Next week it will be three years since we lost Hadley.
I still struggle to “see” her somewhere.
She was so tiny and her life was so short that I do not have a laundry list of things to stumble upon through my days that will remind me of her.
I can only guess what would make her smile, what color she would insist on wearing or what food she would want to eat at every meal.
There isn’t a song she loved that I can listen to or a favorite toy that I can trip over when her siblings leave it out.
So as I finish planning what should be her third birthday party I have found myself sifting through the small box of things that were lucky enough to be against her skin.
And know I am in need of a rainbow.
Rainbows have always been Hadley to me.
She has sent them to me on the darkest of days.
When I see one I think of Hadley and all of the other babies of the many loss mommies I have met, happy together, sending a little color to remind us that they are somewhere beautiful and we are okay.
So as Hadley’s day draws near I need one but there is no rain in sight. I love finding them on my own and will take one any way I can get it (in the sky, a reflection off of a glass, in a bubble, I even bought an umbrella with rainbow stripes).
So I have a little request… if you have a rainbow or see one soon, could you send a picture to me? I’m not sure what I am going to do with them yet but know that I want as many as I can get.
You can email me your pictures to firstname.lastname@example.org
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