I had plans to write an inspirational post today, about how the pain of loss gets better as time goes on and putting one foot in front of the other becomes something you don’t have to talk yourself through, but since Friday my world has been rocked to the core like everyone else’s. I need this space today to remember my daughter and hold her as close as I’m holding the rest of my children this week.
Hadley was the third of triplets, Baby C.
She squirmed and flipped until there wasn’t anymore room to do so, at the top of my stomach, right under my heart.
At birth she was 2 lbs. 5 oz. but grabbed my finger so tightly the first time she saw me that the little pads of her fingers went white.
Her hair had a reddish tint under the NICU lights and her eyes were dark blue, still making up their mind about a final color.
She left the world in my arms. I can still feel her slight weight against the crook of my arm. I’ve froze that day and willed it to stay uninterrupted in my mind.
I have her brother and sister to watch grow and piece together what she might have looked and acted like if she had lived, as every child should.
I think she would have the red hair her sister lost in her toddler years and the round eyes of her brother and stand an inch above him and an inch below here, closing the gap in their height that makes many think they are a year apart.
I think she would have been the peace keeper and maybe worn a dress color other than pink or no dresses at all. Maybe she would have eased her sister out of her shyness or been the one standing next to her brother at the preschool Christmas show.
I wish I knew.
What I do know is she was loved, she is loved. I will forever be her mom, carrying her as I did for so long, cradled against the beat of my heart.
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. -Winnie the Pooh
We want to make sure no one is grieving alone this holiday season so we invite you to share your story with us. We have multiple link-ups on the sites below, where you can comment and/or link up according to the type of loss with which you are dealing.
You can link up anything you would like to share about your lost love one: a link to a Facebook photo/post, a blog post about a particular memory, a Pinterest pin sharing how you cope, whatever you would like others to read or see. The link ups will be displayed as follows:
If you have had a miscarriage, stillbirth or loss of an infant link here: fourplusanangel.com
If you have lost your mom link here: sandiegomomma.com
Your dad link here: mamamaryshow.com
Your sibling link here: myinnerchick.com
A child link here: aninchofgray.blogspot.
A friend here: kimtracyprince.com
A spouse here: gfunkified.com
We have also created a Pinterest board called Hugs for the Holidays and will be pinning posts to that board so we can all visit and share each other’s stories.
Please remember to visit a few other blog posts on this special day to help spread the love around to others. We will keep the link ups open through December so that everyone has a chance to participate. Our goal is that no one feels like they are suffering alone this holiday season.
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