Oh, you came.
I’m so glad. Wasn’t sure if anyone would actually show up.
Sure, I’ll help you load them up in a sec. I’m just getting our new “area” situated out here.
Oh, no, we’re not moving, I’ve just had enough. These matters will now be handled outside.
Yeah, I guess it is a little drastic but it is necessary.
No, really, I appreciate your advice but I have had enough. They are resilient and never make it in time anyway. I’ll be the one who hates the trek outside but we’ll make poo, I mean, do.
Well let’s get these things loaded up.
I know, can you believe it? They are in perfect condition, just like I said in the ad, you would never imagine the magic I have performed to keep a lid on things.
Okay then, you are all set. Oh yes, I’m sure your son will ONLY use them as intended.
Mmmhmm, of course.
Yes, you must just be raising him impeccably.
Should I say… enjoy?
I watched her drive away, our new adventure in semi-outdoor living about to begin. Unfolding the crinkled paper in my hand, I shook my head as I read my hastily placed ad one more time.
I still can’t believe I had a taker.
What is it they say… one mom’s toilet it another mom’s treasure?
Or actually, I think it’s, just wait until he is a toddler you delusional woman, you.
This post was written in response to the Red Dress Club prompt:
We want you to imagine you’ve just had a fight with a friend, a co-worker, husband, significant other, child – you get the picture. You’re mad. It’s time for revenge.
What would you sell?
Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig’s List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go.
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Since I just discovered you a few weeks ago (lucky, lucky me!) , I’m catching up on old posts. This one gave me a laugh!
Ha! So funny! So far the only thing my lovelies like to put in the toilet is their feet! I can't get my 3-almost 4 year old to pay attention long enough to aim a steady stream into it! I've been thinking about just setting a bucket on each side of the darn thing to catch the rogue spray. So gross! I hate toilets!
This is a first! I don't think I have ever seen someone sell a toilet! Interesting take! The spice thing kinda got me. I hope that wasn't found by 'surprise!'
Yuck! Toothbrushed in the toilet!
We haven't had any toilet mishaps yet. But I remember my brother dropping his beloved cat in the toilet several times when we were little.
Ilana @ Mommy Shorts says
The container of seasoning was the kicker. Nothing more off-putting than garlic infused toilet water!
Nancy C says
Oh, funny lady. I just love your writing. Sorry I've been a stranger.
I can relate. When we had our septic cleaned out, we found, amongst other things, three cars, two socks, and a rattle.
Karen Peterson says
Wow. That is one shiny toilet!
I don't know why they love the toilet so much, but they all do!
OMG – are those toothbrushes in there?!!?? What is the fascination with the toilet? We had to replace one because Zachary flushed the entire roll of toilet paper AND a hot wheel – we couldn't fish it out for anything. Excellent job with the prompt, I had to close the laptop before Z got any ideas with the toothbrushes…
So funny, Jessica!
That number is perfect.
I am, however, more than a little grossed out by the "effervescent marinade." Ewww….
Sarah Halstead says
ha ha! too funny!!
Thoughts from Her says
So creative! Loved this post.
I love this take on the prompt!
X has recently figured out how to flush the toilet.
It's a ticking time bomb.
Rita @YippyMomma says
laughing and can't stop. omg. glad I'm making my way down the TRDC list. Happy Friday!
I am actually laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. The part that really got me was the container filled with toilet water!!! This was seriously my favorite so far. Maybe you just have to experience it first hand to truly understand! And the first part where you are actually giving it to a lady with a son…brilliant!
This is great! I think I remember a tweet about those stickers. Teehee!
I was so lucky. As a working single mom, my mom did the potty training.
Now the daughter's boy on the other hand. Is fascinated with the toilet. And not for it's intended use.
thank goodness my son took the "No No Yes Yes" page about the toilet seriously. I hate to sell my Kohlers!
That is one powerful john if it can handle all of that!
This was HILARIOUS! Good gracious, Jessica! I love your writing style!
Fantastic! Mine (for the first time today) unrolled the entire toilet paper roll…I have many fun times ahead I can just tell…
The JackB says
Any commode that can handle a PB&J sandwich is worth serious consideration.
Elena @NaynaDub says
You definitely brought the funny! Great job! 😉
Mad Woman behind the says
I refuse to gloat about missing this stage completely b/c there is still a chance that I'll be fishing valuables and unflushables w/ this next child.
By Word of Mouth Mus says
Oh Jessica, you made me laugh with this …. no wonder there are days that you want to hide in your car 🙂
Jennie B says
I just came out of the bathroom to find the remote control in the sink, water running. We had to put locks on the lids of our toilets.
Love that picture – those two little pairs of feet off to the side!
On the day of my sister's wedding I successfully rescued the phone from going in the toilet several times. Just in time. I kind of hate the toilet now.
Fun to do /write something different, isn't it?
true. and cute, too 🙂 Great post!
Amy Grew says
So you can't get those things to work correctly either. I thought I was doing something wrong. Out door living is sounding pretty good right now!
LOL I want to speak to whoever buys a toilet from craigslist. Ew
Ha! Great ad! I'm so scared of when my twins figure out how to open our bathroom door…
LOL! Love it— I thought maybe you were selling children at first! Way to be engaging all the way to the very last period.
Kibble n' Dribb says
LOVe it. I like how I had no idea what you were refering to until the end!
That's hilarious! LOVE it.
Denelle @CaitsConcep says
LOL! Ok, did you MAKE them stand with feet perfectly planted on either side of the "evidence" for this photo? If not, then I am in awe.. my children are never in the perfect place at the perfect time for incriminating evidence! This was great! Though I don't want to to think about the hassle of the kids using the great outdoors as their bathroom.. my 6 year old would panic at the mere prospect. 😉
I'm going to call that number, just to see what happens