Dear Hadley,
I want you to know that yesterday was just for you.
Your Daddy and I dreamt of the four year old you and how you would spend a perfect day.
I shut the door to an overflowing laundry room and we ate out every meal.
There was leaf-pile jumping and sword fights with sticks (for the boys, of course), flying on swings and rolling down hills.
We loved each other to pieces yesterday Hadley, just for you.
One day I will be able to gather you in my lap and whisper thanks for what you have done for our family.
How in falling apart, we were bound together stronger. How your Daddy and I would drop just about anything for a park or a petting farm or a day in the sun.
You taught us about living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.
I see you in every rainbow, pink sunset and silent snowfall. You are the beauty I used to rushed passed.
My mind will always drift to what life would be like with you here and reach for someone to squeeze when I do.
And I will never stop missing you, warmed by your spirit as much as I am hollowed.
But I promise, with every bit of my broken heart you are holding together, that we will honor your life by living every breath of each day.
As much as our hearts hurt, we will remember the moment you left us for the gifts you gave, not the hole that was left behind.
And we will soak it up baby girl, because we only get to do this once.
For two days or 100 years, life is a gift.
I will live it forever grateful I was chosen to carry the treasure that is you.
Love in this life and beyond,
Your Mommy
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Jessica, beautiful as always. I have read quite a few of your posts, but am discovering some out of order thanks to Pinterest!
Having just marked the first of my daughter’s birthdays without her (her 7th, I was lucky to have 6 with her), this was especially poignant for me.
Such a wonderful letter. Beautiful.
I am moved beyond words.
That is SO sweet and so BEAUTIFUL! It never ceases to amaze me the beauty that God, because He is God, can bring from such ugliness, darkness, sadness, etc.
I hope you had a wonderful SITS day…. I know I am late visiting and commenting but when I saw this post I knew I wanted to read it.
Wow…that was so touching and heartfelt. It made me realize how much of my children’s lives I take for granted and that I should stop and enjoy them so much more. I am so sorry for your loss. Hadley sounds like she was beautiful inside and out:-)
Love this entry Jess…this is so heartfelt and raw…and real. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! =)
Your letter was so touching! It brought tears of sadness and joy at the same time to my eyes. Sadness for the loss of your child but joy at the gift she gave you. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank-you for sharing such a profound and private, hopeful and prayerful moment with us all. This is so inspiring. You’ve allowed Hadley to give us all something special.
I am celebrating my son’s birthday today. Your post helps me remember that it only takes one minute of love between mother and child to forever change you. This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter and the change she stirred in you!
Such a powerful, powerful post uring us to live, not exist. I am going to bookmark this page so I can remind myself often the importance of “living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.” Thank y ou for sharing your heart.
So beautiful and touching. I lost my brother very young so I understand to a degree though I know there is nothing quite like how the parents feel. Life is a gift and we need to remember that everyday! <3
Just beautiful! I am at a loss to say more…
That was beautiful and now I am crying and trying to type through tears. Very sorry for your loss. God bless.
wow…Loss for words…That was sooo touching and beautifully said…
Love the life lessons you have learned and the beauty with which you express them. But it was hard to read, especially since I have a Hadley too.
What a touching tribute. Beautiful.
Such a beautiful tribute. “You are the beauty I used to rush passed.” – so beautiful. How often we rush past the beauty in life. Thank you for reminding us to enjoy it.
I love you and I am so sorry that you have to experience this kind of pain.
I truly believe this line though and I know you do too: “How in falling apart, we were bound together stronger.”
I’m wishing you all kinds of strong every day, my friend.
This is so beautiful. I love the way you’ve chosen to look at your loss; you’re an inspiration to appreciate life the way you do. Thank you for reminding us all that life is truly a gift.
Hugs to you and your family.
So beautiful, Jess. Love this. Love you.
I have no words, only love.
What a gorgeous tribute. I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been, must still be for you.
I find myself quite without words.
This is an incredibly beautiful piece.
Thank you so much Angie.
Such a lucky little girl to have such an amazing family. xoxxoxoxo
Thank you so much Natalie. It means so much that you read this piece, I love to be able to share her memory this week.
Jessica,
I barely have the words but I just want to say thank you for sharing your little angel with us.
“You taught us about living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.” What a wonderful lesson and gift. Life is precious.
Sending you a HUGE hug.
Thank you so much Melanie.
–Heartbreaking & Beautiful at the same time.
Sending you hugs from Minnesota…. XxO
I have a lump in my throat.
So beautifully written, so full of love and inspiration. Such a statement of strength and character. Hugs to you and the rest of your beautiful family. So many lines that grip my heart. Thank you for sharing these words, these feelings and emotions. You never know just how much they help those that read them.
Okay that post and then the picture… yea definitely need a Kleenex. So beautiful and so wonderful that you have found the good and the joy in life through something beyond imaginably hard. You will be able to see your baby again someday. I know it.
Oh Jessica, I know that she heard every single word and she was watching down on you with so much love. You are such an amazing person.
Jessica,
Your speak such words of love that
my heart just aches for you.
Absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. I love your line, so true, “for 2 days or 100 years, life is a gift.” Thank you for the reminder.
I think that is the most hopeful, lovely, worthwhile thing I’ve ever read.
Goosebumps. Really? You are such an amazing writer with talents I dream of so this? From you? More than I could have hoped for. Thank you Julie, truly.
I love this so much Jess. Truly touched me. Typing with tears in my eyes. I absolutely love that last photo. Gorgeous.
Thanks Sarah, we ordered lanterns, lit them and sent them up to her. They were beautiful and we could see them glow for miles.
To live each day is a gift,
To live each day twice as you do,
for the one that is here and the one you imagine …
bittersweet.
The love you will share when she is back in your arms, for now shared in the little moments that make up each day.
Much love to you xxx
I always hope that it is enough Nicole, that I am doing enough for all of my kids but days like this make me feel like we are doing it right. It was perfect.
I’m balling at my desk (hopefully my boss doesn’t walk by!).
This is so beautiful Jessica.
Hope your tears dried before your boss came, thank you for sharing her memory with me.
This was so beautiful! I am so sorry that Hadley isn’t physically here with you anymore. She was so blessed to have you as her mommy and you were so blessed to have been her mommy. Loved this.
God bless you Jessica. I know the hole in your heart that is so hard to heal.You are so greatful for the good things, but I know how hard somme days are. I hope somedy I can carry this burden a little lighter. I pray for you and your family along with my beautiful grandchildren who lost their mother, my daughter this same week last year. My daughter adored children, perhas she is up ther holding Hadley till you get there.
Oh Nancy I truly appreciate this comment and the fact that you took the time to read my letter. I can only imagine how hard this week is for you. I mourn for all of what should have been and you are mourning for all that has been and should continue to be. That first year is so unbelievably difficult, I hope you are making it through okay and that you have been able to find moments of peace. The thought of your daughter taking care of mine is so comforting. I hope they are together. Thinking of you during these tough days.
There are no words to describe how deeply touched I am by reading this.
Just beautiful.
Thank you so much Kimberly. Your writing is always so touching so this comment means so much.
A thousand hugs, my friend. A thousand hugs.
Bless you, your family, and most importantly Hadley. I can only imagine the smiles she shined upon you yesterday… and every day for that matter.
We felt it too, it was such a perfect day and I know it was because she was smiling down on us.
Sniff.
That was lovely, you.
This is just beautiful, and inspiring. Your loss and subsequent courage are beyond words to me. I thank you for sharing this with the world, so that we all can glean a sense of hope from your journey and your positive outlook.
You write the most perfect words, it’s like you’re taking them from my heart… Hugs to you, from another mother missing her beautiful baby girl. Xoxo…
I\’m so sorry you are missing your little girl to, I hope you found some comfort in knowing we are on the same path.
What an amazing letter to your sweet Hadley. I’m sure she is just as proud to be your daughter as you are to be her mom. I’m sending you pink sunsets, rainbows, and silent snows…(ok, not really snow yet, but you get the idea).
Hugs XO!!
I will wait for that snow for a month or two, thank you Jen.
I am awed by your love and spirit. I grabbed my laptop and ran to read this to my husband…an we both send our love.
Aww, thank you so much Ann.
Sending you hugs and prayers.
A great gift you have been given from an unfortunate tragedy. Hugs to you for your strength each day.
Shed quite a few tears reading this post. So honest, so heartfelt, so real. What a beautiful gift you were given in the ability to appreciate and love wholeheartedly in remembrance of your baby girl. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
We need to remember to put the phone away, close the computer and focus on the present. This was a beautiful reminder of how short life is and it can be taken for granted so easily.
My heart goes out to you and your amazing family. Sending love. xo
You have a beautiful attitude. And I have tears.
beautiful, heart-tugging post, as always. sending love and hugs your way. xo
You’re amazing, Your family is amazing. I hope you know that. I get such strength from you and such a reminder to put down the phone, the laundry, the work or let the little things go and just enjoy my life. I’m sorry that you had to make the sacrifice that you did. So, so sorry. But I am simply amazed by your spirit.
This is the best compliment that I could receive. Thank you Krista and yes, my house is a mess today but it was well worth it.
I love you, and her. A beautiful tribute.
You always manage to put into words how someone’s heart feels.
Oh Jessica, this is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. “…living with our eyes open and dreaming of the next day as they close.”
Hugs Mama. Major hugs. I’m going to hug my babies extra today, thank you & Hadley for reminding me today.
What a wonderful and emotionally touching post. Makes me want to hug my kids even more. You too, for writing such a beautiful post.
Jessica, this is lovely. What a wonderful tribute to your daughter. I love how you describe yourself as “warmed by your spirit as much as I am hollowed.” Haunting.
Such a short time on this Earth yet such a beautiful legacy. She has touched so many people, as have you. Thinking of you and and sending love.
beautiful. thank you
{hugs}
So, so many hugs being sent your way.
I can only imagine your little girl smiling down at you right now. Such a beautiful letter.
dear woman, you are incredible. many blessings to you and your entire family.
A lovely and touching tribute. I so agree with you that whether two days or 100 years all lives are special. Her memory is cherished so much by you and my thoughts go out to you, her, and the rest of your family.
Love this post. Thinking of you and your precious Hadley!
I don’t really have anything to add…just want you to know that I’m thinking of you.
xoxoxo
I can’t even imagine what this feels like.
I am so very sorry.
I am so glad I found your writing. You have helped me remember perspective and joy in the every day of life with children. I am so sorry for your pain but so admire your ability to share your lessons and your love. Be well friend.
So, so, so true. Nothing is more important than family. That’s what we’re here for. Thinking of you, and thanks for showing us how grief can be turned into joy. *hugs*
Beautifully written. Very touching. 🙂
I hope you know how much I am thinking of you, holding you in my heart, praying and sending you all the LOVE I can right now.
This letter to your daugther puts so many things into perspective for everyone who reads it.
Much love, much comfort, much peace xoxxo to you.
Simply beautiful.
((((Hugs)))) to you Jessica
xoxo
You are such a beautiful person. To be able to take such a difficult event and be able to turn it into something positive is amazing.
Thank you for this post. I love the voice you use to speak to your daughter – part Mom, part friend, all genuine.
Hugs to you.
What a beautiful tribute to Hadley. I wish she was hear for you to hold, but she always live on through your words and your love.
Jessica, this is so beautiful and breaking and all (all) heart.
I’m sending you all that I have.
So much love to you.
XO
Thank you so much for sharing her with us and reminding us all how very precious and fleeting life can be. Your grace and love and perspective are a beautiful tribute to Hadley.
<3
I knew better than to read this at work, but I clicked through anyway. Such a beautiful post. Hugs to you and your family.
So sorry for the tears at work.
This is just so beautiful. Sending you love and prayers and ((hugs))
Truly beautiful
All 5 of your beautiful babies are so lucky to have you, mama, as are we all. This is unspeakably beautiful.
Living your life to the fullest is such a precious gift she provided. It is clear that she is always with you, if not in your arms. This is beautiful my friend.
I always see little signs of her presence now, so comforting to know she is with us.
This is beautiful, Jessica. It’s amazing the gift you were given through Hadley. She may have only graced this world physically for a short while, but it’s so obvious that her spirit continues to live through you and your family.
Absolutely, her short life left us with so much.
this was an unspeakably beautiful tribute, amazing writing from the deepest part of your heart. love to you.
Life is something that we often take for granted. I wish that everyone could slow down and enjoy all the little things as you and your family have.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
So do I Jackie. I wish that it did not take such a loss for us to learn this lesson but I\’m glad that we have changed our ways.
Love you dear friend. Life is such a gift. What a lesson. Wrapping you in hugs. You are so strong. xoxo
All I can muster for a comment right now, is to echo what you said.
Hugs, Jessica.
Thanks so much to both of you, for sharing in remembering Hadley with me.