By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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As Long As You Will Let Me

By Jessica

I have noticed a few things lately,

How your hand doesn’t stretch quite as high to meet mine.

That you don’t have to try as hard to keep pace with me as we walk.

You pick up a book and pretend to read on your own and it isn’t even upside down.

You wander a little farther, climb a little higher and pour your own milk without a puddle on the floor.

And I want you to know I am proud of you.

As much as I would like time to slow down, I am filled with pride at the little people you are becoming,

how you navigate the world, with and without me.

But I also want you to know that you can sit on my lap, ask for one more story, share my pillow and let me tie your shoes tighter.

I will cover you with kisses,

warm you with hugs

and always be here to listen,

no matter how big or small you are.

As you turn four this weekend, I will be the same mom to you I was when you were born, maybe even a tiny bit better. The intense love I had for you from the moment our eyes met will be the same whether you are 10, or 20, or 45.

I will hold your hand and kiss your cheek and tuck you into bed with whispers of tomorrow.

As long as you will let me.

holding hands

Happy Birthday McKenna, Parker and Hadley

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53 Comments Filed Under: Love, Musings of Motherhood


Comments

  1. Charlotte says

    October 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Happy birthday to your adorable little ones. This photo must make your heart sing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  2. julie gardner says

    October 11, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Smiles and tears.
    Loss and love.

    Joy and letting go.
    (While still holding on tightly.)

    Oh, motherhood.

    Reply
  3. Jamie says

    October 10, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Such a double-edged sword… wanting them to grow up but still stay young enough to need us! A constant give and take! Happy Birthday to them and my thoughts are with you!

    Reply
  4. Tonya says

    October 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    Thinking of you today and this week and sending a little more love and peace your way than usual. xoxo

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 11, 2011 at 7:03 am

      Thanks Tonya, thinking of you too and hoping you can find moments of peace. Here when you need me.

      Reply
  5. Elaine says

    October 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    I hope your babies had a beautiful birthday. So precious.

    Reply
  6. Kristin @ What She Said says

    October 10, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    I hope you had a wonderful weekend with your wee ones celebrating their birthdays. This post made me ache a little (in a good way) because I can already see some of the same changes occurring in Lil’ Bit. I love it – love watching her grow and emerge as her own person – but God, how I wish I could somehow slow it down.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 11, 2011 at 7:04 am

      I know exactly what you mean. It is bittersweet to watch them grow up.

      Reply
  7. Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says

    October 10, 2011 at 9:37 am

    I hope you had a wonderful birthday with your babies!

    That picture is adorable!

    Reply
  8. Erica says

    October 9, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Beautiful! Happy birthday to your babies! The pic is precious!

    Reply
  9. Hopes@Staying Afloat! says

    October 9, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    You? You always know how to make me well up with tears! Happy Happy Birthday to your sweet, adorable, precious babies!!

    And just as important…Happy Motherhood day to you!

    Reply
  10. Leighann says

    October 9, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Happy birthday to all three of your babes!! Xoxo

    Reply
  11. Amy says

    October 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    A beautiful and heartfelt tribute for a beautiful and heartfelt day. I know how bitter-sweet this day is for you and I wish you a world of peace and joy today. Hugs to you <3

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 9, 2011 at 8:04 pm

      Thanks so much Amy, so good to hear from you. Hope you are doing well.

      Reply
  12. Mrs. Weber says

    October 9, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Beautiful post. I just love the title and your gorgeous words. Happy b-day little ones!

    Reply
  13. Shell says

    October 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Thinking of you today. Sending you lots of love and prayers. xo

    Reply
  14. Anastasia says

    October 9, 2011 at 2:53 am

    Thanks for the reminder to be proud of them not just lament how big they are getting.

    Reply
  15. Alexandra says

    October 9, 2011 at 1:06 am

    Oh, my heart.
    Happy, happy birthday, beautiful angels…

    xo

    Reply
  16. Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) says

    October 8, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    How sweet! They grow up so fast…

    Thanks for your comment…not sure what RDI is.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 9, 2011 at 8:05 pm

      RDI is Relationship Development Intervention. There should be lots of information online if you google it.

      Reply
  17. gayatri.life.unordinary says

    October 8, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    Happy Birthday to your lovely children!

    Reply
  18. Rach (DonutsMama) says

    October 8, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Happy Birthday to your precious children! Sending you lots of love today. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  19. Nichole says

    October 8, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Happy birthday to McKenna, Parker, and Hadley.
    Such lovely words and what a gorgeous photo.
    Much love to you, my friend. xo

    Reply
  20. Jen says

    October 8, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    What a beautiful picture and a beautiful post Jessica!
    Happy birthday to the kids….

    Reply
  21. Melanie says

    October 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Beautiful words, beautiful photo. Happy Birthday to your sweet babes and that precious angel of yours. Our babies do grow fast, don’t they?

    Reply
  22. Lady Jennie says

    October 8, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Happy birthday to your darling children.

    Reply
  23. Dara Dokas says

    October 8, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Beautiful picture. I wish a happy birthday to your three babies – McKenna, Parker and Hadley. I’m pretty new to visiting you here at fourplusanangel, but I want you to know that my wishes are very sincere. Take care.

    (P.S. Is that photo taken in Sarasota?)

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 9, 2011 at 8:06 pm

      Thank you Dara. That photo was actually taken in Pentwater, MI on Lake Michigan.

      Reply
      • Dara Dokas says

        October 9, 2011 at 9:23 pm

        Ah, that makes sense. I lived in Grand Rapids, MI from junior high through college. I love Lake Superior (I live in MN) but I miss the awesome sand of Lake Michigan.

        Reply
  24. Klz says

    October 8, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Happy birthday indeed

    Reply
  25. Kimberly says

    October 8, 2011 at 1:47 am

    How beautifully sweet. Happy Birthday McKenna, Parker, and Hadley. And much love to you this weekend too, Jessica!

    Reply
  26. Ann says

    October 8, 2011 at 1:37 am

    …thinking of you and knowing what this day means.

    Reply
  27. Practical Parenting says

    October 7, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    I will be thinking of you all weekend. Four: Such a great age, and yet it seems so old. They still need those hugs and kisses though…that much I know.

    Reply
  28. Nana says

    October 7, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    As long as you will let…me, love you.
    Mom

    Reply
  29. wendy says

    October 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    so darling. have a wonderful weekend with the family!

    Reply
  30. Jill @ Mommy Inconsistent says

    October 7, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Very touching and well said! Wishing them the happiest of birthdays.

    Reply
  31. Sarah says

    October 7, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Awww. This is so sweet. Happy birthday Mckenna, Parker and Hadley. So beautiful.

    Reply
  32. Stephanie says

    October 7, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy birthday to McKenna, Parker and Hadley.

    Reply
  33. Franchesca says

    October 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    What a precious post!!!!! Thinking of you Jessica xoxox

    Reply
  34. Tayarra says

    October 7, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    So well put! Happy Birthday to those precious kiddos.

    Reply
  35. Nini says

    October 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Very touching post.

    Reply
  36. Jocelyn says

    October 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Love this!! What a beautiful picture of McKenna and Parker, and Hadley shining down on them through the sunshine.

    Reply
  37. momof12 says

    October 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Love this post. What a beautiful tribute. Happy birthday.
    Sandy

    Reply
  38. Shell says

    October 7, 2011 at 11:24 am

    They are beautiful.

    And I hope they keep reaching for your hand forever. xo

    Reply
  39. Jackie says

    October 7, 2011 at 11:16 am

    That is a beautiful picture!

    They grow so quickly don’t they? One day they’re little babies in our arms and the next they’re off to school.

    Hope they have a great birthday!

    Reply
  40. Galit Breen says

    October 7, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Oh, you. Happy birthday to your loves.

    I have chills from your beautiful words- as always.

    XO

    Reply
  41. Megan (Best of Fates) says

    October 7, 2011 at 10:20 am

    How touching and beautiful. Hope the birthday was celebrated in a fabulous fashion.

    Reply
  42. Barbara says

    October 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Happy birthday! I know this birthday is hard, I’ll be thinking of you this weekend!

    Reply
  43. angela says

    October 7, 2011 at 9:01 am

    This is so lovely and something I wish for my little ones as well. I’ll be thinking about you and sending hugs this weekend. Happy Birthday McKenna, Hadley, & Parker!

    (And Parker’s little tongue sticking out? I die.)

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 7, 2011 at 9:19 am

      Thank you. He is always doing that now, his signature face.

      Reply
  44. Stephanie Desjarlais says

    October 7, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Just beautiful!

    Reply
  45. tracy says

    October 7, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Four. How is it possible. Four is my favorite age. Sending you extra love this weekend dear friend. xo

    Reply
  46. Frelle says

    October 7, 2011 at 7:21 am

    how beautiful. you captured it so well, what I feel for my nearly 4 year old. Such a beautiful tribute of pride and cherishing. Sending you peace in your heart today as the celebration is mixed with some longing. Love to you.

    Reply

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