Every Monday I start the school/work week optimistic. Reenergized from the weekend, I am always disillusioned certain this will be my week of organized crafts, home cooked meals, never-ending patience and a clean house.
Since we are nearing the end of another train-wreck week I thought I would post a little review of how my plan went down, just in case I wake up starry eyed next week too.
Monday:
- Everyone up, bathed and dressed early. Four doctors appointments in one day
because I am insaneto get them all out of the way at once. - Pre-pack snacks and toys and even drop off lunch for my husband.
- Get home in time to do the latest craft I fell in love with on Pinterest.
- Happily let the kids cover themselves with art mediums while I cook the dinner I had already prepped.
- Extra bedtime stories, no worries if Daddy is working late.
Tuesday:
- Up early in hopes of five minutes of peace, kids hear my eyelids open and begin their requests. I can do this. With coffee.
- Keep one home from school, not sure he’s fully recovered from most recent germ infestation.
- Lunch? Didn’t we just have breakfast?
- Resist the forcefield pulling me to my computer and make play-doh in hopes they play and I am not needed for two seconds.
- Husband working late. Breakfast for dinner and early bedtimes.
- Wine.
Wednesday:
- Time out #1 before sun up.
- Hold onto my yoga pants for dear life as I am pulled on to play outside, find a boot, get juice, stand on my head.
- Pray we don’t see anyone we know at the grocery store because I never had time to shower.
- Bribe everyone with Skittles to keep them in the cart.
- Pay for bribe when we get home with couch diving, bed jumping and nap refusal.
- Pizza for dinner.
- Call husband at work, on cell, at work, on cell. Pray he isn’t answering because he is pulling into the driveway.
- Wine.
Thursday:
- Who invented whining?
- Wonder if preschool will allow for a 6 am – 6 pm day to make up for son’s time off.
- Daughter dressed as a gypsy much to her satisfaction and refusing to enter the van.
- Two year old crying for Skittle lodged in van door from day before.
- Cereal for lunch or dinner or both?
- Watch Toy Story for the 4,563,321 time. Mommy wants to tweet.
- Lock myself in bathroom to finish third try at a phone call with utility company who ask me repeatedly if I need to call back when it’s quiet. Which would be NEVER.
- Yell. Curse myself for yelling. Yell again. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.
- Text husband:
Friday:
- Beautiful and sunny here in Mexico.
- Of course I brought the kids, I missed them as soon as I walked out the door.
- Nannies, housekeepers and craft-coordinators are less expensive here right? I need them to start by Monday.
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OMG – hilarious. Yours and husband’s texts are priceless!
I swear every Friday we end up with texts somewhat similar. It always has something to do with “get home right now or I’m going to lose my mind.”
I am a week late in reading this but I just had to say that I’ve sent that exact same text to my husband. Exactly.
Your days sound so familar! I call to make sure my husband isn’t at work too.
did you say you’d bribe with Skittles??? I’ll be right there….wait for me. 😉
Honestly, I work full time and I feel like I still have weeks like this. *GAH*.
I so get this, like everything is a struggle lately..and the whining, OH DEAR GOD that whining….can they make an APP for that??? 🙂
thre is always next week, and I’ll meet you in Mexico (ole!!!!)
xo
Nice bonding you got there. How I wish I could do this with my kids this Christmas. My husband is the one taking care of the kids these days as I am the one doing the work. I want to return to being a regular housewife once he recovers from his accident a month ago.
Haha – fantastic! I especially love the text from your husband. 😉
Great text conversation! 🙂
This is so funny! And why is that the first thing on a guy’s mind?!? Looks like our texts 🙂
You nailed this! Of course you did, it’s your LIFE! I can’t stand it when I don’t hear from my husband. I was pretty peeved when he didn’t respond to any of my vomit texts on Friday.
You are SO funny! I know there is a ton of this that is true and I wish I could show up on your door step with a hug and a bottle of great wine! I can offer cyber hugs, tho!
The text message was a HUGE LOL moment!
Thanks Ann, can you also bring food because you must be the best chef!
Love this in so many ways! Especially the texts. I needed a good laugh tonight, so thanks so so much!
So this is literally genius! And yes, I mean literally.
I have been laughing since Tuesday, and am actually thankful that I am not the only one to feel this way almost everysingledayoftheweek!
Not to be enjoying your suffering too much. 😉
Thanks for this it was possibly the best thing I’ve read all night
So glad you liked it Brittany, hopefully you are having a nice relaxing weekend :).
Love it! Funniest (& truest) post I’ve read in a long time 🙂
This is a Mom’s busy week, we could be a part-time teacher but we would always be a full-time mom. How cute kids you have, anyone would love to babysit them.
Thanks so much Lyka!
This was awesome!! So true. I’m glad I’m not the only one who repeatedly texts or calls my husband. And I’m having a glass of wine right now. It’s been a loooong day.
That text it totally something my husband would send me.
Howled over the utility lady’s comment–“Call back when it’s quiet.” Good grief, does anyone have that luxury?
No one with children, that’s for sure.
I will meet you in Mexico too – maybe we can get a group rate :-). Hoping next week will be better.
Sounds good to me. Hope this week is better for both of us.
Oh my word! Laughing out loud – sounds so similar to my week. Thanks for posting this!!
L O L this is awesome.
And true.
Oh my, did I *ever* need this laugh!
“kids hear my eyelids open” <–So true!
And the texts with your husband? I freaking die.
Love you, girl!
xo
I seriously wonder how they know when we are awake. I barely breathe and they know I have woken up. This week will be perfect though right??
I am dying that you put the “no sex tonight?” text from Mark up. And why in the world would you want to call back when it’s quiet? That would interrupt the quiet.
That text convo with your hubby is too funny! They might be handful but look at how adorable they are!
Oh, how those texts cracked me up!
I hear ya.
Every Sunday night, I think about what I’ll accomplish that week and I always imagine that I’ll be all chilled out in a clean house come Friday afternoon. Ha.
Funny, Funny Funny! I loved it!
It’s like you were peeking in my window! Except you didn’t start in on the wine until Tuesday 😉
this was tiring to read. *hugs* you’re lucky you’ve got adorable kids, must make it at least a little easier to resist strangling.
you & your husband make me smile on a regular basis. thank goodness for good men and wine.
At least your Monday seemed pretty good :). And your husband is a smart man.
OMG, I’m exhausted just reading this. But your text with the hubs? Had me in stitches. LOL!!
Gosh, do you have the cutest kids or what?!
Oh, my friend.
We’ve hit the stage over here where the kids stay up later (meaning awake and aware of what we’re doing) than we do at night.
So.
Bill is on his way home from work to meet me right now in the middle of the day to take advantage of the empty house while the kids are at school.
Fingers crossed he’s bringing some wine…
Woo hoo, hope the mid-day rendezvous went perfectly.
“Does this mean no sex tonight?” – I’m adding that to the list after the Hooter’s tank and a couple other doozies from him. 🙂
The list is long, very long.
I love your husband! what a smart ass…
and I don’t start out every week optimistic…I start out every day like that…but within minutes those dreams are shattered…
I loved this post!
This is hilarious! And true. Charlie is a late worker most nights and since I get home at 3:30, I’m always doing the same thing – wishing he isn’t answering because it means he’s pulling in the driveway and help is on the way. That text convo is priceless!
I had been thinking about doing a “week in the life” post for a while but after that text convo I knew I was golden :).
Jess, I think you are living my life too. I pray at the beginning of every week for exactly what you described. I’m still living in the fantasy it may happen some week, but it won’t be this one. And, our Wednesday late night this week turned into an ER visit and a totaled car. Took the kids until today to realize it wasn’t in the driveway.
Oh my gosh, scary Wednesday. Someday we will either give up the fantasy or actually live it, when we’re 80.
You would think that with Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa so close that everyone would behave. Not so much here either. I feel like every night I am lecturing everyone about their behavior. I need some sun and some time away from work. Let’s do this. 😉 I don’t know how you do it. I am gone from 8 to 5 and I feel like I want to cry before I even walk in the front door.
As for the sexy time. Not happening.
My plane is on it’s way, get your sombrero ready.
I think we are living dual lives. When are we doing this sister-wife thing again? I promise to bring some wine bottles with me…
😉
Also, that text exchanged could SO be me and my hubby! HA HA HA!
Really, you are a riot! I’m reading this again! And retweeting this. But first i’m wiping the tears from my face! It just sounded like my week..
This really made me laugh – I lament my Mondays – I start at 4 in the morning, I’m at work by 6, I work until 5, and then I have symphony practice, so I’m not home until 10. It’s a very, very long day . . . but it means that, whatever happens through the rest of the week, I didn’t start out high & work my way down.
No, it means that I start in the suck and never get out of it…
If he wanted sex tonight, he should have brought some wine…
Seems obvious enough.
Ha! The text after that was me replying that all was good because I had bought wine, just couldn’t fit it in the window.
My word you have some beautiful children!
Mexico and a craft-coordinator sound really great right now…I’d totally take my baby, too 😉 Hub can stay home. Earlier this week I was trying to give him away to the highest bidder.
Sorry to laugh at your hectic week, but those text messages look all too familiar.
you made it till Wednesday w/o a tiem out? I am impressed by your mad skillz!
Oh we did not make it to Wednesday without a time out, that was just the first day that they started before 8 am.
lol ok..makes me feel a bit better!
You crack me up!
I bet every mom can relate to this post. It’s funny how we start off the week doing so well, then it all goes downhill SO quickly.
This cracked me up in a big way! One of my 18 month old twins has decided that naps are no longer necessary, which means that she is a monster by 2:00pm. After an hour or two of her screaming, her sister gets fed up and joins in. Yesterday I actually texted my husband and he came home from work an hour and a half early to bail me out. I took a drive to the library to clear my head and to return some books that were due back a month ago.
That said, I’d love to get in on that trip! I could use some assistance in the toddler-monster wrangling and library book returning departments. And I could use a really strong margarita!
Hilarious. Mexico and Target look much the same. Weird how that happens to us.
It was tough to take that picture wearing a sombrero.
Love it. I think you are doing pretty darn well Jessica! I don’t even HAVE such grand hopes beginning each week– You are pretty awesome. See you in the caribbean.
Believe it or not, several other moms have signed up for the trip. We will pick you up in an hour :).
You crack me up! I’m sorry your week didn’t go as planned. The hubby’s text KILLED me! Wish I was closer, I would LOVE to babysit. Great pic of the shopping cart kids 🙂
If you love to babysit I wish you lived closer too, I would love an extra set of hands, especially by Friday!
Haha! Oh my gosh, the texts from hubby! The nerve! 😉 I found myself nodding through entire post and then saying wait, did I write this?!
This is a case for a four day week I think.
I can meet you in Mexico.
I will bring the skittles 🙂
There’s always next week…at least that’s what I always tell myself!
Yay! Katie (@practicalmom) is coming too.
HAHA!!! This is hilarious, and so true!! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who dreams of having “organized crafts, home cooked meals, never-ending patience, and a clean house”. 🙂 Maybe someday?
Every week I think I’m going to do it all. If I would just pace myself maybe I would have enough sanity to make it until Friday.
I’m half laughing half crying because, pretty much, we had the same week! The inventor of whining should be strapped down while a chorus of preschoolers whine to him/her for at least seven hours per day. There’s always tomorrow, right?
Yes but I don’t want to do tomorrow. Really today was my patience limit but there is still one. more. day. until the weekend. Can you fly in with your kids and those cookie recipes and we’ll just eat cookies and let the kids play?