Watching week after week of my favorite mind-numbing show has made me wonder what it might be like if the bachelorettes were nothing but blogging women. Especially since many of us happily claim the famous motto of most bloggers:
Source: weheartit.com via Jessica on Pinterest
1. You don’t have to share the remote. Just share your thigh with her laptop and she won’t even look up to see what you are watching. Don’t complain when the heat it generates burns through your flannel pj’s.
2. Your clothes will be dry-cleaned. All of them. She will have no time for laundry or really anything other than writing, editing, posting, responding to comments, blog-reading, tweeting, facebooking, stumbling and pinteresting.
3. Her friends will not be stopping by for a cup of sugar. Send her to a blog conference or ten and she will get a much needed dose of her closest friends who live 3,000 miles away.
4. She will gaze into your eyes dreamily. Unfortunately this will have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her latest idea for a post. The whole masterpiece will be written in her mind before your eyelid begins to twitch.
5. Breakfast? Dinner? Laundry soap made from tree bark and raw shellfish? She can do it. Give her 30 seconds to access her Pinterest boards and she will build an addition onto your new home with pipe cleaners and modge podge.
6. Help yourself to free Christmas cards, vitamin infused spray cheese and glow in the dark toothbrushes, as long as she can vlog your meals while blogging about how white your teeth were in the annual holiday photo.
7. She won’t travel far. Or anywhere at all. As long as she has an iPhone, iPad, MacBook and wireless with a side of Photoshop and Google Analytics (real time, of course).
8. The answer to any question you could ever ask can be answered by your one-and-only-until-the-tabloids-wreck-it as fast as you can say 140 characters.
9. Your every wrong move, bad gift, burped song and forgotten garbage day will be bittersweet. Annoying yes but the blog fodder more than makes up for the fact that you are, well, male.
10. When she accepts the final rose, and every other rose, for that matter, don’t worry if she walks away facing you. There isn’t an evening gown out that that flatters a bad case of Blogger’s Butt.
What would you add to the list? What can someone expect if they marry a blogger?
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Sadly, that’s why my butt’s so flat. There, I said it. Love this list. Wish it wasn’t true..lol
I so did not mean to post my comment on Facebook! Oops. This is too funny andcway too accurate! Love it!
Oh yeah. Blogger’s butt. I’m all over that!!
Son of a… that wasn’t supposed to publish! This is hysterical, Jessica, and so true! I’m currently working on my blogger booty 🙂 I have to say-i kind of felt bad for the girl. I can’t imagine how I would’ve reacted in that house full of mean girls. But I do love me some Ben. Dreamy, isn’t he?
I felt bad for her too, I kept willing her to get it together but it just didn’t happen.
LLm
This is hilarious!! Love it. Blogger butt. Just following you from Bloggy Moms- Michigan Moms page. Nice to meet you and your blog 🙂
You know what I would add? That you don’t really have to talk to her b/c she’ll be buried in her computer screen, lol!
Love this.
Very true, no communication needed, just leave her and twitter alone ;).
Oh God, this is hysterical, and sadly, so true.
Oh Blogger Butt… we adore thee!
As long as we all have the Blogger Butt then it’s okay right?
they will sign for and pick up off the doorstep box upon box of stuff and will say, “what did you win from a blog this time?” Or maybe that’s just me 😉
Oh that is totally just you!!
Suddenly, I kinda want to marry myself…
We are pretty great aren’t we?
This was great…and totally SPOT on! I was rooting for Jenna after the first night b/c I thought maybe she was just overwhelmed. Turns out she’s a bit of a train wreck.
I know, I kept thinking that she would get over herself but instead she proved to be just as crazy as the usual girls who get kicked off in the first week or two.
I totally love this! So true! And Jenna. Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. Goodness me that was painful to watch!
Oh I know, I kept willing her to get it together but no luck.
This post is hilarious! Loved it. 🙂
I will not succomb my brain to that show.
Ever.
But I had to laugh…really hard I might add…at these pointers because really, they’re so true.
So true! Until there is a twelve-step program for bloggers, I guess they’ll just have to continue enabling us! LOL
#4 ha!!
I love the dry cleaning line. My house is a disaster, but my blogging is always being done.
That is so true. My blog is WAY cleaner than my kitchen floor.
You do funny so well. Awesome list.
I have never seen a single episode of The Bachelor. Can we still be friends?
Tonya! How could you not? This is really wrecking our we-have-so-much-in-common bond.
love this…though I despise the Bachelor and refuse to wath it!
It is total mind-numbing television, the only reason I watch.
This is hilarious! Love, love love it! 🙂
BTW, was the blogger the one they showed in the promos crying hysterically? I don’t watch this show anymore.
Yes, that was her, she did not represent us well.
LOL, this is great, Jessica! And all so true! Especially #4 – I will sometimes completely tune my husband out while staring right at him as I flesh out a new post idea. He knows it, too – he says I’m “in the zone.” I literally can’t think, focus, or communicate when I’m in the zone. I become and absent-minded mess.
And #10 – oh, how I’ve lamented this! My workouts have decreased dramatically since I started blogging. It has its benefits, but an active lifestyle is not one of them!
The butt is a total occupational hazard.
And the “zone out” probably makes it difficult to live with us but it must be done.
This is hilarious!! LOVE.
Oh yes – and every item in your household will come from swag and giveaways. 🙂
Love this!!!
My husband has gotten extremely wary whenever I say, “Oh, I have this great new Pinterest recipe I’m doing for dinner tonight!” Let’s just say they’re not all good.
And yeah, he does have a tendency to catch me giving him that look and say, “This is going in a post, isn’t it?”
Same here! I actually tried one for cookies yesterday that was awful and then I saw it getting repinned and repinned, I wanted to take back my pin so it didn’t keep spreading.
This is one of the greatest posts, ever . . . and I’ve never watched an episode of The Bachelor.
Blogger’s Butt? Off to Pinterest to find good butt workouts…
I love this. You crack me up!
Love this! Your next post will have to be called “When Your Mom is a Blogger”. Every time we sit down to eat anywhere, my son asked me,
“Mom, are you blogging this?”
This is so true, and hilarious to boot. I think you may have just invented a new line of jokes.
“You know you married a blogger when,…”
Oooh, we need a hashtag, maybe we can get #youknowyoumarriedabloggerwhen to trend.
This is so funny. It’s completely TRUE. I don’t really need my husband to talk to me. 😉
Exactly, but they don’t need to know that ;).
I love this so much that I don’t even know what to say. HAHAHA!!!! Off to the elliptical to avoid that blogger’s butt situation. Yikes.
Ugh, get off the elliptical, be at true blogger and flatten it out in the computer chair :).
Okay, so I know nothing about the bachelor but just happened to catch the show when the blogger girl was having her meltdown. She seemed really drunk, which I’ve heard a lot of them are. Seriously, I was embarrassed for her!
Too funny 🙂
Hooray! I just happen to have extra tree bark and raw shellfish lying around here. And I would absolutely make laundry soap except as you said:
It’s all at the dry cleaners.
This was hilarious, my friend.
XO
Hilarious!!!!
I love this! My favorite part? That I totally do think I can build an add on or remodel a house thanks to Pinterest!
HA! SO TRUE! You nailed it. I’m so glad you wrote this. I thought it was only me.
This is dead on! So funny! Definitely perked up my morning!
Love, love, love this! You’ve got me laughing hysterically here in Michigan. TY!
My husband will get a good chuckle out of this too…maybe it will help him to know he’s not the only one. 🙂
I’m in Michigan too, glad you enjoyed (and that there are other comments so we know it’s not just a local blogger thing). 🙂
Love ths! 😀
Very cute. You can be sure if she says, “I’ll be right back” to her husband or kids…she won’t.
If you ask me, every man should WANT to marry a blogger. It is a fabulous thing.
This is so true! I had such fun reading it.
This is funny in the way that only something SO true can be!
Oh, this is hysterical! I can’t wait to show my husband when he gets home from work. I loved the dry cleaning of everything! Laundry is a huge time killer when you have so many blogging details to take care of. I’m still laughing!
Oh you genius girl….my husband concurs!!!! LOL
Wait – can my bachelor sit across the room because my MacBook gets way to hot for my thighs to touch anyone else.
I’ll buy him some aloe.
Haha! This totally cracks me up! You hit the nail on the head with this one, and I’m pretty sure my husband would agree with it all. 🙂
I love your new header! What a cute picture. Yes, I’m thinking that with some mode podge I can redo my entire bathroom – marble tile and all! 😉
I think you could really do it too. Just do a blog post with pictures please!
I die.
This?
Is genius!
OMHeavens…I just ruined newlywed bliss by laughing until there was the dreaded snot bubble.
Great post!
Never did I think a snot bubble would be such a compliment. xo
I love this! It’s hysterical because it’s all so true! I’m suffering from a huge case of Blogger’s Butt now. Maybe Pinterest has a solution for that??
If there were a solution for Blogger Butt anywhere the site that posted it would crash from all the traffic.