I step carefully near holidays.
Everything is softer in our home.
We are gentler with each other, realizing fallen dreams lean heavily on our shoulders.
As the dates come close, I trace them hopefully, maybe time will make it easier this year.
In many ways it has, but in others, it could be yesterday.
Thanksgiving should be easiest.
No visible reminders of what I am missing, a day of thanks.
I can do this.
But as I sat down to pour my gratitude into words today, I learned of another loss,
another mother who just said goodbye to her little girl.
I read her story of hellos and goodbyes, far too close to one another, and tears of recognition stung my cheeks.
Instantly I was reminded how near grief sits, how close to the surface it waits.
And I let it seep through.
Memories blanketed and I fell as they did.
I thought of my daughter whose hand I should be pressing into a colored turkey handprint, who should be wiggling away as I braid her hair and I crumbled.
Whether she was two days or 8o years old I never should have had to say good bye because I am her mom.
Watching your child take their last breath in your arms is not the way life is supposed to work,
but for some reason this is mine.
And if I read my story as you are right now, I would hold it to my heart and not trade it for the most beautifully woven fairytale
because I am Hadley’s mom, just as much as I was the day she was born
and for this I will be forever thankful.
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I'm Jessica, 30-something mom to five, four in my arms and one in my heart.
This is so beautiful. I’m sorry for your loss.
Twitter: rachael1013
I wish I could give you a big hug. No parent should lose a child….you are in my heart. I hope that this Thanksgiving gives you moments of joy.
Ann recently posted..Meat Ball Sandwich
Twitter: AnnHolly
I think grief is always there, waiting to surface. Maybe not in the same way every time, but it’s there. Maybe it is good to always have some form of grief. Because then she is never really gone. I hope you experience fulfillment over the holidays.
You are so right that no parent should have to say good-bye to their child. Your words always inspire me to be thankful for what I have.
As always, my thoughts are with you and your family.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving, Jessica.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Kuala Lumpur, 1994
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
*hug*
Ronni recently posted..Third Grade
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My heart breaks for you every time I read about your angel. Your so much stronger than I ever could be. Just remember she is always watching over you.
Hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Jessica recently posted..Thanksgiving 2010
Twitter: Ms_JAMR
I am so glad I came by tonight. Your words are so beautiful and my heart goes out to you. Hug your kids extra long and have a very happy Thanksgiving.
xo
Ilana recently posted..9 Strategies To Keep Your Toddler Seated During Thanksgiving Dinner
Twitter: mommyshorts
My heart goes out to you. Hug those babies extra tight tonight.
Kimberly recently posted..My Heart
Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
Aww. Sending big hugs to your WHOLE family.
jenn recently posted..Way Back When-sday: Before & After
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Love you sweet friend. Happy Thanksgiving. xoxo
tracy recently posted..What I Wore Wednesday – The Trench Coat..
Twitter: sellabitmum
beautiful thoughts. I am wishing you comfort and joy this season, always. xo
wendy recently posted..My Perfect Family. Tonight.
Twitter: mamaonetothree
There really are no words to comfort loss are there? No way to tell you that I hear and listen to your story and my heart aches for everyone who is missing someone at this time of the year.
This: “I am Hadley’s mom” cut right to my heart and I am sending you all my love and hugs. Today, tomorrow and always. Xo
Happy thanksgiving.
Kir recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Kristen from Dragondreamers Lair
Twitter: thekircorner
I can’t say sorry enough for the beautiful angel you had to say goodbye to. It isn’t fair.
Sending you much love and praying that the holidays are easy for you this year.
Kimberly recently posted..Between The Lines
Twitter: momgosomething
You always say just what I am thinking.
The holidays are a lot of things for me: happy and light and heavy and sad.
It’s the fullness of my life, I guess. And today I’m grateful for it because I can read posts like yours and see myself.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..#KidsTalkinTurkey
Twitter: thewovenmoments
Beautiful as always, Jessica. I agree that no parent should ever have to watch their child go before them, and I am so sorry you had to endure that. I hope you guys all have a wonderful holiday.
Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie recently posted..7 years + 1 week ago
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I’m sorry the grief came to the surface just before the holiday. Hugs to you, Jessica.
liz recently posted..Thankful
I can’t say anything that others don’t say better. Thinking of you, your family and your sweet baby girl.
Krista recently posted..The first bite
Twitter: notmommyofyear
“Watching your child take their last breath in your arms is not the way life is supposed to work.”
Oh, this line it me like a sucker punch to the gut. It literally knocked the wind out of me.
Each time I read of your grief, my heart aches for you. But I’m also so touched and impressed by your fortitude. And for that, I wish you a sincerely Happy Thanksgiving.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Then and Now
Twitter: SaidKristin
That you received the special honor of bringing Hadley into the world is such a special blessing. You get to have that distinction of being Hadley’s Mom and that’s so cool and wonderful. She’s a lucky little angel to have a Mom like you who will always keep her close to your heart.
Sending you a Huge hug and wishing you a good, joyful Thanksgiving.
Melanie recently posted..Recovery and Reflection
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I can’t even imagine. You handle it with so much grace. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Amanda Austin recently posted..My Style Update
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I know you will find joy tomorrow but my heart goes out to you.
Jen recently posted..Thankful
Beautiful as always, dear friend. Much love to you. xo
Galit Breen recently posted..So Very Thankful
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Love and hugs to you, Jessica!
christine recently posted..The obligatory giving of thanks post
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Sending you much love today…
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..My Memories Review & Giveaway
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope it gives some small comfort to share your grief with your readers. Sending love your way during the difficult holiday days ahead.
You are an amazingly strong woman, a wonderful Mother and a beautiful writer. May your Thanksgiving be as soft and sweet as you are.
January recently posted..To My Parents
Such a beautiful post! Happy Thanksgiving! I know that Hadley will be in your hearts and is so thankful for her family keeping her in their hearts during the holidays.
Barbara recently posted..33 Weeks
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Happy Thanksgiving…
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday-Santa Style
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I was touched in this post. A Mother’s Great Love is such a Noble One. Even if we have experienced sorrow, we learn to be thankful. Be thankful for the strength that God has embraced you during these times.
Lyka Ricks recently posted..Planning a Trip to Italy
What makes your relationship with Hadley special is that you acknowledge her still. You make her part of your celebrations and holidays.
Your children talk about her and are encouraged to.
You are a special kind of mom Jessica.
She is very much with you.
Leighann recently posted..One Day on your Birthday
You are so right, no parent should ever bury their child. Hoping that this Thanksgiving is as happy as it can be. Take care.
Lanie recently posted..Thankful
So beautiful and so sad…. I feel for you.
I don’t have words to “help” this, I know. But I am thinking of you and your family and sending love.
Twitter: angelaamman
Just reading this brought tears to my eyes…and then I saw the beautiful picture and it gave me chills. I don’t think it will ever get easier…XO
Runnermom-jen recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. My thoughts are with you. Happy Thanksgiving.
Stephanie recently posted..I Heart Cliches
I can’t imagine what this must be like to go through as a momma but know that I think of you always and wish you were closer so I could envelop you in a giant hug. This was absolutely beautiful though.
XOXOXOX
Charlotte recently posted..plus one
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Oh, girl.
Sending you lots of love.
Shell recently posted..Hey, It’s Okay
Beautiful, Jess. Heartbreakingly beautiful.
Sending you so much love…
Nichole recently posted..Change of Plans: Children and Gratitude
Twitter: NicholeBeaudry
Ah yes… the holidays are a little tougher than usual when grieving. Sometimes the togetherness and joyfulness is too much.
Hugs to you, my friend. xoxo
Tonya recently posted..40 Days
Twitter: letters4lucas
And for that, I wish you a sincerely Happy Thanksgiving. She is very much with you. I’m sorry for your loss.
Tammie Mcleod recently posted..Acne Tips
Sending you a big HUG! Really sorry for your loss :/
Max recently posted..WoW Power Leveling Guide
But I am thinking of you and your family and sending love. I’m sorry for your loss. This: “I am Hadley’s mom” cut right to my heart and I am sending you all my love and hugs. Hoping that this Thanksgiving is as happy as it can be.
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