Drop

rainbow

Towards the end of preschool Parker made a rainbow painting at school with streamers hanging down from the end of each color. My love for rainbows hung it no where but the best place. It sways from a hook up high in our kitchen so we can walk under it often because hanging out under […]

Bitter, sweet

surviving triplet

Last week I bought tickets for Mark and McKenna to go to a daddy/daughter dance. She is six now. This, the first year she is old enough to go. The nice woman at the counter asked how many tickets I needed and I had prepared myself for hating this part. Two tickets were all I […]

Wishes

Mommy what is that time on the clock when you can wish for things? Do you mean 11:11, Honey? Do you sometimes wish for Hadley to be not in the clouds? Yes Baby I do, all the time. Today I will do my concert-show after dinner. I can’t wait to see it. And Daddy and […]

This is why we’re here

mark and parker

Late February of last year we drove to see the inside of a house we had fallen in love with on the outside. The whole drive there Mark and I took turns saying “we shouldn’t go” “let’s turn around” “this is way too far from everything.” In between, I’m sure we said things like “don’t […]

Surface

watching baby in the NICU

When I was pregnant with the triplets I spent at least half my days of hospital bed rest searching for a “Big Sister of Triplets” shirt. They were easy to find in size 2 or 3T but no where to be found in 12 year-old sizes. My excitement when I finally found one probably caused […]

Ready for Air

ready for air

Having a baby (or two, or three) in the NICU is an extremely isolating experience. Parker spent 77 days there, McKenna 72 and Hadley, not nearly enough. I was there for every single one of them. Not because it was some heroic effort of motherhood, because it was a necessity for my survival. I couldn’t […]

To blink or not to blink

lantern release

When we were driving by our current house over and over again, hoping the sale would go through, I used to look around at everything. I wanted to take pictures of the worn barns, the restored and not-so-restored old homes and the horses and the tractors causing us to go 40 miles under the speed […]

Ingredients

surviving triplets

The year after Hadley passed away I made three little birthday cakes. Only Parker and McKenna would dig tiny fingers in and blink cake from their lashes but I made three because I had to, I couldn’t imagine not. On the day of their birthday party I got out the tiny cakes, balanced on one […]

Fall

playing at window

McKenna is lining up Barbies at the window sill and huffing and puffing with an occasional “ugh!” as they refuse to stand. I’ve offered to help and so have her brothers but she has this stubbornness that she gets from somewhere and we don’t fit into the Barbie Fashion Show plan. From the window one […]

The sky in our hands

prayer for the grieving

There is a butterfly that swirls around our house every day. It circles the garden when we are looking for strawberries and lands on our porch when I’m trying to talk someone out of playing in the mud. It’s the same butterfly every time because it is. I know it is. Sawyer has bent to […]