I catch him just in time.
Reaching down before we head in, I tuck his pacifier inside my purse.
That was a close one.
She greets us happily and we go through the current wave of germs plaguing our home.
New meds, run the humidifier, the basics of our never-ending visits.
Almost done, he hasn’t asked for it yet.
“Thanks so much Doctor, hopefully we won’t be back soon.” I say smiling.
And then she looks back at his chart…
Here is comes.
“How are you doing with getting rid of the pacifier?”
“Great!”
“Is he still using it at bedtime? Naps?”
“Only if he needs it.”
“Good job Mom. I would like to see it removed completely within the next month or so. Are you up for it?”
“Of course,” I reply in the most genuine, doctor pleasing tone I can muster.
As she leaves the room, I exhale. We survived.
I have done this parenting-a-toddler-thing four times now and have decided a few things:
- He will not still be using a pacifier in college.
- I like my nights with sleep and my car rides without shrieking.
- I’m pretty confident in my parenting choices and am not losing sleep over a pacifier addiction.
So why can’t I tell this to our pediatrician? Why does this sweet, well-meaning woman turn me into a ten year-old trying to hide a bad grade on my math test? What do I think is going to happen if she finds out I have not followed the How To Raise A Toddler With Straight Teeth handbook to the letter?
I drive away with our secret safely buckled in the backseat, alternating between two pacifiers like a starved man with a steak.
Or a mom who narrowly escaped being discovered by her pediatrician as human.
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My oldest two boys suck their thumbs-STILL at ages almost 10 and 8! The older one hides it but still!! My younger 3 boys were paci babies. They were 4 and 21/2 when we said goodbye and it was hard! I had my youngest at that time and he still had a paci (he was 2m old). I would find the 4 yr old huddled in a corner sucking the babies paci! My youngest died at 13 months old. Sudden and without warning (undiagnosed congenital heart defects) and he was still on the bottle, paci and slept a lot with me. I will NEVER regret any of it! So very glad I focused on more important things. Like love and spending time together as a family.
Seriously….the pacifier is nothing. Don’t worry and don’t let the doctor, friends, family pressure you. Mommy’s sanity counts for a whole lot more than a child with a pacifier. I’m 62 and it was an issue in my day too. Hogwash! I remember a friend of mine used to mess with the whole ” Oh i don’t believe in pacifiers” thing and was vocal about it too… until I found a cartoon with two mothers chatting while walking with their toddlers…One mother has a child with a pacifier in its mouth and the other with a child that has their finger up their nose while she is saying, ” Oh we never use a pacifier. We don’t believe they are good for children”. My friend never mentioned it again. Stick to your guns ladies. Too many things are proven mistaken over time. Trust yourself.
Yes… and yes… my son had a paci and I tossed it when he was about 19 months or so… my daughter is/was a thumb sucker. She’s 7 now and has some orthodontia going on already… and occasionally I will discover she is sucking her thumb at night… pacifiers are better… you can take them away.
It’s fine. They grow up so fast, why take away the comfort they have? (says the mom with a 7 year old who still has a blankie…) 😉
Aaaah, we were laaaaaaate binky giver-upers. Which was not popular with the doctor or dentist. I always listen to a professional’s opinion (after all, I am paying them for their expertise) but then I weigh it against what I know about my own children that the doctor who is giving the advice doesn’t know. And with most things that I’m going to ask them to give up, I waited until they showed me that they were ready. Their life, their terms when it’s low stakes.
I was a paci enabler for a pretty long time – it was my husband who made the choice to call it quits. And *I* cried my heart out – possibly worse than my daughter. It was hard for her, but maybe harder for me.
BAHAHAHA I hide the paci from Klaw’s pediatrician, too!!!! He isn’t attached to anything but pacis & iPhones. No blankie, no favorite stuffed toy, no other lovies whatsoever. I’m letting him keep the paci…and cosleep…and drink from a bottle…
How funny. With our first we had an elegant, filmed tétine (pacifier)-cutting ceremony at 3 years. My youngest will be 3 in a week and I don’t see it happening any time soon.
Wow, a pacifier cutting ceremony? I\’m not sure my youngest will be having one of those either.
Er, took, that is. (Sick boy, typing one-handed.)
Mine never too one, but I gotta tell you – if he had, I’d have let him keep it as long as he wanted.
I had one who didn\’t take one and I wish she had. Makes sleep much easier.
Hi Jessica! This is priceless! When I go with my daughter and grandsons to the Dr., we ALWAYS stash paci! I happen to believe paci is mom’s Best friend (and grandma’s)! Thomas Train is another great helper!
Carol
I always believe in doing what is right for your family because everyone is different. My oldest used to wake up every night and sleep in our bed, I embraced it and now he sleeps in his bed by himself fine. He does sneak in some nights but I love the cuddle time 🙂
When my doctor says, “eating fruits and veggies ok?” I always say, “yep.” I leave out the “pretty much only fruit, unless I threaten them about the veggies.” Yep – we all do this with the peds, I think.
My doctor always asks us how potty training is going, from about 15 months on. I used to say we were working on it…I don’t even say that anymore. But, I may not tell the whole truth either. 🙂
I never fessed up to things in the doctor’s office. My kids went to bed with a bottle everynight for the longest time. I could explain to my kids early on, before seeing the doctor, if he asks, just tell him no. Usually the doctor didn’t ask them. I would hear my sister inlaw complain about her trials and tribulations to prematurely ween her kids from their binkys and I was always like, “why?” That doctor doesn’t have to live with our kids on a daily basis, why are they telling us to get rid something that helps us (and our kids) get through a difficult time?!
I did make the mistake of sending one of the kids to the doctor with dh and he was the one who fessed up. And of course, he came home regurgitating what the doctor had told him because, after all the doctor was the expert. Yeah well, that went in my one ear and out the other…
I can’t remember how long they took their bottles to bed at night, but I can tell you this, one is 19 and the other is 16 and they gave their bottles up way before graduating elementary school so yeah, if it helps to keep the sanity. I say do it!
I think you said it best when you said that he wouldn’t be going to college with it. There are a lot of things that I do that I’m sure the doctors wouldn’t approve of. But in the end, I’m the mom. And I’m not doing anything that I think will really hurt my son in the long run.
But look at those adorable pictures! I understand… he’s your baby! And it’s only natural you’d want those few moments of peace in the car. And surely you aren’t the only momma with binky-sucking children this pediatrician has seen!
I loved this! After four you definitely have this down, and he’ll be fine. Trusting your instincts is another part of being a good mother, even when you can’t come clean with your pediatrician!
Yes! Not the pacifier. With us, it’s about picky eating. Our main pediatrician wants me to take a hard line. But you know what? That makes it a power struggle. And have you tried to win a power struggle with a 2 year old? Not worth it. I’ll fight the fight when he’s older, when I can reason with him. Like the other docs in the practice recommend….
I don’t tend to worry too much over what my pediatrician thinks. I know my strengths and weaknesses as a parent, and I make my choices following a combination of intuition and my own (extensive, usually, as I have a background in Psychology) research on a parenting issue. If it is a big health issue, that’s one thing, but my pediatrician isn’t coming home with me to feed, put my child to bed, discipline, and raise my child. So many of them fail to think (or are afraid to share other perspectives)independently from the American Academy of Pediatrics, as if every child fits into the same mold or stage of development. I see a lot of parents treating the pediatrician as if they were parenting Gods, when many doctors are wrestling with their own kids’ issues as well. Good for you for keeping a big picture perspective in mind:)
Oh this is so right on. School principals do it for me, too. We hid the fact that we were totally doing the sleep training wrong. We knew it was wrong. We didn’t especially like sleeping on the floor next to the crib/bed for an hour or so until he fell asleep. But we did enjoy the rest of the night with no screaming. You do what you need to do to survive! And until Doc is spending the night in your house and dealing with it then whatev. =)
School principals used to scare me until I married one :).
I rarely listen to what the doctor has to say unless my child is sick.
We got rid of the paci way too easily…but I totally laughed at your story. The pictures to go with it are perfect! lol
Jessica I wish your website was around when my kids were little. What a great group of supportive moms you all are. God bless you all.
Aren\’t they great? I love all of the amazing friends I have found through blogging.
Such a handsome paci loving chap! 😉 I can’t say I “hide” it per se. My son is 2 and not on speech level according to books and Pedi and other kids. With the twins, I freaked about everything, got then in speech when they weren’t “on time” and with this one, I just let him do his thing. I know he is ok and we will get him help if needed. I’m not as freaked out as I used to be. Opinions sometimes get to me but I choose to follow MY Mama gut. The one that tells me about MY kids. Do what you need to Jessica, he’s your kiddo, your choices. I’m with you. I prefer my sleep etc. Don’t most kids need braces anyway? 😉
My son used his soo soo up until he was almost 3…and I will shamefully admit…he still has a bottle at night. I can’t crack it. No matter how much we try, his tantrums are so much stronger.
I know he’s too old for it. Sigh. I hear ya momma
Lil’ Bit shunned her paci at around 2 months old, but she’s a thumb-sucker. Only when she’s sleepy or is holding Lambie, though. I know my pedi isn’t a fan of thumb-sucking and I do plan to talk to him about it at her 2-year well-visit, but overall I’m not too worried about it.
Yes!!!! Jacob is completely addicted to his Nuk, it’s like his crack….seriously. he never uses it at school but once we are outside , he wants it ..for the car ride, it’s like the blanket with satin around the edge , it made me feel better just to have it near me.
I feel very little guilt about it anymore. I don’t like when I can’t understand what he is saying with the nuk in his mouuth but other than that I don’t mind it at all…he won’t have it in a few years and he’s my baby…so…I let him have it. Xoxo
Oh the paci…… This post made me chuckle. We have a goal to break our son of the paci soon, but we’ll see how that goes LOL. I’ve been getting side glances, awkward stares and disapproving eyes more recently on this. It’s actually kind of annoying. I don’t really hide it too much, but if we wait much longer I might have to! I don’t know even really know when is the recommended time to break the paci, but like you said… I like my sleep! And I’m 100% sure, like you that he won’t be using it in college 😉
Please…Liam really only does use it for naps and nights, but I can’t bear to take it from him. He looks kinds cute with it, anyway. And chances are, he’ll need braces with or without it!
I can only give you my opinion regarding the relationship between myself and my physician….my kid are all grown and living with their own children!
I am brutally honest with my doctor – even when it’s to my detriment. However, I also don’t forget that I am a VERY well paying customer and my doctor is in business….I’ve been with her for 11 years and she knows me well and – fortunately – has my best interest and health in mind.
It’s evolved into a good relationship and I trust her – literally – with my life.
This cracked me up. I could totally see you, sweating bullets..
I thank my lucky stars my kids never took pacifiers (and not for lack of me trying, let me tell you). But I have disregarded advice from my pediatrician and have sought second opinions when I haven’t liked his answers. Mama always knows best!
LOL – oh this is so true for us moms. My biggest issue is being so behind in actually taking them to the doctor.
I used to take them religiously and now, we only go if we HAVE to.
Oh my goodness…this cracked me up. My oldest had a pacifier until he was almost 4. We have so many pictures of him with his pacifier in…playing baseball, sitting in the kiddie pool…the list is endless. I say, who cares?
You are his Mommy and you have mothered 3 others, you go with your Mommy gut and do what’s best. Don’t feel bad about it. I don’t tell my doctor that my girls like to randomly scream SHIT at the top of their lungs on occasion…( I may be hiding a case of tourettes but Im pretty sure its just an overtired little sailor who picked up a bad habit from Daddy:) In the end, they are our kids.
I don’t blame you!
Ryan’s oncologist is freaking out because he doesn’t talk enough. But neither does his twin, and my 12 yr old didn’t talk until 3. Plus these two have 5 older siblings to talk for them…
I’m not concerned at all, but she’s wanting us to do all this therapy and evaluation.
We just smile and nod and hope they are talking more in 3 months when Ryan sees her again…
I know how you feel. Our last appointment we were hiding the sippy cup. Yes he’s nearly 4 (January) and sure he can drink from a regular one, but he spills it. And he likes having his milk on the couch when he gets up and I don’t like couch smelling like sour milk. Oh, and at the dentist. The fruit snacks. They are horribly bad for your teeth and I promised him I’d break him of his 2 packs a day habit, but I can’t. He LOVES them. And at least they aren’t cookies!
We took Jake’s paci away at 18 months, and you know what? He started putting every other thing on the planet in his mouth. I think I have a picture of him at 2 years old with half of a polly pocket doll sticking out of his mouth – yes, the legs. Makes for an… interesting photo.
Do what you have to, mama. (And lie through your teeth if it keeps the heat off ya.)
When my oldest was born I would have given ANYTHING in the world for him to take a pacifier. ANYTHING. I was the pacifier. Eventually he latched (so to speak) on to a blankie and it SAVED MY SANITY. It’s in his bed right now. He’s nine. It doesn’t leave his room (except to be washed) and he knows where it is when he needs it. And sometimes he needs it. And that’s okay. And so is your son’s pacifier. Keep going with your instinct!
Seriously – who gives a rip if your pediatrician doesn’t like the pacifier?!? What would she do if he were sucking his thumb? It’s not like you can take his thumb away.
I definitely belong in the “when he’s ready” camp.
I’d be right up front with your pediatrician and let her know your take on the situation. She may not agree, but she can’t put in your jail or take away your child because you let him have a pacifier.
My son still uses his too and I hide it, not just from the pediatrician, but also from family. I don’t know why, but I do. He’s my child and I think I know him well enough to say that he isn’t ready to lose it yet.
“…like a starved man with a steak.”
Giggle.
When the time is right to take it away, you’ll know.
And when that time comes, you might find it easy if you poke a hole in it. Make it tiny at first and then over time, bigger and bigger. Katie slept with hers for a long time after we cut the entire rubber part off. She hugged the plastic part every night for months.
This one made me LOL. On the paci thing, my daughter is 4.5 (I cringe saying it) and STILL takes it at night. We tried so damn hard to get rid of it, but after 8 full weeks of night terrors because of it, even our pediatrician agreed to just let her have it. And you are right, it won’t be there in college – I hope. But in general, the dr. thing is so true. I will let her sweat the big stuff, I’ll sweat the small stuff 😉
My oldest used hers at night for WAY too long and it was just the way life was. But yes, I hid that from the pediatrician too.
I’ve been lectured about Donut’s thumb sucking since she was 4 months old. But, like you, I like my sleep and it’s how she soothes herself in her crib. She’ll drop it when she’s ready.
I seriously love you. I just laughed at how each of those photos with prominent pacifier use followed each section. Too cute!
I figure if it doesn’t bother you and it preserves a little sanity, you’re in good shape! Eventually it will be over, but at least it’s peaceful over there in the meantime!
He’s yours, not hers. Bottom line! You get to make the call. Regardless of potential teeth harming – he’ll likely need braces anyway so who really cares!
I love the way you revealed your little secret to us. Very clever.
For a year, my pediatrician was trying to get me to ween Lucas off the bottle. Lucas was drinking from a bottle until the week after his 2nd birthday. I’m not proud of it, but he just wasn’t ready. I know my son!
Good luck. It’ll happen. When he’s good and ready! 🙂
It’s totally refreshing to hear another parent do it too! Sometimes I just tell them what they want to hear I guess, because I don’t want to listen to a lecture.
I think with your first child, you tend to listen to everyone more…but going on our third I have realized it’s my babies and I will raise them as I please.
If taking a paci away is wrong, I don’t want to be right!
barring any major major developmental issues they wont take them to college. We have a special needs child so the rules seem bit different here. most days I balance the attachment world with the need for me. That said I am pretty blunt so I often just deal with it. I doubt however that my girl will wear her amber necklace to the dr. not because I am ashamed, but i just dont want the argument. sounds like you are doing just fine
My first parenting/baby book went on and on about breast feeding. I tried it but neither Johnny or I found it useful. So, out went the baby book!
Your Friend, m.
Seriously made me laugh out loud. You are the best.
In my humble (non-doctory) opinion:
They grow up too quickly as it is without us artificially removing some of the comforts of baby/toddler/childhood from them.
My daughter didn’t use a pacifier but she (for some reason, who knows why kids get attached to certain objects or behaviors?) loved to drink warmed up orange juice from a sippy cup.
For a long time.
Longer than most people probably thought was “appropriate.”
But after she weaned from breastfeeding at 15 months, she refused milk ofr any kind and calcium-enriched orange juice was the best alternative I could offer.
I decided I did not give a crap about the looks I got from friends and family members. She was a sweet, kind, happy child. Why would I take away something that provided her comfort? She didn’t drink in public (ha!) just in the privacy of our home.
When she was seven turning eight (gasp. I know. sippy cups still? the horror!) I talked to her about losing the cup and she agreed she was too old.
She also never drank orange juice again.
For some reason, this still breaks my heart.
Books can never compare to reality and experience – I’d say you’re experienced enough to make the decisions you know are right for your own child. So in answer to your questions – YES to all, guilty as charged! You are so not alone! 😉
My pediatrician wasn’t thrilled with my choice in feeding (baby led weaning- solids from start.) After he told me to start with jars of food I just smiled said yes and kept doing what I was doing. Sometimes, most doctors just stick with the books and its easier to just nod your head and smile. Though I wish I would stand up for myself…
I am exactly the same way and I have no idea why.
This is soooooooooo funny!!! Once I was at the pediatrician and she asked me if my 1 1/2 year old was off the bottle yet. “Yup, we did it!” I replied proudly. Then I followed her line of vision…as her eyes settled on the bottle peaking out from the side of my backpack (the one I planned on soothing his shot with after we left). Busted.
You are totally right- he won’t use it in college!
I nursed longer than my ped thought was okay.
My oldest sucked at sleeping.
I didn’t push solids on my kids.
And they are okay for it.
I have switched pediatricians once: when he said my kids were too young for food allergy.
HA!
And I have ignored them when they told me to get flu shots. I knew my kids would have a reaction. Finally, I gave in and let them get the shot: Hello, Epi pen handy?
That’s right. reaction.
JUST LIKE I KNEW.
Moms’s guts are the best Doctor.
There are definitely things I did against the books. Like letting Kate sleep on her belly.
I love how you told the story, though. It can be such a dance, can’t it? And I totally giggled at the starving steak eating mental picture.
He was literally holding two and alternating between them like he hadn’t one in years and they could be gone at any moment.
my niece had the same infatuation with her binks…only she would run around with 2 in her mouth at once! lol
Had a girlfriend who had approx. 20 pacifiers in the crib and then toddler bed so that her lttle one could always find one – she said sleep was precious. She is a great Mom 😉
You know what works for you and your kids. That is all that matters.
THanks for stopping by our blog!
Jessica, Don’t swweat the small stuff. When my kids were little they use to do some kind of prescreening of their gums. They told me my son who hated a pacifer would have great teeth.Should be no problems. this child produced a mouth full of teeth that needed cost a the amount of a small car to fix. The day after he got his braces off, he got hit in the mouth with a soccer ball, and it was pretty much back to square one. My daughterBrandy had a binky until she was almost 4, I know Horror! Her front teeth were protruding and I was worried sick I would never get her off of it. My pedatrician Ran me over the coals and I always left with my head hanging feeling like a failure. She was a sickly child and very clingy, and since I did have to work I felt so guilty depriving her of this little bit of comfort. Well— let me tell you something, When she lost her teeth, the new ones that came in were absolutely gorgeous! She had the most beautiful straight white teeth and they stayed that way until she died. I loved that beautiful smile, and looking back, I am so glad I let her have that binky!
Thanks Nancy, you convinced me. He can have the pacifier for as Long as he wants :). And you should start a blog, you have so much to share. Let me know if you ever want to start, the writing has helped me so much and it is really easy to get started.
I have SO done this! Not over a pacifier, but over things I don’t agree with, like the Vitamin D supplements they are now recommending for breastfed babies. I don’t agree, but I also feel too guilty to admit it to my ped, who I quite like for the most part. I thought I was the only one who did stuff like this! I have also done it with potty training. I haven’t had a single child go to Kindergarten in diapers!
My pediatrician always makes me feel guilty too, I don’t know what it is! As for the pacifier…like you said, you’ve done the parenting thing already so you’ll know when he is ready.
I feel the same way about my daughter’s thumb-sucking, it’s a comfort thing for her. She only does it when she is sleepy or very upset. Thankfully we don’t catch much flack. 🙂
You’re right – he won’t go off to college with a pacifier. Sometimes we just have to go with our gut.
When my daughter was 3, almost 4 months old, 8 ounce bottles every 4 hours just didn’t seem enough for her. That last hour before a bottle was torture! I asked her doctor about starting cereal and he said to wait until she was closer to 6 months old. I think I went out that day and bought a box of cereal. I never told the doctor.
I\’m happy to trust my gut just wish I wasn\’t such a wimp about it :).
OMG, yes! I’m currently wishing the picture I posted of Chessa on my blog today didn’t have her pacifier in because I KNOW friends of mine will judge me for it. But you know what? I think babies (and now I guess I have to say kids) need comfort items. And if her paci is her comfort item, so be it. *I’M* not ready to deal with making her give it up yet. And the boy? Well he sucks his thumb and my mother in law is trying to break his habit and I’m all like ‘meh, I don’t really care.” because you know what? He can find his thumb at 2AM and go back to sleep.
I am the exact same way, the pictures I posted today are ones I usually wouldn\’t post because I would rather avoid the comments.
Amen, mama! We have to follow our guts and there’s really nothing to be gained by arguing in this case (or with sleep, I’ve found?).
I love the way you told this, but that’s a given!
xo
You are so sweet, as always.
Yes and yes.
I’ve done this a few times and my kids have turned out just fine with all the decisions, good and bad, that I’ve made. I think that you as the mom knows what’s best and will do what is needed for her family.
The doctor doesn’t live there with you on a day to day basis. You do.
Yeah. I went by the books and threw away The Twins’ pacifiers when they were one.
Truth? It hurt. More than a little. More me than them.
Did I do the right thing? I have absolutely no clue. Bottom line, like you said, your child will not be using one in college.
Knock on wood. Kidding.
Oh believe me I have thought about that, what if he is a closet pacifier user when he is 18?
I stopped talking to mine about sleep issues with the kids. I love her, and the kids love her, but she is pretty cut and dry with the whole “let them cry,” and that doesn’t work for me. I know (hope, please!) they’ll sleep through the night eventually.
Yep, ultimately we just have to trust our own Mommy instincts. When it comes to sleep I think it is more their opinion than any medical facts.
I’m a closeted binky enabler too. What can I say? She’s my baby : )
Same here, he is my youngest. I was much better about stopping them with the older kids but with him I just let him have it.