I always wanted a lot of children, like drive-an-extended-van amount of children.
But I’ve also always wanted to give each of my children my time, to make sure they know I know them and have five seconds to fix their train track or look at their math quiz or shove Barbie’s feet into the most impractical shoes of all time.
Some days I’m all “Wow, I’ve got this. My back doesn’t hurt from carrying someone for the last five hours, I remember the quadratic equation and we’re all using glitter!” and some days (yesterday to be exact) I’m all “I can’t see the teen playing soccer, he’s heading down a slide of mud, he’s throwing rocks and oh.my.heart. she just fell backwards off of that ladder.”
My head echoed with thoughts of failure, a stubborn refusal for help and a question of how in the world I was actually entrusted with all these people.
I want to do and be it all for everyone but I just can’t seem to perfect the cloning process so I’m trying to make a truce with what I’ve got.
Today was a gorgeous Indian summer kind of day and Parker wanted to show me something right now mom. right now.
I picked up his five year-old self because I still can and he blew at a dandelion. He wished to go to the park with just me. My heart was sinking in failure but he picked it up, squeezed his eyes closed and said “like we are right now.”
Ten feet away from the craziness that is everyone else, hanging out by our far-cry-from-a-park backyard, my son decided what I had to give was enough.
Maybe he can teach me how to do the same.
Do you struggle with being everything to everyone or are you realistic with yourself about what you can/can’t do?
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I'm Jessica, 30-something mom to five, four in my arms and one in my heart.
Love this for so many reasons, but mostly because our children understand. Sigh. They are so very forgiving, aren’t they?
Twitter: katiefhurley
They are forgiving, thank goodness. I’m sure they don’t even remember half the things we beat ourselves up over.
I struggle with this daily,and I think it’s common for multiples. I just don’t have enough patience and attention to go around to all three of them, especially when they are all. talking. at once. I often feel like they are at a disadvantage because we do so rarely get the one on one time. I adore my mornings with Zoe when the big girls are at school, but the big girls themselves rarely get that opportunity. Just tonight I nearly lost my mind because they all would not stop talking!
Leigh Ann recently posted..My cat is a bully and kind of a jerk
Twitter: latorres
Couldn’t agree more, especially with the part about multiples. From the time they are born they don’t get our individual attention and I feel like I can just never give it.
Now that my kids are older, and the hugs are much fewer and far between, I try to never be the one who lets go first.
Ann recently posted..The Grade School Columnist interviews YOU for a change
Love this.
Elaine A. recently posted.."I Don’t Have Time For This!"
Twitter: elainea
I’m becoming much more of a squeeze-hugger, especially with the 5 year-olds. I had no idea the hugs would start getting shorter so early. It’s funny this is the one thing I have never experienced with my teen with autism. No matter her age she has always been affectionate. She would still sit on my lap if I let her, one more thing I need to remember as a benefit of having a special needs kiddo.
I know I don’t do enough. I’m the queen of “just a minute” and that minute always turns into another. I know with a new baby this isn’t the time to worry about it, but I need to do better.
Robin | Farewell Stranger recently posted..The Sound of Silence
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
Oh I do “just a minute” so often and I feel like someone is constantly pulling my arm. Somehow we have to decide that we are enough. With a new baby I’m sure your emotions are all over the place now that your oldest has to share you. I’m sure you are doing amazing at giving them both all you can.
I struggle daily with this. Most days I struggle multiple times.
Stephanie recently posted..Learning to Simplify Through Purging
Twitter: supermomboots
Every single day is a struggle. You want so much for them, and the mind and spirit are willing, but , some days, the body is just so damn tired. And yet we find a way. We would have it no other way– right? I know I am right. Once you are a mom you are in it for life. It does not matter if you are a mom, a grandma, or a great grandma. You are there for life. It is a good place to be.
Oh my goodness, yes to this. How hard it is to want to be everything all the time. And how amazing just how understanding and in tune these children can be.
christine recently posted..He’s Still The One
Twitter: anditislove
Thank goodness for their understanding, if only we could be as forgiving with ourselves.
I struggle with this every day and I only have 2 at home. . . I always feel like I am not getting it right for any one. And I can’t help but think what if I did have all 4 with me. xoxo
Lanie recently posted..A Walk to Remember
Every single day! But then they give us these moments to remind us that we can only do what we can do and we LOVE them with everything we have, so sometimes just being as you are right now, is just perfect. Keep doing what you are doing mama, you are amazing. And really, Barbie’s shoes are completely impractical! xoxo
Shannon from ‘mynewfavoriteday’ recently posted..The Grace of Angels…
Twitter: Newfavoriteday
I think I jinxed myself with my talk of Barbie shoes because over the weekend my daughter got a dress-able Tinkerbell and my hands are cramping from trying to affix her clothes. At least it is quality time spent, right? So good to see you here, I need to visit you more often, I’m always inspired when I stop by.
Gorgeous.
Steph
Stephanie Precourt recently posted..Fingerprints
Twitter: babysteph
This is lovely. I need to stop beating myself up about the million things I don’t do, though, and start trying to do one or two or three more each day
angela recently posted..Diary of a Submissive Review
I think we just need a weekly play date to make us both feel better
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Oh I didn’t expect this one to make me tear up. I feel this way. All. The. Time. I have RA and it took a long time for the doctors to diagnose what was making me so fatigued and miserable for so long. I absolutely hate and feel horribly guilty that I physically am just not able to do everything that I want to do with the kids. Thanks for sharing your beautiful post.
Ashley recently posted..More Than I Can Handle
Twitter: stinkerbabies
Oh I am so sorry this made you tear up Ashley, that has to be so hard to not be able to physically do what you want to do every day. I had a glimpse of that when I was on bedrest during my pregnancies but I also knew it was only temporary. Wish we lived close and there was something I could do to help.
I never, ever have enough time. It is one of the things that eats at me the most. Every day I just decide to do the best I can, and I hope that is enough.
Jennifer recently posted..December 18th
I think that’s all we can do, unless we want to drive ourselves crazy.
I always feel like I didn’t give one child enough attention that day but I do my best and try to focus on that child the next day.
Jen recently posted..“Check Your Headlights”
You are enough. I am enough. Each one of us are enough. But I honestly struggle with the same thing you wrote about. Sigh… The catch is not to let the kids on that you have this debate in your head, and that is very very hard.
Natasha recently posted..Growing up fast
I agree, as long as we put on a good show they won’t know the difference right? I never knew whether or not my mom struggled with this same thing so either she did not or she was a great actress.
It’s a constant daily struggle. I only have two and already I feel like I don’t give either one what they need.
Barbara recently posted..Welcome to France…Apple Picking a la francais
Twitter: babspinfrance
I want to figure out how to clone myself.
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Feeling Small
I am so with you…..I had a complete and total breakdown yesterday and then I just. Let. Go. And when I let go, when I stop trying to hold on so tight, everything seems to fall in it’s place. Some things go on the back burner, some things put away for quieter days, projects, ideas….put away. And right there in the midst of my mess, three sets of eyes just wanting to climb in my mess with me and give me a great big ol’ hug. Thank you for this. XO
Chrissy recently posted..She
I think I do a pretty good job of this but then I don’t. You know? I always feel like my middle child is getting the shaft in some way. But then he is the one who climbs into bed with me on a nightly basis so… but maybe that is why? I don’t know. I think we all do the best we can. Including you.
Elaine A. recently posted.."I Don’t Have Time For This!"
Twitter: elainea
I only have 1 kid and I constantly struggle with this. With feeling like I’m still not doing enough for my family. It’s kind of ironic but I’m sitting there, trying to make this wholesome lunch for her and she’s pulling on my leg and wanting to snuggle and I say “Hold on! I’m doing this for you, you know!” And I feel so guilty b/c I’m I feel like I”m neglecting what she’s saying she really needs. It’s a hard, hard balance.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Graco Snugride Event at Babies R Us
Gosh do I ever struggle with this. (Infact I had the same type of day you spoke of this past week and have been trying to sort my thoughts out in words to post about it.) We can only do as much as we can do. The bottom line is I TRY. And and really HOPE that my “try” is enough…
Kate F. recently posted..Where Did the Busy Week Go? {2nd Edition!}
Twitter: katefineske
I used to want ten children at the same time, maybe two years apart from each other.
After realising that even a few kids is hard work, I pretty much gave up the idea.
I try to become everything to everyone, but sometimes its hard. At the end of the day, I somehow feel its worth.
hmmm….did that make sense?
I have such a hard enough time with just one that I can’t even begin to understand how mothers with more than one child even function on a day to day basis. You are a hero in my eyes and clearly in little Parker’s too.
Tonya recently posted..Dear Baby
Twitter: letters4lucas