Four Plus an Angel

Life after loss with one teenager, two surviving triplets and a rainbow baby

From loss comes fear

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I would like to say that losing a child turned me into an indestructible momma who will fear nothing because she's already been through the worst. But I can't. Losing my daughter turned me into a feather. What was once a smallish issue with anxiety snowballed into a big lump of fear that I carry with me through life. Hadley died suddenly. One minute my husband and I were turning from isolette to isolette to isolette, marveling at our teeny triplets and the next we were looking at the sad eyes of a respiratory therapist explain what a pulmonary hemorrhage can do to such a tiny body. I've never been able to shake that suddenness. The fact that one moment I was worrying about my c-section Continue Reading

What no one tells you about autism and adulthood

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ABLEnow® has sponsored this post. All thoughts and opinions are my own. We are six years (SIX YEARS!) into autism and adulthood and I can't believe I'm still shocked at how unprepared the world is for kids like mine. The moment our world changed from acronyms like IEP and LRE to SSI and CLS I completely lost my footing.* Did you know? Did you know that if you are in an area that doesn't have reliable public transportation an adult with special needs usually has no inherent rights to be transported anywhere? Did you know that the moment someone receiving Social Security Income (SSI) puts any money in their bank account they can be financially penalized for that money? Did you Continue Reading

What books to read next

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Top book picks this year

This post and others like it may contain affiliate links. Thank you for your support. I've been reading like crazy this year. Usually I'm freaking out in December about meeting my Goodreads goal but this year I was in the home stretch by July. To justify my crazy habit I figured I better give you some recommendations on what books to read next before I read anymore. I'd love to hear what you've read and loved this year too. I have a long list of what I want to read but don't mind making it longer! This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel If you're only picking one book from my list choose this one. It's one of those books I recommend to people and then obnoxiously check in Continue Reading

The most difficult parts of autism

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This is a post is part of a paid partnership with Aeroflow Urology as part of the Chronic Illness Bloggers Network. All thoughts and opinions are my own. Years ago I would have written this solely from a mom's perspective. I would have listed the difficult parts of autism for me. But my daughter is 23 now. We have both had our struggles but now I see her out in the world, more independent than ever. I can clearly see the difficulties that are hers much more so than they are mine. Transportation Lack of transportation is first on my list of things that make our life tough. Ashlyn is an adult, she should be able to go where she likes when she likes. Can you imagine your every need Continue Reading

If you want a rainbow sometimes you need to buy one

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This post contains affiliate links.  I've been doing almost all of my shopping on Amazon lately. I feel like I've got the hang of what brands are decent, where to find good prices and how to make sure my packages won't first be touring the world for 80 days. The part of my mind that plans to blog weekly keeps creating blog posts about my favorite Amazon finds but I never actually put them together. But then my friend Anna shared this sweet umbrella in one of her awesome Amazon roundups and sent me down a rabbit hole, or over a rainbow, shopping for the cutest rainbow products. There are so many! I want everything I found but since I can't have them all maybe you can Continue Reading

The sky can be anywhere

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His last show ended a few hours ago and Parker is already hanging clouds in our basement. While most of the cast waited for pizza and stalked the dessert table, Parker circled the stage as set pieces were taken down. A few minutes later he came out for food, a gigantic cloud tucked under one arm. This is the first show one of my kids has been in where I haven't helped at most of the rehearsals. I guess that's what happens when they get older and decide on different activities and cloning yourself isn't casually done for evening activities. I was excited to see a show that was a complete surprise. Opening night would be my first time hearing all the songs and seeing the show come Continue Reading

My favorite books of the year

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This post should be called "My favorite books since the last time I had time to write about books" but that doesn't have the same ring to it. I've met my Goodreads goal for the year so it's time to slow down and choose the ones I love. I haven't done a "favorite books" post since early 2017 so I've got a lot of ground to cover. All kinds of amazing characters are swirling through my head after scrolling through the books I've read. I know I'm biased because I am a writer, but isn't it crazy that someone can sit down and create characters so vivid we miss them a year after we've shelved them? If you've stuck with my nerdy book talk for the last two paragraphs I promise it's time to get to Continue Reading

More than 35 costumes you can make at home

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If you've followed me on any type of social media for more than five minutes you know that my Parker creates costumes almost daily. As he's gotten older his costumes have gotten better and better. He's even taking custom orders now! Almost everything he wears is made from things he's collected from around our house. Sometimes he hits the jackpot and adds in some junk/treasures from friends and family to incorporate into his plans. I thought I'd share a few in case you need last minute costume ideas this Halloween. If you like what you see you can find Parker's creations on Facebook, YouTube and on Instagram under the hashtag Continue Reading

Grieving Season

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The weather is changing and conversations head in that direction as they always do. From porch to sidewalk, neighbors shout about the need for jackets or lack of. Somewhere, in line for coffee, two old friends discuss the 20 degree temperature difference from last week. And I promise, right this moment, a group of parents is discussing little feet stretching to almost adult-size since the last time they pulled out this season's shoes. But for me, this change of season means something different. As the temperature changes and the conversations go with it, my grieving season begins. If I have nothing to add to talk of weather and outgrown clothing it's because I can't think of anything Continue Reading

All the things she loves

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This post is sponsored by Custom Ink. I was compensated by Custom Ink to write this post. All opinions, children and video background noise are my own. Almost every autism parent will tell you their child has a "thing." A television show, a character, a favorite item-- something they've been hooked on for years. I know kids who love elevators or garbage trucks, kids who've been carrying the same stuffed animal for ten years and kids who could tell you the inner workings of their city's sewage system. Ashlyn has had a couple different "things" over the years. She used to read me her yearbook, over and over again. She's also an expert at the school bussing system. But every time she has Continue Reading

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