Since becoming a mom I may have…
picked up food off the floor and inadvertently put it in my mouth rather than throwing it away
accidentally drank from a sippy cup instead of my coffee mug
planned an outfit in my head only to come to my senses and realize I was envisioning clothes from my four year old’s closet
taken my eldest daughter’s medication instead of my vitamins WHILE BREASTFEEDING and then had to call the pharmacy in a panic to see if it was safe to still nurse (pretty sure the pharmacist was wondering WHY I took my daughter’s meds but I must have sounded
insane sleep-deprived enough for him not to ask).
realized my preschooler did not brush his teeth two seconds after I finally had everyone buckled into their seats and pulled out of the driveway anyway (sorry Mrs. Preschool Teacher, at least he’s not a close talker)
spent an ENTIRE doctor’s appointment with the sticky tab from a pack of disposable wipes IN MY HAIR without ANYONE telling me (this was recent, the embarrassment is fresh)
left Starbuck’s without my coffee, the gas station without closing my gas tank and the ATM without my card all in one errand-running trip
pretended not to smell the nose-burning stench in the air in hopes my husband thought he noticed it first and changed the poor kid
spot-cleaned my house with baby wipes
put a pacifier in my mouth (not the hold-the-handle-in-your-teeth way but the real way)
called my kids out of school because I had a serious case of I-have-no-desire-to-get-everyone-moving-this-morning
forgotten snack day, picture day, a snow day and encouraged the skipping of a pain-in-the-rear homework assignment
used words such as “butt” “poop” “butt crack” “toot” (need I go on?) in a song to stop a rapidly increasing meltdown cycle
let my kids stay up late, have dessert too close to bedtime and passed out ten million extra hugs and kisses just because. This cancels out the rest of my screw-ups right?
Time to make me feel better… what’s your Mom Confession??
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