‘Tis the season for taking my children shopping more often than any sane person would agree to and quick trips to the store for a gallon of milk turning into a three hour fiasco when the corner store has a sale on candy canes.
Since my husband and I recently found ourselves with the distinct honor of being at the opposite end of the mall as our vehicle when not one, not two, but THREE of our children began full-on meltdown mode, I thought this would be a good time to create a code of conduct for onlookers.
I’m sure my local mall is reading and carving this in stone as I blog.
If you see a child melting down in public:
1. Obey the 5 second rule. You may look long enough to make sure the child is not lost or being kidnapped. Once you realize that neither is the case LOOK AWAY. Do NOT look back again, point out the scene to your latte-sipping friend or stop traffic by placing your jaw on the floor (eeew germs! plus someone tripping over your bottom teeth would not a good Christmas picture make).
2. See a flying object, pick it up. If a glove, boot, shopping bag or small child lands at your feet. Do NOT stop and look down at said object with disdain, waiting for frazzled parent to place toddler in a football hold and pick it up. Embrace the holiday season and whatever is in your way, hand it to red-faced parent and do not flinch when they accept with whatever limb may be free (toes are just another set of fingers when your hands are full).
3. Please, for the love of every mother-with-young-children’s silent night, don’t tsk, sigh, purse your lips or hmph. Do you think we are not fully aware bribing with stickers/shopping during naptime/running out of snacks/bringing only 10,000 pacifiers is not buying us one more moment? This smile is not one of Joy to the World it is of glazed over insanity. Unless you have wine, a nanny or a spaceship ready to board, just give an understanding nod and you will have a new best friend.
Fa la la la la.
Do you have more suggestions to add to my list or maybe an epic meltdown story to make me feel better?
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