I have not opened a child-rearing book since your birth, but have piled you in the bed for one more nighttime story and ignored the clock when you handed me one more book.
I used to adjust the bath water, over and over, feeling for the right temperature but for you I push up my sleeves, splash back when you send water in my direction and marvel at the drops on your baby lashes before I wipe them away.
I don’t practice numbers and letters with you as often as I should, but you can count to ten and proudly spell your name S-3-5 and your confident vocabulary includes actually and probably and wiener (your brother’s doing, of course).
I don’t feed you strictly organic, two year-old buffets, but I sit with you at the table, touch your nose to mine as you line up goldfish crackers and try not to blink as your little body grows longer, more capable, with each pajama change.
I haven’t taken away your pacifier or boiled it each time it hit the floor but I crawl with you behind the couch, searching for the last place you threw it and pull you to my lap once it’s discovered, relaxing into the weight of your calm.
I have yet to agonize over moving from two naps to one, whole milk to 2% or turning your carseat from rear to forward-facing. But you can hold a big boy cup without spilling, close your eyes moments after I lay you down and belt out your favorite animal for our tenth chorus of Old McDonald on a family car ride.
I can’t hold your hand as much as I would like to, someone is always pulling you to a place more exciting. But I change your dress up clothes as quickly as you ask, returning you to a world of pretend, your coveted role, whatever they have decided you will be.
Your baby book pages are largely untouched, heights and weights scribbled in between piles of laundry, but I have captured your life here.
The big and marvelous of it. And I hope someday you will visit and scroll through your life, taking
in the love I’ve left for you between my every word.
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Hi! If I comment twice, I apologize. I wrote one this morning, but it didn’t post. I just wanted to say how beautiful this post is. You are an amazing writer, and I can’t wait to catch up on past posts.
-Megan
(Found you through the write on edge weekend linkup!)
Wow, thank you for such an amazing compliment Megan.
I don’t know how I missed reading this one, but oh my Lord, it is beautiful. I felt it in my chest, my throat, and the swelling of my eyes. Simply perfect. It gave me chills. It left me thinking, “Man, I wish I could express my words like that.” I think this might be my fav.
Thank you so much. I’ve been trying to find a way to express his role in our family and I feel like this post finally did it.
I think this is one of my favorite posts I have ever read from you. Just magnificent. As per usual, I am covered in goosebumps.
So beautiful. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s baby books are empty. I tell people all the time, my blog is my baby book.
Because of the way we became parents, the “baby books,” largely went unfilled. I’m hoping Instagram counts.
This is some beautiful, beautiful writing, Jessica
Your blog? The best baby book ever. So much love in every word and ‘between every word’. Beautiful post, Jessica.
Oh an you have captured his life so beautifully here. Each and every day.
This was lovely.
Makes me want another baby.
Sigh…
I feel this same way about my baby. Sometimes he does things and I think “Where did you learn that?” 🙂
::wipes tears from eyes:::
Nothing to say but…
I love you.
How beautiful and I love that picture. How magical to hold on to those last moments of him being the baby. I wish I would have enjoyed the time more instead of always wishing that my first grow up.
You will have plenty of time with your youngest ;).
So beautiful!
I love the picture and the post. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
This is so beautiful. I love the detail that you’ve put into it – especially the crawling behind the couch in search of his pacifier. Such a good, involved, loving mom. 🙂
So very lovely…
What you’ve left for him here between every word.
And once again I’m reminded that I wish I’d known Karly would be my last baby.
I’m not sure what I would have done differently.
But.
I do think I would have noticed the lasts of it all a bit more.
For better or worse.
Wow! We must be in the same phase of life, you have such a wonderful way with words! Funny how things are SO different with the last one! Thanks for the beautiful post!
Thanks so much Erica, I’m definitely enjoying the toddler years with my youngest, knowing he will be our last.
So beautiful! I especially enjoyed this because I am the baby of the family and know I was something special for my mom…even though I don’t have a baby book that’s filled in either 😉
A very heart touching post. It reminds me of what my mother did to bring me up. Only a mother can know a mother’s real feeling. It is great reminder to all of us that a mother sacrifices everything for her child and takes utmost care to bring them up.
Beautiful!
We only have one child, but I find myself doing a lot of these same things. We bought a baby book and it’s relatively unused because I started blogging. I don’t worry so much with things like bedtime because I just enjoy the presence of my son. Beautiful words.
And the picture. I LOVE the picture! 🙂
Oh what a sweet post! I love hearing what you do differently with the baby of the family. And what a wonderful gift he has, this blog, as his baby book!
Beautiful Jessica! One of my favourites from you.
I love it and I love the feelings in this.
So beautifully written. Your love shines through, as always.
I adore this. So perfect. Each one experience is different, right? Hug that boy tight.
This makes me dream of baby days. You can see your love through every word.
Such a cute text… Thanks for sharing your most personal thoughts…and that pic…you look so adorable!
I loved this and really wanted to comment. Unfortunately, my computer was acting crazy and I’m afraid you might get several comments from me. If that is the case, I’m sorry.
I just really wanted you to know how much this post touched me.
What a loving reminder of what is actually important as a mother. I was so touched, Jessica.
So beautiful, Jessica. I love hearing how you celebrate each moment with the last one who will be a baby.
I love this. It’s amazing how different we do things between our first baby and the last.
Makes me want another.
This is beautiful and so sweet. Makes me want to have another one. Seriously. 😉 Sigh.
I only have one baby and he’ll be my baby forever and ever.
I have nothing to say other than that this is heartwarming and beautiful.
This is just beautifully written. I was thinking this morning about how I let Dylan “get away” with things I didn’t let Abbey do (like sleeping in our bed halfway through the night.) I wish I wouldn’t have been so worried about what I “should” do with her and just concentrated more on enjoying the baby(ish) stage.
Oh my heart, this is stunning.
And yes, exactly how it is – the great big busy love – with the baby.
Beautiful, as always, Jess.