I am trying something completely scary for my perfectionist-self. I going to see what I can do with five minutes of free writing, no proofreading, no editing. My mind is a constant reel of memories this week as we approach the anniversary of Hadley’s death so it’s the perfect time to just write and see what happens. I’m joining with Stream of Consciousness Sunday on the subject of comfort. Here we go…
This week will be five years since we lost Hadley. My mind is flooded with flashbacks and memories of the days after we lost her, not so much the days before.
The days after were comfort, they were horrendous and heart-wrenching and what-just-happened-to my-world aching but they were nothing but comfort and compassion.
I can remember not wanting light, we sat in the darkness of a hospital room with all but a huge KEEP OUT sign on the door and just cried until we couldn’t cry anymore. People would knock at the door, not knowing our world had just been taken from us and we would barely open it to tell them to go away unless it was an update on our two surviving babies, still hanging onto life just down the hall.
My husband and I treated each other like glass. Glass deeply cracked that, if touched, could shatter into a million pieces.
I remember the comfort of being with someone who knew the pain as only he could and saw our daughter as only we could. It may sound strange but being that close to her memory, minutes, hours, days after we had last held her… that is comfort to me. I want to go back there for a little bit. I want to be that close again. I want the comfort of remembering her life in my arms moments ago, not five years past.
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