Lately it seems that I have been surrounded by people whose children are newly diagnosed with autism. Talking them through the days ahead brings back memories of what it was like for us.
Autism is an all-consuming disorder and when your children are young and you are dredging your way through those early years, wondering what the future is going to be like, there isn’t a lot of time to come up for air.
Here are a few things you can do to support someone who has a child on the autism spectrum:
1. Ask what they need. Running errands with a child with autism is very difficult. They are often overwhelmed in public places. I left many a full grocery cart in the store when my daughter was growing up because she just could not make it through the rest of the trip. If you are running anywhere, the dry cleaners, the grocery store, the pharmacy, call and see if they need anything. Ask often. It may take them a while to get comfortable with your offer before they give in and let you do it.
2. Invite them to your house, on a play date, anywhere. Having a child with autism is very isolating. He or she is usually not the playmate other children their age choose. They get overlooked and, in turn, their moms do too. Do you know who the best teacher is for a child with autism? A child without. Even if they come over and the child with autism is only interested in your heater vents and your kitchen sink, invite them again. If a play date doesn’t seem like it would work for whatever reason, ask the mom out for coffee or a glass (or bottle) of wine. She needs your company and a night out, more than she even knows.
3. Include them. Does your husband coach soccer? Are you a Girl Scout leader? Sunday school teacher? Friends with your daughter’s dance instructor? Invite them to join. Do whatever you can ahead of time to prepare others to be open and accepting to their child. Being out and about in the community is very difficult for families of children with autism. Many don’t get involved in activities for years because they are worried about how their child with handle the situation and how others will treat them. The best thing you can do is make sure they feel welcome and pave the way for them to join, making sure they feel supported and not judged.
So there is my list, all of the things that can make those early years a bit more bearable. And with only three things? It should be easy for you to pick one to try 😉
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Thanks so much for sharing this. My 3 year old little cousin was diagnosed with autism and sometimes it’s hard for me to know what to say to my aunt and uncle. Great tips!
These are some great tips, Jessica. And I think you’re absolutely right. Parents of children with autism want to feel included, too, and it’s important to let them know they are not alone. Thank you for posting this.
Great list, and really good tips. Always helpful to hear this from someone who’s been there.
Thanks for posting this… I shared it on my blog too. Our almost three year old was diagnosed shortly after he turned two, which was about the same time our nine month old daughter passed away… Both of these things have been very isolating- in very different ways. This was also a reminder for me that even though Max doesn’t necessarily like to go other places, etc., we need to go when people invite us over, because its good for him (and me!).
Throughout elementary and middle school, my oldest daughter befriended a little boy who had autism. Everyday, he ate lunch with her and a small group of girls which made him feel welcomed and accepted. My daughter understood that he was different in some ways, but didn’t treat him any differently than she treated her other friends. The friendship was a good thing for both of them.
Great list!
How great that your daughter did this for that little boy. I can tell you from personal experience that what she did probably warmed his mothers heart.
What a wonderful list of great tips!! Thank you for posting this!
Great list! And some good things to keep in mind, thank you
Thank you for this. I will know how to help if I run into a mom with these needs.
These are great tips, Jessica! It’s so important to me to have my children around all different kinds of kids. I have a cousin with autism and always wonder what I can do to help – great advice included here.
So glad you feel this way Lauren, I wish all moms did.
What a sweet post. One of my friends, she has a son with autism. I know she get worried about how he will act around other people. He doesn’t like to be touched, but he’s a sweet child and very smart!
As always you give me insight into this condition and how to help when I feel helpless, I will keep all these things in mind and do my best to take advantage other families if and when I can. Thank u!
Excellent tips! My life would have been so much better if people had done #s 2 and 3 for me! I felt so isolated and alone during those early days!
Me too!
What a great list. Sometimes it’s awkward to reach out to someone – not realizing that they may feel the same. Thank you….
You know what’s made me more understanding and aware? That show Parenthood. I saw a mom recently in Wal-Mart and her teen child was wailing and upset. The poor mom was trying hard to comfort her while everyone was staring. I wanted to hug her. I should have.
I loved that show, anything that gives a realistic portrayal of what life is really like is so helpful. I love that you had compassion for that mom instead of thinking she couldn\’t control her child, like many would.
This is great, easy advice that everyone can do. Thanks for the reminder that sometimes the best thing is to just accept and include.
Good advice as always.
What a fantastic resource! Thanks for writing this.
Three very do-able, easy tips! I’m Stumbling and RT-ing this.
Thanks so much Tonya!
Great advice. Sometimes it’s so hard to know and you just did a lot to help people know better how to help.
Such an important reminder/helpful list.
You’re such an angel.
Sometimes we all just need to be told what to do, even when the answer is as obvious as “do what you would want others to do for you.” It’s so good of you to write this and put it out there. We all need a reminder sometimes.
Your not leaving dads out, are you?
I like wine too.
Great tips!
m.
Of course not!! Sending wine :).
Great suggestions and good reminders for everyone. Why leave anyone out?!
Such great tips. Especially to include them.
We’re not quite in the same boat, but we’re in a similar one… and acceptance helps so much.
Thanks for the tips, Jessica. Heater vents and kitchen sinks are not a big draw here, but if anyone has a house full of door stops, especially the spring kind that “boing” when you swat at them, I’ve got a boy who would love to come over.
Who doesn\’t love a good door-stopper :).
These are great tips. When my son was newly diagnosed, the friends who got it and didn’t judge us were the ones that really helped us through.
Such a great post. I think a lot of these things cross over a spectrum to all types of parents. Some of these things are just being a good friend/neighbor/etc. I know that when I first moved here or first had my son someone making an effort to make me feel included would have made the world of difference. I will try to keep all of these tips in mind.
These are great points! My son and I can learn so much from spending time with all kinds of children.
Totally agree, it is great for all kids to be around different people with different abilities.