The paper is bending in my hand and he is looking at me with apology because he is an expert and knows surprise is not her specialty. She is heading for the door and I am telling her it will be quick and she will do great and what does she want when it’s over? I am folding and refolding the lab order because she is too big to pick up and if I reach for her she may push me away and I wonder if the tension in the air will weigh me down as my walk turns to a run because she is leaving for I don’t know where.
She is talking about volunteering on Friday and wearing a band-aid and why, why, why do these things happen to her? I am explaining that it is just once and what would she like afterwards and I hear the doctor say he will call the lab to prepare them and she is still talking and I am trying every trick I’ve stuffed into worn pockets but even though it is today it could be years and years ago. It could be her motioning to the fridge or ehh, ehh, ehh-ing at the front door and me holding up cheese or milk? Asking does she want to go to the park or to school or to where? She can’t tell me and I can’t help, she paces and I follow with only damage control to offer.
We are upstairs and downstairs and to the parking lot and the lab and to the parking lot and wonder of wonders back to the lab again and she is finally, finally in the chair because there is a yellow tube and yellow is her favorite color and oh-my-gosh break all the lab rules and use that yellow tube for her blood. I am glaring back at stares and mouthing the word “autism” to people carrying genuine concern and counting the tiles on the floor as she grumbles at her band-aid and wonders what do they do when people have a latex allergy because everything in this place has latex.
Clicking her seat belt she asks what is for dinner because she is talking with me now.
I tell her whatever she wants and pull out of our parking space,
because she can hear me again.
Linking up with just write because sometimes there are words you just need to string together and place somewhere.
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