I am asked often, how I manage to keep my calm each day. (This question may have come up several times since my son developed a new found love for permanent markers.)
I wish I had a short answer for this question, one that does not change the mood in a room or leave eyes searching for tissue.
My answer is this:
I have sat with a daughter with no life left.
I have felt the silence and the emptiness of saying goodbye when she was already gone.
This feeling has left me with a profound gratefulness for the pulse of life.
Marker on the walls, play-doh in the carpet and a two year-old who doesn’t want to sit in a car seat, are not even a blip on my radar screen.
They are reminders of life.
Life is debating over clothes,
confiscating a red pen
and peeling stickers off the window,
as much as it is
the weight of a sleeping toddler on my chest,
the warmth of a head on my shoulder
and a teenager who will still hold my hand.
So the choice to treasure the ups and the downs is an easy one.
The silence of loss makes the noise of life
music to my ears.
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