Since several of my frequent readers are completely out of kleenex, I decided I would attempt to lighten things up a bit around here.
The other day, as I was telling a Proud Mom story of how I bribe my children with cake pops, someone interrupted my shining moment by asking:
Do you know how many calories are in one of those?
And this began a long dialogue (in my head of course, the best conversations happen there) of first, promising myself I would avoid this woman for the rest of my cake pop-eating bribery days and second, thinking of all of the questions we ask but never really want the answers to.
Here are just a few that I talked to myself about:
-Should I exercise in the morning?
-What’s that smell?
-Who stinks?
-What are you guys doing up there?
-Why is it so quiet?
-Why is the chair/floor/bed/toilet seat wet?
-Did anyone just see that?
-What happened to my boobs?
-Does this make my butt look big?
-Should I buy this purse/sweater/pair of boots that cost more than preschool tuition?
And then there are those questions that, if you have to ask, the answer is most likely “no”:
-Did you brush your teeth today?
-Am I wearing deodorant?
-Honey, did you remember to get milk/bread/eggs/tampons/anything that would prevent me from dragging all of our children into a grocery store tomorrow?
-Can’t we all just take a nap/sit still/wait patiently as Mommy blogs?
And my personal favorite…
-Is ANYONE listening to me? Anyone? Anyone?
What questions do you ask but not want an answer to?
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Yeah…glad to know I’m not the only one talking to myself…did I shower? Have you seen my keys?
Constantly talking to myself, especially when there is no one over the age of 4 to speak with.
Anyone? Anyone? Man, I certainly don’t ask that one anymore because I hate the answer!
And I would continue to use the Cake Pop Bribery if it’s working for you. None of the calories will matter in the end unless you make a whole meal out of them.
Hmm, a cake pop meal, now you have me thinking… if I could just roll all of their food in frosting I\’m sure I could get them to eat all kinds of things.
This was really funny and yes, I’ve asked all of these and very seldome get a response.
Silence always scares me!!
I’m listening! And nodding my head. And giggling.
Yes. To all of them. But, especially the last one. I don’t think anyone listens to me. Ever. 🙂
Haha. I’m learning to not ask so much, afraid of what the answer may be!
Yes, the boobs!! What the hell happened to them?!?!?!
Also, I do NOT want the answer to how many calories are in a cakepop. EVER!!
“Is my potbelly getting bigger?” I ask myself this every morning while studying my naked profile in the mirror after stepping out of the shower. And then I take a deep breath, suck it in, and go about my day in denial.
“Am I wearing deoderant” made me laugh out loud. So true – if you have to ask, the answer is usually no. 😉
Cripes, did I shave? And can you see my leg hairs???
That’s what I get for being pasty white with black hair….
No one should ever ask how many calories are in cake pops. Or any other sweets!
It’s okay if you send me running for the kleenex, of course, and you’ve been in my thoughts this week. But I loved this post, too. So nice to hear that other moms are having the same internal dialogue as I am! I wonder why things are wet all the time… Just yesterday I had to pull out the rug in the playroom to let the wood floors dry after someone poured out an entire cup full of water. I guess it was time to clean under that rug anyway.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with the deodorant and teeth brushing questions, too. Also, I know nobody is listening to me around here!
Definitely the “why is it so quiet.” Maybe add “What’s that on your finger?” or “Why are your pants wet?”
AHH! I totally agree to all of these! Thank you for confirming I’m not the only one who thinks all this. Or has the best conversations in her head. And thank you, too, for not making us cry this time. 😉
Ugh I don’t know how many times a day I say “hello is anyone listening to me??” It would really be nice to only have to ask/say something once
There is no way that anyone in my house is currently listening to me. I can tell because…..well, you know. I don’t have to tell you.
All four of mine are currently 13 and I am still asking “What is that smell”!!!!
Yeah, I think you made an excellent decision avoiding the cake-pop-calorie police. After all, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do and sometimes that means bribery. For us, it’s Laffy Taffy.
I’m nodding my head in agreement, especially with “-Is ANYONE listening to me? Anyone? Anyone?” and “Am I wearing deodorant?”
I try not to ask “What are you ding in the bathroom?” I need to just open the door and stop whatever it is because I know it’s not typical bathroom behavior.
Love you, my funny friend.
And wait…you had boobs?
Why didn’t I have any? Like ever? 😉
Haha, I don’t even ask that question about the boobs anymore..
I ask a lot of why questions, that no one answers. Why are you hitting your sister? Why are you yelling at me? Those.
Is that water or milk? (about a sippy cup that rolled under the car seat/couch/a bag I used for the zoo last week)
Aren’t you TIRED yet?
Can you stop yelling/hitting your brother/climbing on Daddy’s desk while Mommy’s calling the doctor/insurance company/any place of business?
I could go on, sigh…
And Jessica, I think your regular readers love you and will clasp our kleenex to our hearts whenever you need it.
It is the smell question that I hate having to ask several times a day.
So funny – and yes you should treat yourself to all of those things that cost more than tuition!
I’ve also been asking myself what happened to my boobs! you are too funny!
I always say “ignorance is bliss!”
And seriously, our kids probably burn off the calories in a cake pop while they are plotting their next move against us! Personally, I use Ring Pops to keep them in the jogger long enough to get a decent run in. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. Happy mommy=happy kids/family!
One of my most used questions is definitely ‘why is it so quiet’ and it is usually followed right away by another one ‘Timan’, what are you doing?’. And his answer is always ‘I’m doin nuffin’. And ’nuffin’ can be anything, but it’s always something naughty. 😉
I always say “no one in this house listens to me” and John always teases me by answering “what????” . If I have to my kiddos any of those questions, I’m normally sure I don’t want to hear the answer either 😉 love u sweetie! Xo
So funny to think about this! How about “Was that dog-do I just stepped in?” 😉
Are you living in my head? Seriously.
My thoughts fire to this to that and the funny thing is, when I ask a question…I always answer it.
Don’t worry. I’m taking a new pill for that 😉
Oh let me know what it is and if it works, although I don\’t totally mind talking to myself.
Hahaha! A mom of a single child in my play group recently said she was slightly upset with herself because she’d resorted to “bribery” by rewarding her daughter with stickers for using the potty. There was a very long period of time recently where I bribed one of mine with cookies and hot dogs if she would sleep through the night. I am not ashamed. Besides, they’re preemies! They can eat a ton of calories. =)
Yum, a cookie and hot dog diet, what could be better ;)?
I’m listening….and while I may be short on kleenex, I read and cried along with a ton of others listening…..sharing lightens the load.
As for the question I ask, but don’t need an answer to is: How awesome are you?
It’s rhetorical – you’re super awesome!
You are so sweet Ann, thank you for being here and for listening.
I definitely do not want an answer to the “what’s that smell?” question!!
Also? Cake pops? Mmmm…
mmmm… cake pops. 🙂
My favorite “What is that brown stuff on your (insert body party or clothing piece here)???
Ewww, and when you have to pick up something brown, hoping it is not what you think it is.
Um, alllll of those and which one of you has poop in their pants?
Haha! Love it! One I always hate to ask – What are you doing? If you have to ask, the answer can’t be good.
Oh I know, over here that usually means someone has dumped something out somewhere.
Hahaha. What happened to my boobs!
I don’t ask “where did daddy go?”
Hehe… The last line just reminded me of Farris Bueller… 🙂
Oh, and who in their right mind even thinks of calories when discussing cake pops?!?
Someone out there does. I plugged my ears ;).
I adore you. That is all. XO