Just the two of us awake, we sit on the front porch.
I point out flowers on branches and explain the luck of a four leaf clover. You listen intently while trying to resist the dirt calling your name and a bug coming towards your toes.
Will bugs bite me, Mommy?
Nope Buddy, those bugs don’t bite.
I don’t know one bug from the next so I pull you to my lap.
They only want to hug my feet Mommy? And sometimes bees just want to kiss us?
My whole body smiles because this is you.
This is the loud little boy who can make the house shake, or whisper so softly he is barely heard.
This is the wild man who flies down the driveway but stops short to help his sister put on her shoes.
This is the You I don’t want to let go of.
As you begin preschool, I have the usual worries.
Will you cry when I leave? Will you make friends quickly? Will your teacher be patient with your ways?
But I worry most about your heart.
I worry that you will change.
I am afraid someone may laugh when you pick purple instead of blue or play house instead of army men…
and you will try to be who you are not.
As you head off to your first day without me, my strongest hope is that your Daddy and I are doing this parenting thing right.
I hope that we are instilling you with pride in yourself.
I hope you like the amazing little man you are becoming as much as we do.
I hope you aren’t afraid to stop playing tough and wild and loud, to take a few minutes to cuddle on the porch with your mom.
I hope your beautiful blue eyes stay open to the magic of hugging bugs and four leaf clovers and the important person you are.
I love you with everything I have,
Mommy
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my heart just exploded, look at that little handsome guy!
plus I wonder too about my boys, even without being raised in a house with girls, they feel nurturing, they comfort, they like to play house and put the “kids to bed” too.
I am sure everything is going to be awesome for his year. You are doing such a great job as MOM. xo
Thank you so much Kir, he is doing great, thank goodness.
What a sweet boy, reminds me of on of my twins….gentle souls.
Oh my. This hit me right in the heart. So similar to Connor, and I want him to stay the same too.
Can’t we just keep them this way forever?
Oh my…why do I never remember to bring tissues when reading your posts? This is beautiful. I’ve been thinking of you and hope he had a wonderful first day. xoxo
Tomorrow is the big day I have to drop him off. Scary!!
So sweet. I hope he stays true to himself in school and that he enjoys it.
So far there have been lots of tears but I\’m hoping he starts to like it soon.
That was absolutely wonderful. I fear too as our kids go to school and their innocence will get taken from them too soon. Sort of like already not believing in Santa Claus at 4. You want them to hold on to that as long as they possibly can.
That is a perfect analogy. Can I just hope he believes in Santa until college?
Precious. What a handsome guy. Love your words for him…
Thanks Elaine, I think he’s pretty handsome too ;).
Ohhhhh this is lovely. He sounds like such a sweet, special boy. I can see why you’d be worried, because so much of how we see ourselves comes from what we heard from other kids when we were young. But I know that you and your husband are doing everything you can to instill that inner strength and sense of self that all kids need. He’s a lucky little guy to have the two of you.
Thanks so much Jen, I hope so!
What a handsome adorable guy!
Thank you, I think he\’s pretty cute too ;).
That is probably my number one fear…that he will change.
We have to trust in them and trust in what values we instiled in them….sigh parenting is so hard
I know! This part was not in any books that I read. Actually most of their childhood so far hasn\’t been. Who writes those books anyway?
This is so perfect, my friend. xoxo
Oh, so sweet, Jessica. I hope he doesn’t cry when you leave him…that is just TOO hard. My oldest went through a phase in 1st grade where he cried when I left. It absolutely broke my heart. I’m sending happy thoughts for your first day. XO
Oh he cried and we were only in the next room. Hope things go better next week.
You captured it beautifully. Thank you for sharing what is in your heart, as it’s similar to what’s in many of ours.
I am right there with you. My middle just started all day kindergarten. (It is so weird to be left at home with my 3rd little guy all alone!) Good luck to your little guy. It is SO hard to let go… and it is hard not to let our mind wander to what “might be.” Stick to the present… that’s ALL you can do. Beautiful post Jessica.
Sticking to the present is great advice. I will try to do that.
Awww I remember when my two older boys went into preschool. It’s so bittersweet. I know I will feel the same emotions when Buggy goes. You just don’t want them to change, you want them to keep the way they’ve always been with you.
Beautifully written!
Exactly. Is it naive to hope he still wants to sit on my lap for the next 10 years? 😉
Darling picture. I love this. As soon as Lucas is out of my care, I worry about his heart too. I worry that he’ll lose his innocence and become something different than I’ve grown used to. But at the same time, that’s exactly what I want for him; to grow and learn and develop. It’s a fine line and you describe it here so beautifully.
How cute is he? Love the tie! My middle son (now 10) broke my heart during those preschool years. He used to literally stuff himself in the cubby when I left. Or his entire body would be pressed against the window so he could see me as I walked away. It was awful! But he made it through and now he LOVES school. And I’m happy to say he has the same gentle spirit and kind heart. He’s just a bit braver.
Oh I am so glad that you told me this. I truly needed to hear that the struggles and tears are worth it in the end.
How can you not adore a boy who imagines that bees sometimes just want to kiss us…
That says it all right there.
Optimism in a nutshell.
Love in a preschooler.
Hugs to you both.
OMG reading this so made me tear up. I have no clue why, actually I do. Its sweet and touching and I can feel and hear the sincerity of your words. You have quite a handosme young fellow there. Hope he had a great first day at school!
Beautiful post. It is a proud/scary moment that we all have to go through at some point.
What a big day! Noah will be starting preschool in a few weeks and my heart aches at the thought of him changing and being afraid to be who he really is. Hopefully he’s still too young for that, but there is always that fear. I love the innocence of the hugging bugs. So sweet.
I’m sure that he will do amazing! And so will you!
First days are so much fun, aren’t they?
Hugging bugs….I love this piece Jessica. Beautifully written and tugs at the heart of all mothers!
Thanks you, love when you stop by to read. Hope you are doing okay.
I hope he had a great day and I’m sure you’ve done a great job. I struggle with the same things, I’m hoping we all do!
Oh, Oh, and oh.
For me, it’s the peanut thing that has me in knots
KNOTS.
I hear ya, mama.
We will survive right? Although I may be crying more than him.
Oh, Jessica!! I’m sorry that you worry about him, but I hope – for both of you – that his foray into school is wonderful and positive and very purple-filled! 🙂
What a beautiful post! I hope he had a great first day!
Also, he looks SO handsome in that pic!
Oh, a very happy first day…so cute! I loved this…
I love that he wore a tie! I bet he has a blast. JDaniel wasn’t sure about going to preschool last Tueday. Once he was there he had a wonderful time.
I would love for you to link this post to my Back to School Traditions link up!
So very sweet. I have a sweet little girl and I was so worried when she started pre school that the kids would walk on her. But you know what happened? She made THEM more gentle and kind. 🙂
I think that little boy is stronger than you know. At least as strong as his mommy.
I love this so much, and I can relate to it so much as we get ready to send Abbey, too. You put it just perfectly. Good luck to both Parker & McKenna next week xoxo
This brought tears to my eyes and I pictured my own little boy going off to school everyday! I hope your little guy has a GREAT day!!
Oh this was so sweet. I hope those same things for mine, too. It never gets easier, does it?
They won’t want to stop cuddling until they’re at least 12, right? I can’t imagine that day.
Hope he had a great day!
*sigh* that was so beautiful! It’s all any parent can wish for. I wish it for you, too.
What a handsome man.
I hope his day was wonderful!
Just love this and I hope Parker is always perfectly Parker.
Awwwww. I love this post Jessica. I hope he does well. I have the same fears as you but you said it so much more beautifully.
BIG happenings for a BIG boy … but still a cuddler … love it!
http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com
He is so precious and that was a beautiful note. I love reading all these milestones as all of our kids make these huge strides.
I love this post. Took be back twenty plus years to when I did this with my own sons……
Oh my, this is lovely. Happy first day to your sweet boy {and your sweet heart}. XO
Thank you Galit, I hope your little guy had a great birthday.