Have you seen those really cute moms who do blog posts about their makeup routines?
I love them.
I want to be them when my kids grow up. Standing in front of a mirror, putting on my makeup as I recite my latest finds from the cosmetic counter.
Believe it or not I thought I would never have the chance to post my make up routine because it’s not really blog-worthy.
Until now.
Scoot to the edge of your chair, I’m sure you will want to replicate this one:
1. Find one moment in time when your children are remotely occupied.
2. Get out your makeup bag from the “secret makeup bag hiding spot that cannot be found by your children.”
3. Peek at your adorable children and do a head count.
4. Set makeup bag on bathroom counter and begin to spread plaster over the bags under your eyes.
5. Repeat head count and notice you are one toddler short.
6. Run from bathroom with one eye semi-plastered in search of child who is also now diaperless, judging from the evidence in the hallway.
7. Catch and re-diaper two year old and return to bathroom to find someone else has sped your makeup routine right along.
8. Vow to try again someday and silently look forward to a trip to the store alone to replace your damaged goods.
Oh and how could I forget, my must haves:
-bare minerals foundation in light (still intact, the cap must have been on tight)
-Maybelline Big Lash mascara (cap deceivingly on, traces of black on outside of bottle)
-e.l.f All Over Color Stick (all over everything)
-bare minerals warmth (lightly/heavily dusted on all countertops enough to warrant the Magic Eraser)
-a bunch of other stuff thrown in there just to give my make up bag some volume and give me more to clean up
-a good bath (and mohawks all around) for my make up artists.
What is the one thing you dream of doing someday?
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The girl never seee put on makeup bc i rarely let them in my room and bathroom. But whrn my MIL & SIL visited they loved watching them get ready in the guest bathroom. Makes me want to give it a shot.
The one thing I dream of doing someday? SLEEPING AGAIN!
Funny story. And I haven’t seen makeup posts. Where have I been?
Tinted moisturizer is all I can do most days. I feel like it makes me look a little less tired, even clearly it doesn’t. But Aveda makes a great one!
That sounds like a darn good routine to me! Too bad it couldn’t end with mommy in the tub taking a relaxing bubble bath! 🙂
That is hilarious. I don’t even get makeup on most days.
Right now what I dream about doing again is sleeping past 6am!
Oh I want sleep too, then maybe there wouldn\’t be bags to cover.
I put my makeup on in the bathroom with a gate up with Eddie either throwing crap at me or yelling that he wants to come in the bathroom.
i have time for powder and eyeliner and chapstick.
Cute post!
I actually did share my make-up routine a few weeks ago in a vlog talk post, but only because it’s about three minutes long. The routine and the post. 🙂
We use a lot of the same products.
Ha! You know, they disguise their evil plans with all that cuteness…
Oh, I can so relate to this post, Jessica! Just this morning I was trying to disguise the bags under my eyes with something sparkly when my two year old busted into the bathroom to tell me that he had “big poops.”
Ahh, the glamor of motherhood!
Hmmm, the dilemma between big poops and covering bags under our eyes. What to do, what to do. 🙂
You have to have a secret hiding place too? Here I thought I was the only one. Sounds very similar to my routine, only most of my stuff is now confiscated by my teen and preteen girls before I can even attempt to put it on.
Mine try to put it on too but not in the teen way more in the, we want to destroy everything you have way.
I gave up a while ago. The boys love to play in my makeup. During the school year Lanagan comes in during the morning and asks for his “rouge” (heard that from my mom b/c that’s what she calls it). I dream of taking a bath with wine & candles. That’s what I dream of doing someday.
A bath with wine and candles? I think I\’ve seen that in a movie once or twice. So funny he asked for rouge, now your husband will know who to blame for his interest in makeup.
Well, then you’re lucky you don’t need a lot of work since you always look great in your photos.
Jess, you crack me up! Hilarious!!! Dustyn has gotten into my makeup a couple times. One day he even hid my lip gloss in his room and colored all over his walls and bed with it.
It is probably better we live in separate states, he and Parker together would be major trouble!!
I’d ask what the fascination is for kids when it comes to makeup…but I seem to remember hiding behind a chair in the living room many, many years ago while playing with mommy’s makeup. It went not only all over my face but on the wall as well.
This is why I’m glad I can’t be bothered to put on makeup if I’m not leaving the house 😉
They look so cute. My kids were exactly the same and I still have to hide my make-up from 12, she loves it. I suppose they know it is Mum’s and she cherishes it plus even the powders have a nice smell. I think they just can’t help themselves, they want to be grown-up.
Funny story, when I was about their age I found my mother’s bottle of liquid make-up, opened it to try to use it and spilled it all over my brand new cape I was about to wear out. Hey, it was the early ’70s, capes for women and kids were IN.
I don\’t think I ever wore a cape but I did taste my mom\’s perfume once. It was pink and must have looked like it would be yummy.
I only apply makeup when I shower at the gym and my kids are locked away in the child care center. Otherwise, just forget it!
I never wear makeup. I never understood the point.
LOL It really is hard to find time to do the most simple things. When my kids gorilla glued my couch? I was attempting to blowdry my hair.
I dream of jumping into a hot shower (while baby is sound asleep) and not having her wake up screaming the moment I put shampoo in my hair.
If I would have chosen to not shower…she would have slept for 2 hours straight. I’m convinced she prefers her mom, soapy and stinky.
Somday 🙂
Maybe that’s it, maybe they like us makeup free and stinky, like them.
LOL I love to make mohawks too. 🙂 But concerning the make up routine, I gave up.
I have three items left: foundation, mascara and compact powder (on some days I really manage to put on some foundation and feel goooood) and I’m hiding them way up high in the cabinet. The other things have gone/disappeared/were torn apart/poured out, you name it, and I figured there is no use in replacing them. I better wait some 2 (or better 10) years. 😉
Oh you- why are you so adorable? I think I’ll just aspire to be you when I grow up. XO
As long as you don\’t mind going makeup free for many years ahead. 😉 xo
Oh no! I remember when my girls did this to my makeup one night. I never hid my makeup, because they had never gotten into it. I started hiding it after that. Now that they are older I like to steal their makeup to make-up for it. ;D
My son would be more than happy to spring clean your makeup ;).
I laughed my head off at this. I have recession-proof make-up as it lasts forever (yep…I never get a chance to put it on!) xxx
Me neither! This is the first time I\’ve had to buy new stuff in years and it\’s only because it was dumped.
Oh. My. Gosh. Hilarious post. I remember I once spilled most of my “Warmth” (pre-kids!) all over the bathroom and no matter how hard I scrubbed, I still find places that I missed even several years later. That stuff is ridiculous.
This is seriously one of the funniest things I’ve read. I can so relate.
I use a empty compact to keep the boy amused while I apply my “hey it looks like I slept in today” face
My white bathroom cabinets have one spot with huge red circles of lipstick that never did come out. I suppose you could think of it this way–you didn’t lose some makeup, you GAINED an incredibly cute bath picture!
Next: the faux-hawkians DRESS you.
Four stylists–so lucky 😉
Thanks for your comment and tweet!
I dread the day JDaniel decides to try on makeup. Thankfully he can’t reach my makeup bag with his stepstool.
First i quit wearing contacts. That was on October 17, 1989. Soon thereafter the makeup went. I have to tell you that a MILLION years later..i look better than all those heavily made up women.
I only put on makeup when I’m going out…like really going out.
Be yourself…unless your picture is blatantly false, you look great!
Thanks Lynn 🙂
That’s actually what my bathroom looks like when I try to do my makeup myself
Is your makeup artist\’s name Parker by any chance?
So funny! Next time do it in the car when the are all strapped in.
My trick is to have my husband watch the kid while he is supposed to be getting ready in the morning, which gives me plenty of time to put on make-up and then yell at him for not being ready and making us late!
Perfect strategy!!
It was something about my daughter’s second birthday that put her in the diva mood. She HAD to get her hands on my makeup. All the time. I set up a decoy bag with all the old stuff I was never gonna use again and let her ruin it to her heart’s content. It actually worked. I worried that it might just encourage her to go after the good stuff, but the gamble paid off.
My problem is the mess created. My son can make a mess faster than anyone I\’ve ever seen, he\’d been crushing the decoy bag into the tile before I could blink. Boys.
OK. I have an idea!
1. Place make-up in travel bag.
2. Grab all the kids and tell them you’re going to the park.
3. Get them buckled into the car.
4. And apply makeup while sitting in the garage using your car’s sun visor mirror!
??? Could work right ??? 🙂
I have done that a time or two when make up was necessary. I have also put them in the car and then stood at the doorway to the garage drying my hair. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 🙂
I have lost many shades of eye shadow thanks to a certain two year old in my house. Now I have to keep them up very high and rarely get to wear any.
Thought of your makeup vlog when I was writing this. At least we think about wearing makeup, it\’s the thought that counts right?
I had no routine pre-kids, so I am way ahead of everybody.
Perfect, then having kids didn\’t change a thing. 🙂
psh….I think I’ve gotten down to just wearing lipstick and that’s even if I just leave the house. Its rare I can even do anything to my hair unless I’m leaving the house as well. Said mommys must only like have ONE “perfect” kid haha
I’d like to meet these moms who wear make up daily. I’d also like to know who is watching their kids when they apply their make up. Then I’m hiring that person to come to my house!
Ooooh, a makeup nanny, that\’s a good idea. Right now mine is Dora but she only works until commercials.
Make up routines? hahahahaha. HA.
Who are these said cute moms. Must meet them and ask how they have time to put on make-up.
You know who did a really good makeup routine vlog? Sugar Mama. She\’s gorgeous in the first place and then shared her tips. Some day I will use them.
See, this is why women my age do not have children.
If we didn’t wear makeup – we would in fact scare the young children too death …
http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com
Lol Jessica that is a tough routine. Anything that starts with makeup and ends with mohawks didn’t exactly go according to plan.
Perfectly said. The fact that I started out trying to quickly get ready and ended up with everyone in the tub is exactly how my life works these days!
Love it. Not that they tore up your make-up kit though. But I understand. I totally have given up on make up for now. You don’t need any though!
You are so nice, thank you! I have bought a few hats for this summer and am doing the hat and sunglasses thing most of the time. I look like I\’m in the witness protection program.
I don’t even bother with make up anymore. I’m pretty sure mine got tossed in the dumpster when we were moving.
Mine ultimately ends up in the trash too, I really should save the time and not buy it in the first place.