As my little men go from toddling babies to running-full-speed-ahead boys the reality of life is sinking in.
I have always been a girly girl and having two boys is like a boot camp introduction into life on the other side of the tracks.
So for all of you moms of boys out there I have a few questions:
- Why is it more fun to crash your bike into inanimate objects than ride it?
- Does dirt contain a magnetic forcefield?
- Why not just pee IN the toilet?
- What is so constricting about underwear?
- Is there also a magnetic forcefield to their boy parts?
- Any tips on breaking this forcefield while in public?
- Why are burps and farts more entertaining than a Disneyworld ride?
- What is so fun about headlocks/bodyslams/sitting on people?
- Why would anyone want to see semi-chewed up food?
- Will we ever follow my directions for craft projects?
- Is there anything more exciting than ding dongs/pee pees/weenies/whatever-they-have-decided-to-call-them-todays?
- How do they almost hit their heads with the toilet seat every. single. time?
- Are they born with talents such as straw wrapper-blowing, gate climbing, crib jumping and couch diving?
- And… why didn’t anyone tell me how fiercely little boys love their Mommies? How much my heart would stretch and grow? That I could hug someone who smells like a wet puppy and never, for a second, want to loosen my hold?
What baffles you about boys? Or do you have them figured out? (If so, please leave detailed answers to all of my questions in the comments and include your phone number so that I can call you for daily therapy sessions.)
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Oh I love this! They do fiercely love their mamas! I just wish the pee made it IN the potty.
About the peeing in the toliet my Mom in law had two boys and here’s what worked for her…..cheerios! Put a couple in the bowl and tell em it’s target practice. Good luck!
PS CHERISH THE MOMENTS!!!!
My second son passed away six years ago and I am so grateful for the memories and wonderful moments we did cherish. Those moments pass so quickly! ENJOY each and every crazy and insane one of them!♥
I am so sorry for your loss Jodi, we lost a daughter four years ago. I wish neither one of us knew this pain. It does change our perspective and make us enjoy the mess so much more though doesn\’t it?
As a mother of FIVE boys ranging in age now from 14-26, I just had to pipe in between chuckles and say raising boys has been a wonderful blessing in my life. I am still trying to figure out how pee ended up on the bathroom ceiling! Seriously. I do have to say it’s much harder when they are younger because they are always so busy and wild and rough. As they get older, they are still busy and wild and rough, but they don’t have the drama that girl’s do. THAT is SO AWESOME! Mine get over things instantly. They still do rough-house (a lot!) but I have finally submitted to the fact that most of the stuff in my house will one day end up broken anyway, so why sweat the small stuff! I do have to say I miss that “fierce” love they had for me when they were younger. They still love their “Ma”, but it’s not as fierce as it used to be. I guess that is the way it’s supposed to be so they can dedicate their love to their future wife one day. LOVE LOVE LOVE boys!!!!
Mine calls it his Pee-Battle and I think that God gave them to little boys so that they would always have a toy with them. I say things I never thought I would say like “Don’t chew on your shoes” and “Yes, someone did sneeze in the bathroom that IS why there are germs in the bathroom. Now wash your hands” . However, I would tried him for all the little girls in the world because according to him “You the best Mommy in the whole wide world!”
I’m only two years deep and I’m scared.
I love the photographs that accompany this post. I don’t have any answers for you, but I have one more for you: Do they ever grow out of these things? My guess is no.
Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today. Sweet, sweet post 🙂
OK, four boys in 6 years have given me more questions than answers, but here are a few:
1. Every culture has fart jokes, and it’s because every culture has 8 year old boys,
2. If something is fun, it is more fun faster, louder and with a ball.
3. Girls are “icky” and Moms are not girls.
4. Boys do not enjoy drama. They will argue with a friend, punch each other and then order a pizza and actually forget the disagreement ever happened.
5. Boys are more physically draining than girls from the age of 0-6 years. Girls are more emotionally draining than boys from the ages of 11-20.
Great tips, totally agree with #5, I know I\’m going to appreciate my boys even more when they are not hormonal like my girls in their teens.
Why is it that my son is the on,y boy in playgroup coated in dirt? He must have a stronger dirt magnet.
My son has that same strong dirt magnet!
I love this…Liam’s decisions continue to shock me every single day. I don’t know where he gets his ideas! He’s often the mastermind behind dangerous new games such as “run and slip” and “couch jumper”. HELP.
I\’ll send my boys to help :).
How about, “why do you pick anything off the floor and eat it?”
I’m not a girly girl and longed for a boy when I was pregnant, so I really shouldn’t be so surprised…
Lately, any state of dress that is not called “naked” has become unwelcome to Alex. I have some questions of my own.
But I’m too lazy to type them out so I’ll just borrow yours.
I have a streaker too, we have been trying to enforce the you-must-atleast-wear-underwear rule but it\’s not going so well.
Oh my, yes! Only the mother of boys could even think up those questions. But you wanted answers… sorry, ain’t got none. And as my boys’ 9th birthday approaches, they just get weirder and weirder. They STILL don’t get the “your pee goes where your body points at” concept and will turn around to talk to me WHILE PEEING. Poop is still the funniest word on the PLANET, and now Ethan has managed to incorporate it into his password on some internet game sites he goes to. Sigh.
Your guys are still too young, but one day they, too, will kiss their DSes and take them to bed with them. Because you can never spend too much time trying to capture electronic Pokemon or carving up Lego battle droids with your digital light saber.
And now, to add to the indignity… It is summer and hot and they sweat and… they are starting to SMELL like MEN in their armpits. Yikes! Deodorant had to be purchased. (Ethan wouldn’t wear my brand, demanded a “manly” scent)
But thankfully, they also get cuter and cuter. Ethan has taken to practicing leaning on things while looking up and whistling in a caricature of “nonchalant attitude” – telling me if I ever see him doing that, it means he’s just done something bad and is trying to look innocent. That boy cracks me up.
Love the password idea, so he is basically make himself laugh every time he logs onto his computer game. Smart boy you have there. But Varda I was counting on you for all of the answers since yours are older than mine! 😉
Girl, I have not figured them out – at all – but the fierce love from a momma’s boy – nothing better.
The peeing thing? Everywhere BUT the toilet? I’ve heard that continues long into adult hood (I have 4 brothers, 3 are older than me).
Love that kiddo, cute pictures.
I\’m awe of how far away they can pee too. I swear my son can get a five foot stream going.
I know that you asked for moms of boys, but as a father I have to step in.
There is so much unadulterated joy in being a boy. I LOVE the moments I get with my son where we get to just be boys and I don’t have to be the serious father.
He is 10.5 now and has made a habit of asking me what is wrong with girls. He says that he doesn’t “get” them and wants to know why his mother can see every spot of dirt but isn’t smart enough to see if the toilet seat is up or down. I almost choked with laughter at that.
My daughter is simply amazing too and I love that she has become daddy’s girl. I think that there must be some sort of “magic” instilled in the relationships between children of the opposite gender. I love my kids equally, but my daughter doesn’t fight with me like she does with her mother. And the same can be said about my son and his mom.
These kids are something else.
What a great response, I love your take on boys vs. girls. So glad you commented, I probably should have said \”parents\” huh? 🙂
ROFL! Boys are such… BOYS! Despite being raised with two older sisters, my twins are so rough and tumble. How do they know without being taught to drive everything and make motor sounds- especially when they’re surrounded by tutus and glitter and Barbies?
I even married a girly boy 😉
A few more I’d like to have answered….
Why don’t they come standard with duct tape, band aids, and outdoor showers? Why does my one year old hump my leg more than the dog does? How is it my three-year-old spends so much time trying to get to second base? Why is a wiener covered in poop so much more interesting than one that isn’t? Why is the wiener-holding hand the hand he wants to touch your face with? What is it about rocks, dirt, and dog poop that looks edible, if not delicious? Are boys born with the ability to make truck noises?
The one thing I do know? I love my boys beyond reason, but I am now a firm believer that the penis is the handicap decal of the human body.
Oh this is SO funny and so true. I told my husband that I am beginning to understand him more as I see what goes on in these little boy brains from the very beginning.
I love the what is so constricting about underwear question. I have no idea! We had terrible accidents all vacay as far as potty training. It was as though he wasn’t even trained anymore! I feel like I’m starting all over this week. Love the pics!
Oh no, if it is any consolation. Parker was the exact same way and all of the sudden it clicked this month and he isn\’t having accidents anymore. So some day it will happen.
I have 3 boys and every single day I want to rip my hair out! Why is it so fascinating to jump off of the furniture? Why would you want to see how far that raisin will go up your nose?
But if you find the answers? CALL ME! 🙂
I thought of you when I wrote this, knowing you have even more boys then me. As long as you live to tweet about it each day I will too, right??
Yes! Answers please! And why does my son, who’s still in diapers, like to WHACK himself “there”? As if it’s not bad enough that he grabs himself, but you’d think it would be uncomfortable to “beat it up.” He also likes to slide off the couch head first, straight to the floor. Why don’t these things hurt him? Oh! And I also figured out that boys are hard-wired in knowing how to naturally make sound effect noises. Crashing noises, sirens, etc… they’re just born knowing how to do that!
Forgot about the sound effects. Mine started growling like monsters before they could speak. Maybe that should have been my first clue.
Oh, Jessica…this was great! And I know!! And those pictures are SO funny! I can relate to all of those 🙂
Those were the only pictures I could post. He had stickers is many more unphotograph-able places. Why? Why? Why?
Boys are magical.
Mine are 12, 6, and 3. And I love their grubby, nasty, dingbat selves so much my heart hurts. Even the older two, who aren’t even children I birthed.
Perfectly said!!
I am a Mom of 3 boys and I am still baffled by the fact that they love to sit, jump and run into each other as well as swing each other around and push and pull on each other. What’s with the constant body contact?
Even now the 16 month old loves walking and pushing on his older brothers together so all three of them end up backed up against the wall in a fit of giggles. Huh?
I’ve come to accept that it’s just part of their “boy” make-up. In between me constantly saying “Be Careful!”, I’ve just learned to go with it and pray that my house can remain in one piece.
My boys do love their Mama and this Mama is truly grateful for their constant hugs and holds (even the wrestling ones). Boys are amazing creatures, for sure.
I guess I just need to stop trying to figure it out, put in some earplugs and remove all of the furniture huh? I constantly say \”be careful\” too but I don\’t think anyone is listening.
I don’t have answers to most of those questions. My son is only about to turn 5. I can say that we broke the forcefield (at least in public most of the time). At first, we constantly asked him to stop grabbing himself, but that (of course) had the opposite result as desired. Then we explained that it was not good manners to grab himself in public and when we noticed it, instead of instructing him, we gently moved his arm. I don’t know if he outgrew the fascination or our gentle reminders worked, but I hadn’t even thought about it until your post, so something worked.
I would like to add, what is the fascination with guns and destruction? We don’t allow violent games/tv/what have you in our house. Yet, every item that could resemble a gun becomes one.
Oh I hope our forcefield breaks soon. We haven\’t hit the gun phase yet but I\’m sure it\’s coming.
Girl I have TWO BOYS and I am still trying to figure it out. If you have any answers let me know. All I know is boys are crazy all the time, but they are the best! 🙂
So true! But I have to say I was counting on you for the answers since you are a few years ahead of me in this raising boy business.
Boys are the best. I am a much better boy mom than girl mom. My big one is going to be 8 and I swear we are two peas in a pod.
I think I am the complete opposite, I\’m better with the girls than the boys. I\’m trying really hard to love all this dirt and noise. They are easy to love, their habits are not always my favorite though.
I have no idea.
I do want to know why we marry these gross creatures though.
That\’s true, they do all grow up and get married don\’t they? I wonder what my son\’s future wife will think of his art work.
Girl, I hear ya. Boys are almost mystical creatures to me. I have 3 of them and I don’t think that I will ever understand them.
These hard hitting questions deserve answers! Let me know if you get any! I could surely use them in coping with my day to day trials and tribs with my boy!
I have three boys ages 8, 5, and 1. You’d think I would have at least SOME answers but I’m just as baffled by boys today as I was when my first son was born.
We gave up on crafts and coloring at home because they just don’t sit still long enough. They use eachother as punching bags one day and then they are on the same team saving the world the next.
I swear this will be carved into my headstone “get your hands out of your pants” My husbands explanation for this “it’s just the way it is.” Geee thanks sweetie, that provides a lot of insight!
The only thing I know about boys are they are crazy strange creatures…but those crazy strange creatures have my heart all wrapped up in them!
Laughing so hard at this comment!!
I promise it only gets better too! I have an 11 and 13 year old. I fall more in love with those boys every day! They are both so funny. And they definitely love their Mom! My heart just overflows with pride when I see how they are making their way in the world full of hope, dreams and laughter.
See I know during the teenager years I am going to be loving these boys for not being moody girls. Thanks for the reminder!
Those pictures are too much! I’m starting to learn all of those other things the hard way, and why do they have such an attraction to their boy parts even when they are babies!? Crazy! Although that last part makes it all so worth it!!
I don\’t know but it certainly helps me understand my husband\’s brain a bit better :).
Oh, love those boys! Geez, so different from girls.
My son came first and taught me all about them.
And 17 years later? I still don’t have them figured out. But my heart stretched for certain.
There\’s a magnet in there I swear!
As the mom of 2 grown boys, I love this post so much. so much boy behavior is definitely ingrained from birth…shoot-em-up stuff with anything available(guns not necessary), vroom-vroom noises with cars come automatically! You have to enjoy the male humor that never seems to advance beyond 8th grade humor…my hubs egged them on and joined in often! LOVE MY BOYS:)
oh yes…Eddie fits this definition x1000! He has no fear and prefers nudity and dirt to looking cute in clean clothes.
But he loves me without abandon and offers me sloppy kisses and sticky handed hugs every chance he gets.
I love LOVE being the mom of a boy!
Boys are definitely odd creatures. What I want to know is why sound effects need to go with every single thing they do? And why do boys (the grown kind included) think the floor is the garbage can?
By the way, pee is not the only thing that doesn’t always reach the toilet. I don’t have a picture, but I might enter that story in your messiest kid contest.
Ewww, eww, eww, eww. Yes, if that happened it is contest worthy. You at least deserve a prize for enduring it, right?
My son is 17, and this list made me laugh. He wasn’t as much typically ‘boy’ as this list of questions is, but there were many others that I shook my head at as he got older. The worst thing? Adolescent boys are gross. Expect it, and keep the soap, shampoo and deodorant coming. They can’t help it. They will come out the other end though.
My son never had an undue fascination with his boy parts, but one time he did say to me that it was weird feeling them ‘swing around’ so maybe all that other fascination is because of the swinging.
The peeing on the floor? That’s just inattention. If there was one thing I stressed with my son when he was little was that he aimed, he made it in and if he didn’t, he had to clean it up. Make it a habit, as there is nothing funny about a teenager who can’t make the toilet. Also? Both toilet seats get put down. Every. Single. Time. Believe me, the time invested in training this aspect of respect will be deeply appreciated down the road. My sons girl cousins think it’s wonderful that he puts the seat down.
And a last word, that fierce love doesn’t ever go away. Even at 17, my son hugs me like velcro. And I’m so glad.
Oh I forgot about that teenage boy stuff that is to come. I can\’t wait to continue the velcro hugs though.
the crafts…ahhh…which is why we don’t paint anymore…I caught them painting each others junk when I went to get snacks….
and the peeing…the boys bathroom has a constant smell of pee I can’t get rid of, no matter how much bleach and other crap I use…and I’ve caught them peeing into the trash can too-it was a contest-naturally
Oh that craft traveled to his pants too, he adhere those stickies to his junk and butt cheeks and then proceeded to pee that way. He came in yelling \”I peed on the number 8!\” Why? Why? Why?
I have one yet to be potty trained so I\’m assuming this peeing contest stuff is coming next?
*why must plane and sound effects include as much spittle as possible?
*are they born thinking anvils dropped off a cliff onto someone’s head
is funny?
*why must every bug encountered on a walk, be exclaimed over and
touched?
*why is making yourself into a swamp monster using wet sand the most
awesome thing ever?
And, yes, I do think there are magnets in there boy parts. I think I have finally convinced Captain B that touching yourself is something you do in private.
I have 2 boys – the oldest is only 2 and half right now. But I completely understand all those questions and “look forward” to a lot of them coming true in our household. 🙂 I get together with other moms who have one small girl only, and they think my boys are “crazy” but I try to convince them – they are just boys, and that’s the difference. While I’m running all around, catching objects flyin gin the sky and telling them not to push little girl over while she pleasantly sits on her mom’s lap the entire conversation. 🙂
So THAT’s what you’re supposed to do with foam stickers. Silly Abbey has been adhering them to things like paper and card stock!
Anxiously awaiting the answers to your list. I don’t understand how my kids can do the exact. same. thing. and D ends up 40 times dirtier than Abbey.
HAHAHA. Oh, the things I have to look forward too.
For all these reasons here, why I love being the mom of boys.
The sloppiness/impulsiveness/LIFE force that they are. I was MADE for this job.
Hahaha! I love it!
The other day my boys (almost 3 and almost 15 months) were headbutting each other in the stomachs and knocking each other over. We have 1000 toys for them to play with but they thought this was the most fun. Most the time I feel like a wrestling referee!
I have no answers, but my son thinks it’s hilarious to fart all the time, and he is always grabbing his junk (that’s what he called it yesterday). My husband is no help because he too thinks this is funny!
Oh, but my son really does love me. He prefers to play video games, cars, and wrestle with me instead of his father.
The answer is one that my boys love to use “I don’t know”.
But, raising my four sons has been the biggest blessing. They give me perspective ND a bit of a window into the male mind!
They love me like crazy and I love them right back!
I love it. Boys are nasty but the love they give their moms is so worth it. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world….. well maybe trade a little of it for not having to constantly clean pee around the toilet
My boy is only 16 months old, but already he is obsessed with his private parts. It is exactly like a magnetic attraction the moment I take off his diaper.
Also, he throws himself…I mean throws his body, head first to the ground and laughs hysterically. I’m not sure what’s so funny about pain.
Good luck, and pass on any of the wisdom you come across. I can already tell I’m going to need all the help I can get 🙂
I don’t have any answers but the questions sure made me laugh.
Little boys are SO LOUD. And MESSY.
But, oh, how they love their mamas. 🙂
My boy is almost 7, and my girls are 22 months and 4 months. ALREADY I see a difference – and it’s NOT due to our raising, either. Boys are just wonderful, awful, insane little creatures with their hands down their pants.
One tip – I told my boy that his hand was dirty, and by touching his wiener with his dirty hand, it would get his junk dirty. Since he LOVES his junk, it has stopped the touching, except in the bathtub, which is totally fine.
(It helped, later, too – he knows not to stick his hands in the baby’s mouth because his hands are dirty. He figured that out by himself! I’m glad he loves his sister as much as he loves his junk)
The fierce love is the best! My son is 8 and I still get so much loving from him! Nothing quite like it 🙂
I have three boys and all I can say is, I think God made their brains develop differently so they wouldn’t be scared of being a creature of nature.
Oh, one more boy than me, I don\’t know how you do it. At least you are alive to comment about it ;).
The hardest part is having 2 boys. Once you’ve had 2, 3, 4 or whatever doesn’t add on, its just getting used to BOYS! Its when you have any multiple of boys that is mind boggling how different they are. My boys are now 23 and 24 years old so I’ve been through it all, seen it all, heard it all! But as I read your posts and questions and remember each new stage, I only have loving, happy memories. My advice…just go with the flow. We as women can never answer the whys of what makes boys sooooo different. They just are.
I am forever awed by the differences between my boy and my two girls. I remembering debating nature v. nuture in college and now I know, boys are just wired differently.
What I don’t get is how my 9 year old boy can just sit in front of the TV for hours (if I let him) doing nothing but watch TV. How can he do that? My girls have to be doing some project!
Mine is the same way. Tv off and he is running wild but turn a movie on and he is hypnotized.
I don’t have the answers ….but more questions…..
*why was it never their fault?
*why are they always in the way when someone is messing about at school and end up injured? (several trips to A&E this school year)
*why didn’t they hand in the homework I lovingly put into a folder, that is now screwed up in the bottom of school bag?
support group for mums of boys needed. 🙂
carol
Oh no! So it is only going to get more complicated? I think I will stick to trying to figure out couch dives.