I have been searching for four years for the perfect one.
This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea
And maybe there never will be something perfect.
My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.
Maybe it would only be perfect if it had a much different meaning.
They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.
But on a rare moment of shopping alone, my eyes rested on this.
A familiar ache settled in as I lifted it from the shelf and brought it home to hang right where it belongs.
They say we’re buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.
But there is a twinge of completeness in seeing her stocking hang with the others, another reminder that she was here and always will be.
This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you’re not where you belong;
inside my arms.
Every winter I listen to this song, the words go perfectly with the latest stocking at our fireplace. I have grown to mix this song among the others though.
My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.
Sneaking out between Jingle Bells and Santa Baby, I welcome it each holiday season,
I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.
and hope to greet it with less tears than the year before.
Now that Hadley’s stocking sits empty I don’t know what to do with it and would love suggestions. Do you have any ideas on a way to incorporate her memory or a new tradition we can start to make sure her stocking is filled each year?
Powered by Facebook Comments
I’ve never heard this song, but it sounds appropriate. Maybe choose a child to sponsor in her memory and have the kids pick out the gift. Or have each child write her a letter about what they have done this year. Or let each child pick a charity to make a small donation to in her memory. I think the stocking is a wonderful way to keep her memory alive.
Thanks so much for your ideas Julia.
Natalie @MamaTrack says
What a great perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our own lives. I love this reminder. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Oh, that made me teary. Beautiful tribute to Hadley. Could you put a picture of your family in each year? To send yourselves to her?
Beautiful song, beautiful idea about Hadley’s stocking. I would put small treats to your children from her (and maybe a little angel for each one of them, just as a reminder that she is watching over them). Have a lovely Christmas!
Love the angel idea Anna. Thanks so much.
That was really beautiful and touching. I’m racking my brain thinking of something wonderful you could do.
Perhaps fill it with toys that you then donate in her memory?
What a wonderful song.
I like all the ideas above. It could also be nice to have each child pick a small gift to fill Hadleys stocking and donate to a child (that is approximately her age) that is in need, either with a financially struggling family or a child who is sick or something like that.
You could combine this idea with many others listed and honour her memory through generosity and altruism.
I really like this idea Nadine, doing something in her name would be so nice.
I have always loved this song and now after reading this, a little more. xoxo
Oh this is so beautifully perfect.
I wish that you didn’t have to know this pain.
Sending you much love and strength.
I wish I knew how to fill that stocking, but know what? YOU know it’s filled with love.
The song? One of my new favorites. I found it last year and it’s been on my ‘top 10’ mix ever since.
Don’t you love it? I could listen to it over and over.
Nicole @MTDLBlog says
What about every year, everyone in the family write letters to her and put them in her stocking? You can start every Christmas morning with reading the letters out loud?
Then maybe put them in a “Time Capsule” at the end of each year?
Idk, just a thought.
I love her stocking btw!
Thanks for such great ideas Jessica.
A girl on a loss loop I’m on has a little stocking she made for her daughter who died- she said each year they put a little something in it- a note, a crocheted flower, a photo, a special ornament… etc. And her kids will pull each thing out and talk about it each year.
Love that Jayme, thanks. Hope you are doing okay with the upcoming holidays.
This is beautiful, Jessica. And, I think it’s wonderful that you’re maintaining her memory. I agree with the other commentators, perhaps letters or cards to her, your wishes for her, etc. would be nice. Or maybe, everyone in your family could buy her a gift or give a special keepsake that they cherish, something representative of their love for her, her memory. I hope this helps.
It does help, thanks so much Jessica
Oh sweet friend. I’m thinking of you hard. I wish you didn’t have to write a post like this ever. But every time you do, I’m awed by your strength and reminded of my blessings. I’m so very honored that you share her story with us.
Thanks so much for all of your love and support Krista, it means so much.
I haven’t read too many of the other suggestions ~ I did like the idea of donations in her name. Maybe this can be your location for hopes and plans for the new year? For example, you could all write something you’d like to do, somewhere you’d like to go, and place them in her stocking over the season, then read them on Christmas. …The promise of new life, with the memory of times past…
Love that idea Becky, I really like the idea of donating somewhere and of involving the whole family. Thank you!
This had me in tears. I love all of the ideas. xo, friend.
Natalie @MamaTrack says
The song and the sentiment are beautiful. And the stocking is perfect.
What about a series of letters? Things that everyone would like to say to her. Stories they would like to share. As the kids get older, they could even seal them if they are private.
Oh, my… tears.
Perhaps you can have the kids write little notes to her and pick one thing they’d like her to remember for the year. Maybe something they learned or a Christmas lesson or something.
I love that idea Charlotte because as we save them from year to year it will help us remember things about the kids too. Thanks so much.
Another idea is to put a balloon in for each year (how old she would be), and on Christmas day, you could blow them up and release them “to heaven”.
Hi, this is my first time here. I think it would be nice for each of you to write her a letter, telling her what you would like her to know about the past year.
This idea gave me goosebumps Jen, I love it because, in asking her questions it will also remind us of the things the kids enjoyed that year and give us great memories to look back on. Thanks so much.
This brought tears to my eyes.
I love all the ideas people have had, and think that whatever you choose to do, it will be just right for you and your family.
Varda (SquashedMom) says
So many wonderful suggestions, don’t know if there’s anything I can add to them. Maybe a special ornament for the tree that is “Hadley’s” and comes in the stocking each year?
I mostly want to say hello, and I’m thinking of you, and thanks for bringing this song to me, it’s beautiful.
Varda, I love the idea of a gift coming in the stocking each year. It would be nice for them to all see what gift she has gotten and hang it on the tree Christmas morning. Love this and truly appreciate your thoughts.
Love this Jessica!
I really like the idea that someone had about donating the toys that the kids pick out to put in her stocking.
What about having the kids write to her or write wishes down or things their grateful for and put them in there, then each year you have that to look back on.
Kristin @ What She Said says
So beautiful, Jessica. The song and your words.
I like Alison and Jenn’s idea about having the kids choose something or make something to put in Hadley’s stocking.
Maybe you could all do some act of kindness or service- be someone’s angel- and then write what you did and put it in her stocking.
Oh Jessica, what a beautiful song. I love that you brought her stocking home with you. People have already left great ideas; I like the thought of you writing letters to her and then having a gift in the stocking to donate. That way you are making a donation to another child in Hadley’s name but you will also have something to keep each year, too.
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger says
What a beautiful thing to have up. I think the ideas here are great, and I hope doing this gives you a little bit of peace.
So beautiful! What about having the other kids write letters to her every year and fill the stockings with special words and tokens for her.
Have Family members fill it with little love notes.
Kate F. says
What a beautiful song. I’ve never heard it before.
I love the suggestions of a little note “tucked inside” each year. Whatever you choose to do, I truly hope that you are able to greet the holiday season with less tears than the years in the past Jessica.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
I can’t even imagine the pain you feel, but I know that your little angel baby is smiling and watching her mama and siblings with so much love. I like the idea of writing a little note to tuck inside each year. 🙂
Awww. I love this so much. Sorry I haven’t been by lately. It has been crazy busy. I love some of the ideas I saw.
Rach (DonutsMama) says
I know this has to be a joyful, but very painful time for you. Maybe you and the kids could buy some toys for the stocking, but then donate them to a child in need or to a local children’s hospital? They could be gifts from Hadley’s Stocking.
I think this is a great idea, the more I think about it I love the idea of donating something to somewhere in her name. Especially since I’m always trying to help them find the joy in things. Thank you.
Dana K says
this is beautiful. I think putting gifts in to donate to someone else would be a beautiful tribute. Maybe have the kids choose an “angel” each year from one of the trees or donate/take the gifts to a children’s hospital or women’s shelter.
Nicole DeZarn says
Achingly lovely! Prayers and hugs. What if each of you wrote a letter and put it in her stocking each year. Reading them the next would show how far a year has brought you and writing, as all bloggers know, can help to heal your hearts. I have a friend who lost a child 10 years ago to SIDS, each year her husband writes a letter to her as if it’s from Tommy. They are beautiful. This inspired my idea for you. Be blessed!
Oh wow, what a great idea. And what your friend’s husband does each year has me all choked up. I can’t imagine what it must be like to read something like that.
Rachel Cree-Lowe says
Love. A collection of angels. Adding one angel to the stocking a year. x
Oh that is such a great idea, thank you.
Aww beautiful. How about the other kids making cards for Hadley to put in the stocking?
Love that idea Jenn, thank you.
Galit Breen says
Oh my heart, this post is so very beautiful. And this idea? Is gorgeous.
So very much love to you, friend.
Oh, how I love this song. I have it on heavy rotation on my iPod all year long! You have great taste. 😉
What a beautiful way to honor your daughter!
As far as what to put in the stocking…
What about a letter from you and your husband?
Or maybe the kids can buy little trinkets for Hadley (at the age she would be) then donate the stocking’s contents on the day after Christmas?
I love the idea of donating something in her memory each year and involving the kids, thank you so much Ryan.
Tears my friend. xo
I love the idea of filling Hadley’s stocking with gifts to donate to Toys for Tots (or a similar organization)? Or, have you planted a tree in her memory? If you have you could take a picture of your family with the tree each year.
Beautiful post and song. Take care.
We used to fill Eric’s stocking with baby items to donate to the NICU, then we would take them to the NICU on Christmas Eve. I would always ask for them to be given to the smallest baby boy in there… This year with the divorce and all that goes with it I didn’t keep the same tradition, but plan to again next year; me and the kids delivering them next year to the NICU they were born at… Just a thought…
I really like that idea, especially the thought of going back to their NICU, hopefully I can handle the whole experience.
Such a beautiful song. And her stocking hanging there? So touching.
Such a sweet comment Lynn, thank you so much.