Recently I had the luxury of grocery shopping by myself.
I know, how often do you see the words “luxury” and “grocery shopping” in the same sentence? I live the glamorous life.
So as I shopped I started thinking…
anyone passing me at this moment would never know that I had five children.
Maybe they think I’m just a married career woman, out getting the ingredients to cook a candlelight dinner for my husband and I.
Or maybe I’m stocking up on snacks for a road trip with just the girls.
Or maybe I’m hosting a fancy-shmancy cocktail party and just walking the aisles, making a mental list for our personal chef.
And then my cell phone started ringing.
So I dug in my purse to find it and a diaper fell out.
While leaning down to pick up the diaper I noticed a syrup stain on my boob (breakfast for dinner = the best).
My daydream of the mystery woman I may be mistaken for was rapidly fading.
I debated on using a baby wipe from my diaper bag purse to wipe off the syrup but a huge wet mark on my chest screams “I’m lactating” and would blow my cover.
Nonetheless I continued on. Maybe if my fellow shoppers did not catch the flying diaper and my purse strap strategically covered my boob-stain, I could keep up my facade.
I filled my cart with fruit snacks and organic goldfish, a monster carton of orange juice and three boxes of cheerios. Last but certainly not least, I moved over my jumbo box of Pampers in order to make room for three bottles of wine (on sale!).
Gazing into my cart I realized that it was over.
Kids in tow or not, I might as well look like this.
Tattoos are for the young and carefree anyway right?
What is your “Mom Tattoo”? What gives away your mom status when you are out without the kids?
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This is so good. I found it on accident by google imaging tattoo and luckily found your blog. Love it.
I have simliar thoughts that I’m fooling everyone. Then I realize no one even cares to begin with lol.
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I have a friend who met her husband at the grocery store. Every time I think of her story, I can’t help but realize every man of the single variety would take one look at me – and my cart filled with apple crushers and lunchbox fillers – and keep walking.
Oh that’s funny, and so true! My mom tattoo is usually the fact that I haven’t done my hair or make up, am wearing glasses and linger around the grown up isles a little too long (cleaning supplies, dish washing detergents, etc.).
I can’t say I understand the “Mom” tattoo concept but I sure relate to the idea of grocery shopping as a luxury. 😀 Who doesn’t love a little peace and quiet in the grocery store?
Happy Belated SITS day!
Hmm…I usually let my tattoos speak for themselves (and yes, I mean that truthfully!).
I guess the circles under the eyes, haggard look and the never-ending need of Pull-Ups hints at my mom-ness.
My family jokes with me that I just put food on my shirt as part of getting up in the morning because it’s so rare they see me without something on it. I’m praying that will fade as my son gets older and will be replaced with other mom tattoos!
I wouldn’t notice that you weren’t a mom. I’d think you were like me. I’m completely blind to the details (much to my boyfriend’s annoyance – he’s a detective). I would have thought “wow, she doesn’t have kids either, I wonder if she’d like to go get a pedicure with me.” And I would have been inspired by your cart – “good for her, I miss those kids snacks, by the way, where are the fruit loops?”
Your cover wasn’t blown with me 🙂
Visiting from SITS Girls 🙂
You know, I keep thinking about how the five years since I became a mom have aged me, and that I need to get a peel or some injectables or maybe just a full night’s sleep. Then perhaps I could claw back some of the youth that has been so meanly stolen from me. Now I’m just thinking I need a mommy tramp stamp!
This is so perfect. I love how you captured the moment! You’ve got me thinking what parts of me scream “MOMMY” when I’m out and about on my own…
I am not a mommy but I am often told “You are such a mom.” It is usually because of things like how I carry wet ones with me everywhere I go LOL
So true … we can’t quite escape the evidence! And I personally love to grocery shop alone. A true luxury, indeed!
Enjoy your SITS Day! 🙂
I think my undereye circles, dried slobber stains, and marker scrawls on my hands give me away.
Now that my son is 9, the tattoo is fading and I can actually get away with looking like a childless gal. However, when he was younger, it was the constant supply of things to keep him busy that tipped people off. Sadly, I still pack like that when I am going on a business trip, all by myself, so the response is always, “You can tell you’re a mom.”
Great post! Funny and so true, but wear that tatoo proudly. I took my daughter to get her hair trimmed yesterday and when I looked in the mirror there, I realized how little I focus on myself anymore. Even the hairstylist commented that mommy could use a haircut too. Not to mention an eyebrow wax, manicure, etc. I will be scheduling some me time soon. Happy SITS day!
OMG that is hysterical! It’s true I can spot you Mom’s from a mile away while I casually stroll the grocery store aisles….HA! It’s really not “luxurious” at all. 😉
I LOVE this! My mom tattoo is definitely that I cry too easy since becoming a mom–a Folger’s commercial, a movie, a news story, a line of geese walking across the street being led by their geese mom–it’s ridiculous!
I love knowing that I am not the only one who walks around with stains. Love your blog.
I remember going to the grocery store with my 4 kids in tow. There usually wasn’t room in the cart for much food so I totally “get” luxury” and “grocery shopping” in the same sentence. Been there. Now I have lots of room, I can luxuriously saunter the aisles, and I can get ingredients for grown up meals with my new husband. There are times that I miss having them underfoot – but grocery shopping is definitely not one of them. Thanks for reminding me that some chores on the to-do list are now treats. And I guess I still have a tattoo – since I blog as an empty nest mom. Always a mom – right? The Empty Nest Mom
My kids are a little older and no one ever wants to come with me. Sometimes I wish they would because they always complain when I don’t bring home the things that they want.
Back to the point…this post was hilarious and so true. Because I am mostly alone in the stores what definately gives me away is my phone is constantly ringing with calls of “mom, he did this…” “mom, he called me that…”, “mom, he punched me…” “mom, he won’t let me play with…” It’s never ending. Ring, ring, ring. I cannot go anywhere alone without one of them calling me with something totally dumb! So I end up yelling into the phone at the store and people just stare at me like I’m a psycho. FUN!!!
So true, whenever my oldest stays with her grandparents she calls constantly. It\’s like they are gone but not really.
WOW! Here I thought I was the only one had trips like this…lol. Great post.
I don’t need a tattoo. The permanent imprint of the driver’s seat on my backside speaks louder. And the bags under my eyes give the extra detail that I’m the mother of teenagers.
Oh Driver\’s Seat Butt, I forgot about that one!
I was just thinking the other day walking through a store that I smiled at a mom and her children and I wondered if she thought I was some weirdo or realized I was giving her the “I’m a mom too” smile. Sans kids, I’m not sure if I scream “mom” or more so, “put some make up on, brush your hair, and take the yoga pants off” Which you know is my mom “uniform”
So funny and so true…. I often wonder if anyone would know I was a mom if I didn’t have all the accessories. For me, these days it’s usually a sticker that’s on my chest.
And don’t let anyone tell you different, grocery shopping alone is SO a luxury!!
I ran out the other night and realized when I got home that u had some unidentifiable crusty stuff around the collar of my shirt. Another time I reached up to scratch my ear and pulled off a huge dried booger, compliments of one of my three snotty nosed kids.
Oh so gross but totally how life is.
That’s hilarious. I am just getting my mommy tattoo and yeah, the giant belly is my dead giveaway. It’s funny, I have an angel tattoo on my shoulder that used to get noticed. Now, it’s just strangers coming up and wanting to rub my belly. Oh I and bought a “sensible” bag instead of the new Gucci I wanted.
Ummm that would be me, grinding my teeth, face about ready to explode and my little fashion accessory by the name of Chunky Monkey throwing a tantrum.
oh and I’d be wearing flip flops and yoga pants
Is there anything to wear other than flip flops and yoga pants?
I recently went to the grocery store alone, as well. It was nice to say the least! But yeah, my dead giveaway was the package of wipes, the organic “Jammy Sammy” and the ungodly amount of cheese that my daughter can’t live without. The only thing that was in the cart for me was the bottle of wine. And I’m sure you’re well aware that wine is essential when you have kids. Some days more than others!
I’ve seen moms at grocery stores. Going alone is def. a luxury!
You can\’t miss us :).
OH this is FANTASTIC! I’m sure my dead giveaway are the binkies that fall out of my pockets. Then there’s always the talking to myself as if my children are beside me that makes me a dead ringer for a mommy tattoo!
Oh the binkies, how could I forget? I have them everywhere. And we call them \”binkies\” too :).
I think the combo of the giant bags under my eyes, untamed hair, stained shirt, and inability to find anything I need in my purse at the checkout give me away. Especially when the cashier asks, “How are you today?” And I grin and respond too happily, “I’m at the STORE! And my kids AREN’T!”
The bags seem to be a universal mom sign, mine are growing I think.
They’re across my stomach.
Eventually you don’t even need the nappy (diaper) or food stains, your whole demeanour changes to one of Mummy. I even Mummy strangers, it’s ingrained now, more indelible than any tribal body markings.
So true, we can \”mom\” just about anyone!
You had me laughing with this post! Too funny about luxury and grocery shopping, but I’ve heard this from my friends that have kids. Cute tattoo 🙂
Thank you, haven\’t gotten it done permanently yet :).
I remember a few years ago when my kids were all having tantrums as I tried to talk to the plumber who was fixing our toilet. The kids were wailing and screaming “MOMMY! MOMMY”. They were relentless. After a few minutes of this, the plumber says to me, “Boy, I bet you wish you could change your name!” I said back, “it may come as a surprise to you, but my name isn’t MOMMY!”
So funny! Sometimes I truly think there is a chance I may forget my actual name.
I laughed when I read your tweet yesterday. I was tempted to respond with my friend’s quote on facebook about aging with tattoos, “A butterfly on the back becomes a vulture on the crack,” or something like that. But I think you should do it if you want to – whatever makes you feel young and swingy. I’m hoping to feel more of that with my youngest starting school this Fall.
I\’ve never heard that one and I don\’t think I want to test it\’s validity with a real tattoo on my back ;).
That has to be the winner right there! I’m sorry but it doesn’t get any more obvious than that! Ohh!
FUNNY!
For me – grocery shopping and luxury belong together….I LOVE to grocery shop! I usually miss the mommy clues and tend to look in peoples cart and wonder what they’re going to make.
So I walk around the stores, clueless to the hints of humanity looking at the items in their cart and mentally cooking for them….
You’re right, you know…breakfast at dinner does equal the best!
Breakfast at dinner is the only way I can get all of my kids to eat everything on their plate. Total win!
Ha ha! What a great and TRUE post! I can so relate and have walked in looking like death and smelling worse I’m sure. Sadly, the grocery people are used to seeing me that way and they don’t recognize me if I walk in looking like a normal “non-mom.”
Oh mine would never recognize me without flip flops and yoga pants.
HA! I am cracking up. This is so spot on true. My mom tattoo was the macaroni noodle my stylist pulled out of the back of my hair the other day.
Are you kidding? That is so funny! The one place you go without kids and there is a noodle in your hair… just to remember him by, huh? 🙂
Usually when I check out at the grocery store my smart ass cashier comments “You must have a lot of kids”.
Duh!
So jealous you went to the grocery store by yourself
It was SO nice, you should try it some time :).
What is this grocery shopping alone concept? I’ve usually got a 3 year old in the TV Kart blaring something from Disney Jr. when I’m at the grocery store, lol. My mommy tattoos include those listed above… wet hair, no make up (at least my skin is healed and I’m ok with that now), a stain somewhere, flower hair clip somewhere on my clothes that I was trying not to lose, etc. I started a business just to attempt to live that fantasy now and again. But as much as I dislike them, I’m happy that I have the honor of wearing the “mommy tattoo.”
Haha! I know exactly what you’re talking about. I have once wondered if people know MY story when I am out without kids. I think they might notice the dark circles under my eyes that I tried to conceal in the morning, but some how have shown up again!
Or the toys that are coming out of my purse while I remove my wallet to pay for the groceries. You would think I would remember to remove them after I get home from a trip like that, but nope. Thinking about it, I have a vibrating toy spider in my purse that my son left in it. It’s pretty realistic too!
OH MY GOODNESS I love this post.
Hilarious and sweet and so true it hurts (well, less than a tattoo).
I know I’m so very obviously a mama even when I’m not with my kids. I always wear a look that says, “I’m checking the clock I have only fifteen more minutes is that my cell phone going off who is bleeding is it bedtime yet?”
I ran in to the grocery store last week to buy a bottle of champagne to bring to a party. I was in a rush and holding my purse and phone and the bottle so I left my sunglasses on.
The checkout clerk carded me.
I may have cried a little with joy since I’m twice the legal drinking age and my crows’ feet mean I almost never get asked for ID.
Naturally, I haven’t taken my sunglasses off since.
Oh yeah.
Haha! Oh my gosh, I can so relate!! I have to say, I look in the mirror every time I go out in public because of a little incident with a piece of a cherry pop-tart being stuck to my shirt and noticing it at Target (after some bozo pointed it out). Yes, I can definitely relate.
So funny. I’m sure you kept people going for a while, though!
Yep, bags under my eyes for me too.
Awwww, OWN IT, SISTAH!!!! Though I admit this post definitely made me giggle a bit (it was the diaper flying out of your purse visual) I got a little pang just the same thinking that you have a hubby and kids to go home to. I know it’s silly, but this is the perfect “grass is always greener” scenario, right?
I believe it’s the bags under my eyes that give me away!
Great post…I laughed my way through it 🙂
I can’t remember the last time I shopped without at least a couple of kids.
This post is perfect. I like to fantasize that, minus the kids, I could pull off the well-put-together carefree woman look. I know I fail horribly. Everything about me screams mommy too!
I don’t get to the store often by myself. I think the frantic throwing of things in my cart so I can get home would hint that I am a mom.
I used to particularly enjoy changing before bed and realizing I had a line of spit-up down the back of my shirt. All day.
My mommy tattoo is that I’m wide-eyed and joyful at Target by myself. As in humming to myself as I take five luxurious minutes in the dish towel aisle.
Besides my actual tattoo of my children’s names…. 😉
I think that the dead give away that I am a mom is the tired look on my face and the bags under my eyes.
Man, I’m just jealous that you can buy wine in the grocery store. Seriously, I need to move out of PA.
Your Friend, m.
Pretty sure my Mom Tattoo is the hot minivan I roll around town in.
Oooh, I\’ve got that one too.
Mine would probably be the obnoxiously dark circles under my eyes, or like you, the stain on my shirt. We’re past the point of diapers in my purse (since the little guy has his OWN bag now that stays in the car), but I’m always pulling race cars and Army Soldiers out of my bag. Dead giveaway that not only am I a mom, but a BOY mom at that.
This is spot on for me too. Are we living the same life? ;-P
I had some of the same thoughts while at Target by myself the other day. It was just me but my cart was full of stuff for the kids!
And my car gives me away too. Full of car seats and kid junk and a big sign on the dash with my son’s name on it for school pick up line – ha!
I have had the same fantasy while out and about in the grocery store alone. I assume people would take me for a normal 20 something college student. No responsibilities, filling her cart with wine and beer, to head back to her two bedroom apartment that she shares with her roommate to party it up for the night………until I notice the spit up on my shirt from B or someone notices the pull ups, diapers, wipes, formula and gummy snacks in my cart. AHHH there’s the eye rolls!! Thanks for making my grocery shopping trip complete..kids in tow or not…I always get the eye roll:)
That was me at Target yesterday…I thought I was hot until I walked through the mirror section!
It was a nice idea while it lasted! One day there won’t be diapers cluttering up the cart or your purse.
When I first read the blog title, I was thinking you had a real tattoo! I have a long time to go before I will ever be able to go without this kind of Mommy tattoo. Bows, crayons, balls – they can all come tumbling out of my purse at any moment. Its more Roxy’s than mine these days.
On the other hand, I got a real Mommy tattoo right after Roxy was born. A tiny ladybug on my shoulder. 🙂
So true! I usually have an utterly glazed look on face which I hope makes people think I am a mom. Otherwise I just look like I am on drugs.
I think it’s my geeky clothes!
um, i think the giveaway for me right now would be my giant-ass belly. or my shopping cart at target full of baby stuff and maternity clothes.
so cute, Jessica! loved this!
😉
The belly probably is about the most obvious mom tattoo you can have.
Ummm…yep. I am guessing that the Giant Belly *might* be a bit of a Giveaway. : )
Lol. The belly always gives it away. Mine’s only been gone for 2 weeks now!!
So many things would scream “I am mom!”. Like never wearing heels anymore. Tank tops being my best friend. Forgetting to wear makeup. Glasses smudged with little fingerprints.
But perhaps the biggest giveaway? When out with friends instead of saying I have to go to the bathroom I say I have to go to the potty. And when I noticed an oil smear on the table in front of my friend I pulled a wipe out of my purse and wiped it up!
I knew what you meant :).
I actually kinda want a *real* mom tattoo. But not on my face. 🙂
I still carry my diaper bag, and will until Maddie is more reliable with the potty training stuff. I have no hope of being tattoo free until then. 🙂
Just like what people put out in the trash or their recycle bin every week, I’ve learned you can tell a lot about a person by what’s in their shopping cart. I might be alone, but the Fruity Pebbles and cartons of juice boxes are a dead giveaway that I’m a mom.
That and my kids’ names tattooed on my leg!
I love this! I can absolutely relate! There is no escaping that badge of honor! Wear it proudly!
Diaper in purse – check, stained clothes – check.
I have left the house with about ten little barrettes in the back of my hair, placed by Abbey and promptly forgotten about by me. Oops.
This post is brilliant. My telltale sign at Target is the baby supplies inevitably piled in my cart, since that’s where I buy diapers, wipes, baby clothes, etc. Yes, my days of shopping the home decor section of Target, housewares section of Target, or even the workout wear section of Target, are sadly over.
At the grocery store, though, I think my cover is still safely in place. Unless the lack of make-up and yoga pants automatically give me away.
And like you, I’m also under the [ most likely mistaken] impression that everyone I pass is checking out my cart and wondering what my story is. After all, that’s what *I* do at the grocery store! 😉
and as a homeschooling Mom, my purse always seems to hold pencils, tape and – scissors – fun when going thro airport security.
Wear your ‘tat’ proud Mom, wear it proud!
btw tell Tracy I can never move to Minnesota now – no wine?
http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com
This is great! And so true….thank goodness for wine. 🙂
My giveaway? Super balls & hot wheels. They are in every purse, jacket pocket, car. Everywhere. Love the breakfast for dinner by the way
yes, I can relate to this one!!! I love how so many of us have had this fantasy, only to be made aware of just how obvious our “mommyness” is despite being without the kids!
This was hilarious!! I have often had this same fantasy, only to be rudely brought back to reality by the contents in my cart. LOL
GREAT POST!!
Ha ha! So true! I often wonder what the cashiers think when she sees me alone and my main purchases are wine (though not lately), diapers and wipes (in bulk) with a couple of vegetables in between.
Oh I love this! So true. Usually it’s my wet hair and no make-up as I don’t have time to get myself ready before leaving the house.
Also, your grocery stores have wine? I’m very jealous.
Yours don\’t have wine? I\’ve never heard of such a thing.
I am often covered in stains and buy huge amounts of weird snack food.
Obviously my ability to correctly portray myself as a happening 20something is a clear failure.
Or maybe I am portraying myself as a 20 something and didn\’t even know it???