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Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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This Is Grief

By Jessica

Lifting my eyes to the sun, I blink the world quiet.

Ribboning waves thread to sands of silk.

Golden rays and the tickle of giggles brush me with warmth.

This is perfection.

But this is grief.

Grief is standing in the most beautiful place you have ever known,

walking as close to heaven as you are far.

Picturing the rise and the fall of breath you can’t feel across your cheek.

Sensing the weight of a head of curls that will never brush your shoulder.

Reaching for a hand that should fit perfectly in yours but never will

and listening for a heartbeat that stopped long ago.

Grief is anchored in an air full of longing

and lost dreams

and missed birthdays.

Grief is the pull of waves that keeps you from dancing on the shore.

kids on lake michigan It is October, just days from what should be Hadley’s 4th birthday and several more days from when we said our goodbyes. My heart is heavy and yes, this is your tissue warning for the next few weeks.

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88 Comments Filed Under: Grief


Comments

  1. My Inner Chick says

    October 16, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    —Jessica,
    I must have missed your comment on my blog. Sorry.

    My heart if heavy & I feel your pain.

    I honestly do not believe I will ever be the same person I once was before my sister was murdered. I feel so much less w/ out her.

    Thinking of you today. x

    Love Love Love.

    Reply
  2. julie gardner says

    October 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Taking this in today…
    For you. For Hadley.

    Honoring her.
    And sending love your way.

    Reply
  3. Lady Jennie says

    October 8, 2011 at 9:04 am

    This is poetical and very very sad.

    Thinking of you.

    Reply
  4. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger says

    October 6, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    Tissues on standby and ready to hold your hand. I’m sorry for your grief, but I’m grateful you share it with us. I hope it lightens your load, even just a little.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 7, 2011 at 7:17 am

      Thank you so much Robin.

      Reply
  5. Charlotte says

    October 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Thanks for the tissue warning… I stand at the ready. This was, as always, incredibly beautiful. My thoughts are with you this week and am sending strength, comfort, and courage your way, momma. XOXO

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm

      Thank you so much Charlotte, I\’m sort of blogging my way through it and the support of all of you is incredible. Truly appreciate you.

      Reply
  6. Marta says

    October 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    So much love. So much.

    Reply
  7. Kelly says

    October 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Franchesca did share and I am so glad she did! WOW is all I can say, you capture it so perfectly. I’m so sorry your sweet Hadley isn’t here on earth with you…sad as it is, she has plenty of friends to play with in heaven…one being my little girl who would be 2 and a half.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 4:05 pm

      So good to meet you Kelly, although I\’m sorry we have such sadness in common. I\’m glad our little girls are together.

      Reply
  8. Elena says

    October 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

    We’re all here to listen and send you a big hug. I’d love to even give you one in person. 🙂

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

      Thanks so much Elena, truly.

      Reply
  9. Franchesca says

    October 5, 2011 at 2:04 am

    Oh my word Jessica, you could not have described grief better. It is perfect. Grief is a beautiful place, but what a bitter way to feel so close to Heaven. Thank you for sharing this. I think I might just share this post on facebook tomorrow. I know so many would be blessed by it. xxxx

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      Thank so much Franchesca, would love it if you share. I tried to find the words to describe that emptiness that just can\’t be filled. It hit me so hard as we stood on that beach. I felt so close to her and so far from her at the same time.

      Reply
  10. Leighann says

    October 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Know that I am thinking of you and that you are surrounded by love.

    You are not alone.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 9:33 pm

      Thank you so much Leighann, I appreciate your friendship more than you know.

      Reply
  11. Megan (Best of Fates) says

    October 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Sending you thoughts of love and peace.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 4:42 pm

      Thanks so much Megan.

      Reply
  12. Krista says

    October 4, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    oh honey. of course your heart is heavy. I wish I had the right words for you, but know that I’m here. I’m reading. I’m thinking of you.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 12:37 pm

      Thank you so much Krista, truly appreciate it.

      Reply
  13. Tiara says

    October 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Why is it that we begin to feel it right before the anniversaries and birthdays? On October 22 it will be two years since my brother passed and I already feel it… I hear it in my mother’s voice… it’s like we are all aching. I guess it’s just time to sit with it but not drown in it… my tissues are ready. My arms are streched from my place in the Midatlantic… you are not alone.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 12:38 pm

      Couldn\’t agree with you more. It is like the world takes on a different tone for a while. So sorry that you are living life without your brother.

      Reply
  14. Tracie says

    October 4, 2011 at 2:48 am

    I am sending love to you and your family. So much love. And prayers.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

      Truly appreciate it Tracie.

      Reply
  15. Hopes@Staying Afloat! says

    October 4, 2011 at 1:12 am

    This post made a lump swell in my throat.

    My thoughts are with you and your family during this time of remembrance.

    Nothing but huge (((HUGS))) for you my friend.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 10:57 am

      Thank you so much, truly appreciate your thoughts.

      Reply
  16. Nicole @MTDLBlog says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Beautifully written Jessica. Big hugs to you and sending you good wishes for strength as you see your way through this time.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 10:58 am

      Thank you Nicole, I could definitely use a little extra strength. 😉

      Reply
  17. Tameka Downing says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    You are definitely in my prayers tomorrow as you remember your angel. I know the grief you feel as I will be remembering my angel later this month on the day he passed.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 10:59 am

      Thank you Tameka, what date did your baby pass? Hadley was on the 11th.

      Reply
      • Tameka Downing says

        October 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

        The 28th which is also my brother’s birthday.

        Reply
        • Jessica says

          October 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

          I am so sorry, will be thinking of you all month, especially on the 28th.

          Reply
  18. NotJustAnotherJennifer says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Oh honey, my heart aches for you. Love you.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 4, 2011 at 10:59 am

      Thank you Jen, much love to you too.

      Reply
  19. Rach (DonutsMama) says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    I’m so very sorry that this is an even harder time for you. Hugs.

    Reply
  20. The Anecdotal Baby says

    October 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Hugs from across the blogosphere… There is nothing I can say to take away your grief, but know there are friends around the web who care for you. Keeping you in my thoughts!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 3, 2011 at 10:02 pm

      Your support means so much, thank you.

      Reply
  21. Jessica says

    October 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Beautiful words for such a sensitive subject. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time.

    Reply
  22. Alex@LateEnough says

    October 3, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    {hugs}
    And no warnings necessary because I am glad that you talk about your sweet Hadley, and I don’t think you should (or need to) stop.

    Reply
  23. Tonya says

    October 3, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Sending much love, light and peace your way. xoxo

    October is a difficult month for me too.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 3, 2011 at 10:03 pm

      Will be thinking of you too Tonya, here whenever you need me.

      Reply
  24. Lucy says

    October 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    You use as many tissues as you need, girlfriend. ♥

    Reply
  25. Lizbeth says

    October 3, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    The anniversaries never get any easier even as time progresses. I’m right there with you. Hugs.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 3, 2011 at 4:57 pm

      Thanks. They really don\’t, sometimes I think I should be doing \”better\” but with every reminder I am brought right back to the way things should be.

      Reply
  26. Kristin @ What She Said says

    October 3, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    I’m sorry that a time that should bring you joy instead brings so much pain. Writing is cathartic – keep doing it. We’ll be here with the tissues.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 9:14 pm

      I can’t stop writing right now. It is truly helping me through the days.

      Reply
  27. Mirjam says

    October 3, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    I can’t imagine what it is going through this kind of grief.
    Sending you lots of love.

    Reply
  28. Jackie says

    October 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    There is nothing that I can say to make this easier for you. So I won’t.

    Just know that we are all here for you. Tissues in hand.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 3, 2011 at 10:03 pm

      Thanks so much Jackie.

      Reply
  29. angela says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    I am so sorry and sending you thoughts and prayers. We are here; there are plenty of tissues to go around, and I wish I could do something more. But I am here, listening. xoxo

    Reply
  30. Veronica Raz says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Such beautiful words that depict how sad our loss is, and that it’s something we cannot just “forget”. Yes, we move on because we have to, but we always are humbled time and time again. Everytime I step into a beach, regardless of where it’s located, I am always reminded of Andrew. Somehow, the peacefullness of the water, sky, and sunset, bring me hope and faith, in that they are rejoicing in Heaven. Only a parent, who has experienced this, will understand. Every one else can only imagine it.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 9:13 pm

      I wanted so much to feel peace but I just felt that ache of missing her so intensely.

      Reply
  31. Diana Doyle says

    October 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Jessica,

    You’ve captured that lonesome longing feeling of grief perfectly in your words…thanks for sharing.

    Birthdays are one of the hardest, the wondering and the missing out on ALL that should be.

    I will keep you in my thoughts with love

    Diana x

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      It is such an emptiness and so hard to explain. I’m sorry you know this feeling too.

      Reply
  32. Jocelyn says

    October 3, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Oh, Jessica, I am so very very sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain of your loss, and especially how heavy this time must be each year. We’re all here for you if you need us, and I’ll have a crate of Kleenex ready.

    Reply
  33. Tina says

    October 3, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Use an entire box of tissue if you need to!

    Reply
  34. Tina says

    October 3, 2011 at 11:40 am

    That was beautiful. You can have al the tissue moments you need! My daughter woud have been eight in December; I completely understand.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

      I am so sorry Tina, the anniversaries never get easier do they?

      Reply
  35. Kristy @PampersandPinot says

    October 3, 2011 at 11:38 am

    I am so sorry. Hang on, girl, hang on.

    Reply
  36. KLZ says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Big hug.

    There are no words.

    Reply
  37. KWombles says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

    ((()))

    Reply
  38. Devan @ Accustomed Chaos says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

    sending you love & holding you tight

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 3, 2011 at 10:40 am

      Thank you Devan. xo

      Reply
  39. Jessica@Team Rasler says

    October 3, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Tissue warning duly noted. I wish I could do more than cry with you. Maybe that will help anyway.

    Reply
  40. JDaniel4's Mom says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:56 am

    I wish I could say or do something to help ease this. Just know you are in my prayers.

    Reply
  41. Forgotten says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Sending so much love your way. ((((HUGE HUGS))))

    XOXO,
    TwinsMa

    Reply
  42. Sherri says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Oh Jessica…beautiful words, as always but these feelings are still so raw. And you just write about them and try to let the words flow.

    We will have plenty of tissues.

    Hugs to you, my friend…

    Reply
  43. By Word of Mouth Musings says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Always here sweet friend … always here …

    Reply
  44. story says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Sending love. You create such beauty from your grief, and I know that that is little comfort, but it is such a gift to the world.

    Reply
  45. tracy says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Tissues and hugs ready. I ache for you and love you dearly.

    Reply
  46. Shell says

    October 3, 2011 at 9:15 am

    I will keep you in my prayers. xo

    Reply
  47. Barbara says

    October 3, 2011 at 8:29 am

    I’ll be thinking of you during this very hard time. Sending you hugs!!

    Reply
  48. wendy says

    October 3, 2011 at 7:56 am

    I am so sorry. I cannot imagine. take good care of yourself this week.

    Reply
  49. Kir says

    October 3, 2011 at 7:05 am

    My heart is heavy with yours…and my prayers and hugs are traveling to you to comfort you . Your words were so raw and beautiful, the tears in my eyes match the ache in my heart for you today. Xoxo

    Reply
  50. Alanna says

    October 3, 2011 at 6:46 am

    My heart breaks for you. This is a pain no one should ever have to feel. You are in my thoughts.

    Reply
  51. Ann says

    October 3, 2011 at 1:38 am

    Awww, I wish I had the right words, but we both know I don’t. Just know you’re in my heart and I’m thinking of you…

    Reply
  52. Kimberly says

    October 2, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    I am so so sorry. We’ll be here for you, as always. {hugs}

    Reply
  53. Just Jennifer says

    October 2, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Bring it on, sweetie.

    Reply
  54. Galit Breen says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Tissue warning heeded.

    I’m still here,

    Always will be.

    Sending you so very much love.

    XO

    Reply
  55. Yuliya says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Sweet Jessica, I am thinking of you in this difficult time.

    Reply
  56. Sara Joy says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Oh honey. (((hugs))) Let’s get together. Email me, k?

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      October 7, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      Would love to get together. Let’s pick a day.

      Reply
  57. Brittany says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Your words are beautiful and my heart aches for you. I understand the longing for that little hand in yours. Much love!

    Reply
  58. Runnermom-jen says

    October 2, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Oh, Jessica…I’m speechless. I’m so sorry. I wish I could wrap you in a hug right now. XO

    Reply
  59. Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) says

    October 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    I already need a tissue…

    I cannot imagine that kind of pain.

    Reply
  60. Stephanie says

    October 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Your words are so perfect. Thank you for sharing them. I haven’t reached that 4 year mark, but I feel the same way. Thinking of you this week!

    Reply
  61. Jamie says

    October 2, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I’ve got a box in hand. A whole box. My heart aches for yours.

    Reply
  62. Stephanie says

    October 2, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Oh sweetie. I am sending you so much love and so many hugs right now.

    Reply

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