By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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A Full Sink

By Jessica

I was complaining about the dishes.

The sink is always full,

the dishwasher never empty

and those sippy cups?

What a pain they are to dismantle.

Tumbling cups and plastic bowls, they take up at least one shelf of every load.

Her face flashed a look of recognition as she remembered these days well.

Trying to shake her head in understanding, her eyes told so much more.

She missed this.

A bulging sink, running the dishwasher twice a day, dinner with someone teetering on her lap,

Piles of laundry waiting to be folded, someone tugging at her leg as she cooked.

Her days of my life were long gone,

At college or married with their own children.

Filling up her dinner table for the occasional meal and then heading home.

Her house quiet and her sink empty again.

My life looked perfect to her, as I shuffled through the drugstore long after I had wanted to sleep.

Unable to begin the next day without milk and juice and dish soap.

I stood a little taller in my yoga pants and barely made up face.

Hugging my purchases I walked to a minivan full of car seats and smiled as I backed away to the sound of toddler toons.

A sink full of dishes was awaiting my return.

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67 Comments Filed Under: Musings of Motherhood


Comments

  1. MamaTrack says

    May 15, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    This is so true. We all think think our now is hard. But it’s also the envy of others. And why are those stupid straw cups as hard to clean as they are?

    Reply
  2. Jackie says

    May 14, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    Beautifully written and exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 15, 2011 at 9:16 am

      So glad! Thanks so much for reading.

      Reply
  3. Kim says

    May 14, 2011 at 11:37 am

    So sweet. It’s true that our chaos is something others yearn for.
    Came from TRDC.

    Reply
  4. PearlsGirl says

    May 14, 2011 at 9:16 am

    How lovely! My first time visiting your blog, but not my last. PearlsGirl

    Reply
  5. Ixy says

    May 14, 2011 at 8:24 am

    What a beautiful post (as was the last one of yours I read :)). Your writing is so poignant.

    Reply
  6. Penbleth says

    May 13, 2011 at 9:32 am

    This is so beautiful Jessica. I’m part way in between. One practically gone, two moe who won’t be long. I miss those days of sippy cups and long cuddles.

    Reply
  7. Katie says

    May 12, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Jessica, your writing makes me smile. It’s so lovely.

    simple. beautiful. lovely.

    Reply
  8. Tonya says

    May 11, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    A full sink = a full heart! This is a beautiful way to look at life. 🙂

    Reply
  9. Lauren Weber says

    May 11, 2011 at 11:53 am

    This post couldn’t come at a better time. Some days I feel overwhelmed, but you’re right…it’s like the county song by Trace Adkins “You’re gonna miss this.” Thank you for writing beautifully and putting things into perspective for all of us!

    Reply
  10. Theta Mom says

    May 11, 2011 at 8:33 am

    I saw this tweeted yesterday and had to come and read – I knew it would be awesome. And it was.

    Beautiuflly written!!

    Reply
  11. Klz says

    May 11, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I already completely dread Alex moving out.

    Reply
  12. Nancy C says

    May 11, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Perfect. Just perfect.

    I am in a whining-about-my-life slump, which is a joke because I know this will be the some of the best years of my life.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 11, 2011 at 7:30 am

      Me too! I’ve seen “me” in a few of your tweets lately. I’ve been really crabby and I know this conversation was meant to help me get out of my slump. Hope you feel better soon.

      Reply
  13. Practical Parenting says

    May 11, 2011 at 12:22 am

    This is a beautiful post. With my “baby” nearing 2 1/2, I feel my time with them slipping away. The never ending dishes are hard to like, but the little hands that created them are growing too fast!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 11, 2011 at 7:31 am

      I know exactly what you mean, my youngest is almost 2 and I’m trying to treasure the moments in between the craziness of it all!

      Reply
  14. Nana says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    When I got to the “her days of my life were long gone”, I thought you were writing about me, and the way I look at you. I am envious of your mommy moments, and how you are the world to your kids, and yes, yes, yes I miss those days. But then I get my “nana” moments and I get a glimpse, and I remember and I enjoy my new role.

    Reply
  15. Stephanie says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    This is such a great post and wonderful reminder that life moves on and nothing lasts forever. But I still would love it if my kitchen would stay clean for more than five minutes occasionally 🙂

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 10:36 pm

      Me too! If only someone would do it for us…

      Reply
  16. kp says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    You have a dishwasher? Jealous! Haha. Great writing =)

    Reply
  17. Katrina says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Like I said when I asked you to guest post on my blog I meant what I said “You are a writer Jessica, one with grace, compassion, talent, love, experience, joy, pain, and stories to share.” I am blessed just to have met your (well, technically we haven’t met) but I feel like I get to know you a little better each day because of the magnificent words you put on your blog. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 10:37 pm

      Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment!

      Reply
  18. Kate says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    Way better than a dishwasher!

    And I just got my dishwasher back after it breaking in FEBRUARY! I LOVE having it back!

    Reply
  19. The Flying Chalupa says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    I must, must, MUST keep telling myself that these are the good days. So hard to enjoy it in the moment! I must confess though, a quiet house sounds really nice. Wait. I never said that.

    Lovely post, as usual.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 11, 2011 at 7:32 am

      I’ll pretend you didn’t say it and pretend that I don’t agree, especially since I wrote the post. 🙂

      Reply
  20. Shell says

    May 10, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Such great perspective!

    Reply
  21. Melissa says

    May 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Ahh…well yes, this puts it all in perspective. Beautifully written and you capture those details so well. XO

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 11, 2011 at 7:32 am

      Thanks so much Melissa.

      Reply
  22. Elena says

    May 10, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    This is so true. When we were picking some groceries up the other day at the market, I sighed to the lady working the deli when Lanagan wasn’t listening. She looked at me and said I know it seems hard now, but my kids are both gone and on their own and you will miss this time. I need to remember this more. It’s all tough, but so very worth it and something we will one day miss desperately.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 11, 2011 at 7:33 am

      Totally agree, it is tough to do in the stressful moments but one of these days we won’t remember the stress.

      Reply
  23. Tayarra says

    May 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I love this. I often think, if I could freeze time I think I would want that time period to be now. With all the busy, messy, whining times I still feel like I am having the time of my life. I know I’m going to miss it terribly and that’s what keeps me in the moment most of the time!

    Reply
  24. Kate F. says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    What a great and insightful post… It reminds me of another excellent article that I just read from the Cleveland Plain Dealer Newspaper entitled: Motherhood means letting go breath by breath – By Regina Brett. Here is the link to the article. http://tinyurl.com/3k53pw2

    Time and change are such hard things to deal with… and something that effects everyone. Wonderful Post Jessica.

    Reply
  25. Ryan (The Woven Moments) says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    What a beautiful post. Mother’s Day is so much more magical now that I’m a mom and “get” my mom better. The interweaving of generations makes it so much more special!

    Reply
  26. By Word Of Mouth Musings says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Yes, several times this week I have wanted to have time stand still.
    With my girls at 9 and 13, they are a pleasure and so fun … independent, but not too much.
    Ack, what am I saying, not just this week, always, I always seem to want to stop it and keep them here 😉

    Reply
  27. Leighann says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    OH the things we take for granted.

    and now I’m anxious about getting older.

    I don’t want an empty sink.

    Reply
  28. Amanda says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    I need this perspective today, since last night I had to hold my baby while he slept…while I would have rather been in my own bed!!

    Reply
  29. Allison Killins says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:49 am

    I am guilty of doing this myself. Of seeing someone else’s life as better, more free, than my own. Thank you for reminding us to enjoy each season of our lives. I know I’ve rolled my eyes when someone says “the time goes so fast, enjoy every moment.” Sometimes it is hard to see it when you’re up to your eyeballs in snot, poop, crunched up cheerios, dirty dishes and other day-to-day minutia, but even looking back 6 years, I wonder where the time went. That is one of the unsolved mysteries of life.

    Thank you for showing us the value of contentment and living in the now, dirty dishes and all.

    Reply
  30. Brittany {Mommy Words} says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:41 am

    This was beautiful and there is so much that I will miss and that I will always remember. The laundry in particular as I fold all the little things I love.

    But never the dishes. They haunt me. There are so many and they scare me.

    Reply
  31. Amanda says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:37 am

    It really is so arduous, but the underbelly glistens with gifts.

    Beautifully etched reminder.

    Reply
  32. Scary Mommy says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Loved this. I shall ignore my full sink one day longer for her.

    Reply
  33. Miss Marina Star says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Thank you for such a beautiful wonderful reminder of how fleeting these days are. My sink is full of dishes right now and I’m feeling nostalgic rather than resentful about it.

    Reply
  34. Lori says

    May 10, 2011 at 10:56 am

    This makes me want to go home and hug my full sink! Better yet, I’m going to hug the people who keep it full!!! Thaks for this post!

    Reply
  35. Sarah says

    May 10, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Beautiful. What a wonderful post.

    Reply
  36. Heather says

    May 10, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I will tryto remember this later today when I am foldilng the never ending pile of laundry!!

    Reply
  37. molly says

    May 10, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Awwww, what a beautiful reminder to appreciate your life NOW, just as it is. Someday we’ll realize that the small stuff WAS the big stuff 🙂

    Reply
  38. Paulette says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Amazingly beautiful!

    Reply
  39. Sherri says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Oh, this is so true….so very true.

    When you’re so wrapped up in sippy cups and dirty dishes, you can’t imagine that one day you’ll miss it. And I am on the cusp of losing 50% of my dirty dishes and socks on the floor to a college dorm room two hours away.

    And I can tell you, I miss them already. Beautiful post, Jessica….as always.

    Reply
  40. Wiley says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Love this one.

    Reply
  41. Leigh Ann says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:03 am

    I’m melting reading this. Wonderful reminder that it will all be gone too soon.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:13 am

      I know, we need to find a way to slow it down but also make it just a bit easier to sit back and watch it all.

      Reply
  42. Jessica Gardner says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:02 am

    I loved this post!!!! I try to remind myself all the time of this!!! I love your reading!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:13 am

      Thanks Jessica!

      Reply
      • Jessica Gardner says

        May 10, 2011 at 9:26 am

        I guess I meant – I love you your writing 🙂

        Reply
  43. Barbara says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I love this! You have such an amazing way with words!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:12 am

      Thanks so much Barbara.

      Reply
  44. Sue the Desperate Housemommy says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:46 am

    True story: I was just having these types of wistful thoughts on Mother’s Day. Sure, I love my cherubs…at 10, 10, and 7, they’re loads of fun…but oh, what I wouldn’t give for a taste of “the good ol’ days.” Just a tiny dose, mind you.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:12 am

      Any time you need a tiny dose you can stop by my house. I’m sure you remember how amazing it is to have an extra set of hands show up. 🙂

      Reply
  45. Victoria KP says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Last night I had to “shuffle” to the grocery store when I was much too tired because my littlest one was sent home sick from school as I was on my way to run some much-needed errands. I would have had a little more spring in my step if I had read this first :-). Thanks!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:12 am

      Those late night trips are always so tough but this one definitely made me count my blessings.

      Reply
  46. Krista says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:12 am

    SIGH. This is such a great way to look at it. Why is it that I can read this, know how true it is, make a mental note to just “stop” sometimes and still when I get home tonight I will glare at the dishes, push the laundry around and shut cabinet doors a little too hard in a rush to make the house look presentable again before I go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow?

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:09 am

      I know exactly what you mean. I try to refocus and appreciate the little things but there are so many times I get overwhelmed by all there is to do and don’t enjoy things the way I should.

      Reply
  47. Galit Breen says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:00 am

    This is so very lovely. I literally have chills and don’t seem to mind the full sink or over-flowing laundry basket quite as much. Thank you, my friend, so very much. XO

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:09 am

      I’m glad you are feeling a bit better about the never ending “to do” list that we all seem to have. Thanks so much for reading, Galit.

      Reply
  48. Nicole @MTDLBlog says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Oh my…this brought tears to my eyes! Such a great way to bring it all back into perspective. We really need to value this time in our lives because it will pass us by before we know it. LOVE this!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:10 am

      Very true, my youngest is nearing two and I am already wishing he was a baby again. Who needs to shoe shop without a stroller in tow?

      Reply
  49. tracy says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Your writing is truly amazing my friend. I love this. (also jealous of the minivan)

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      May 10, 2011 at 7:28 am

      So funny, I thought of you when I wrote the minivan line. You can ride in it anytime, as long as you don’t a crushed Cheerio or ten (million).

      Reply

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