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By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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As Long As You Will Let Me

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I have noticed a few things lately,

How your hand doesn’t stretch quite as high to meet mine.

That you don’t have to try as hard to keep pace with me as we walk.

You pick up a book and pretend to read on your own and it isn’t even upside down.

You wander a little farther, climb a little higher and pour your own milk without a puddle on the floor.

And I want you to know I am proud of you.

As much as I would like time to slow down, I am filled with pride at the little people you are becoming,

how you navigate the world, with and without me.

But I also want you to know that you can sit on my lap, ask for one more story, share my pillow and let me tie your shoes tighter.

I will cover you with kisses,

warm you with hugs

and always be here to listen,

no matter how big or small you are.

As you turn four this weekend, I will be the same mom to you I was when you were born, maybe even a tiny bit better. The intense love I had for you from the moment our eyes met will be the same whether you are 10, or 20, or 45.

I will hold your hand and kiss your cheek and tuck you into bed with whispers of tomorrow.

As long as you will let me.

holding hands

Happy Birthday McKenna, Parker and Hadley

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  3. Jamie says

    Such a double-edged sword… wanting them to grow up but still stay young enough to need us! A constant give and take! Happy Birthday to them and my thoughts are with you!

    • Jessica says

      Thanks Tonya, thinking of you too and hoping you can find moments of peace. Here when you need me.

  6. Kristin @ What She Said says

    I hope you had a wonderful weekend with your wee ones celebrating their birthdays. This post made me ache a little (in a good way) because I can already see some of the same changes occurring in Lil’ Bit. I love it – love watching her grow and emerge as her own person – but God, how I wish I could somehow slow it down.

  7. Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation says

    I hope you had a wonderful birthday with your babies!

    That picture is adorable!

  11. Amy says

    A beautiful and heartfelt tribute for a beautiful and heartfelt day. I know how bitter-sweet this day is for you and I wish you a world of peace and joy today. Hugs to you <3

    • Jessica says

      RDI is Relationship Development Intervention. There should be lots of information online if you google it.

  19. Nichole says

    Happy birthday to McKenna, Parker, and Hadley.
    Such lovely words and what a gorgeous photo.
    Much love to you, my friend. xo

  21. Melanie says

    Beautiful words, beautiful photo. Happy Birthday to your sweet babes and that precious angel of yours. Our babies do grow fast, don’t they?

  23. Dara Dokas says

    Beautiful picture. I wish a happy birthday to your three babies – McKenna, Parker and Hadley. I’m pretty new to visiting you here at fourplusanangel, but I want you to know that my wishes are very sincere. Take care.

    (P.S. Is that photo taken in Sarasota?)

      • Dara Dokas says

        Ah, that makes sense. I lived in Grand Rapids, MI from junior high through college. I love Lake Superior (I live in MN) but I miss the awesome sand of Lake Michigan.

  25. Kimberly says

    How beautifully sweet. Happy Birthday McKenna, Parker, and Hadley. And much love to you this weekend too, Jessica!

  36. Jocelyn says

    Love this!! What a beautiful picture of McKenna and Parker, and Hadley shining down on them through the sunshine.

  39. Jackie says

    That is a beautiful picture!

    They grow so quickly don’t they? One day they’re little babies in our arms and the next they’re off to school.

    Hope they have a great birthday!

  41. Megan (Best of Fates) says

    How touching and beautiful. Hope the birthday was celebrated in a fabulous fashion.

  43. angela says

    This is so lovely and something I wish for my little ones as well. I’ll be thinking about you and sending hugs this weekend. Happy Birthday McKenna, Hadley, & Parker!

    (And Parker’s little tongue sticking out? I die.)

  45. tracy says

    Four. How is it possible. Four is my favorite age. Sending you extra love this weekend dear friend. xo

  46. Frelle says

    how beautiful. you captured it so well, what I feel for my nearly 4 year old. Such a beautiful tribute of pride and cherishing. Sending you peace in your heart today as the celebration is mixed with some longing. Love to you.