly {Homemade Edible Gift Idea}: Day 48 of The 100-Day Countdown to Christmas
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I am moved beyond words.
Such a wonderful letter. Beautiful.
Leigh Powell Hines (@Hinessightblog) recently posted..Some Days I Feel Like the Fish Who Fell In the Teapot
Jessica, beautiful as always. I have read quite a few of your posts, but am discovering some out of order thanks to Pinterest!
Having just marked the first of my daughter’s birthdays without her (her 7th, I was lucky to have 6 with her), this was especially poignant for me.