At the risk of receiving my first round of nasty comments, let’s discuss why I have always been a bit envious of Michelle Duggar…
There are things that give me an odd amount of contentment:
- dressing one kid after another after another (in coordinating colors, of course)
- buckling in a van full of car seats
- lining up a rainbow of cups, plates and bowls for dinner
- anything that gives me the warm, fuzzy, I-have-a-house-full-of-kids feeling.
There are things I wouldn’t mind:
- switching to a big cargo van
- squeezing bunk beds in every room
- always having a baby in the house
- carrying a cheat sheet to remember all of my childrens’ birthdays.
The list goes on and on but ends somewhere shy of growing my hair to the floor and sewing long skirts made of my husbands old pants.
I have always wanted a big family, always hoped for five children or more. I have them, of course, just not in the way I had dreamt.
Unfortunately, my envy of the Duggar clan is fading because I’m not sure I agree with them anymore.
After we had triplets, I watched my surviving children with certainty they would be my last.
Our family could not return to the financial, physical or emotional toll IVF and an extremely premature birth had taken on us.
The risk of having higher order multiples again was not one we would chance, no matter how badly I wanted more.
Somehow we got pregnant naturally and I did end up with my One More.
To say my last delivery was scary would be an understatement.
Though fairly uneventful for my son, it was life-threatening for me and a terrifying roller coaster for my family.
And this is where Mrs. Duggar and I differ.
There are things that are more important than one more,
like getting pregnant knowing that your child has the best chance of beginning life healthy,
and making sure the children you already have get the best chance of growing up with their mother.
I wish I could say faith protects the chances you take when you are at risk for medical complications and a premature delivery but it does not.
Hopefully this is a lesson the Duggars never have to learn.
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