I tell them when they were inside my stomach they played with each others toes, wiggled the ear closest to them and decided on the best time to meet us.
An “expert” once explained they could not sense the loss of their sister. Memory doesn’t form until much later in infancy.
But I am their mom.
I know.
I have watched them since the moment I was able to lift them out of incubators and place them together in my arms,
how naturally they folded to one another,
how one’s cry never startled the other,
how they scooted, then crawled, then toddled close again, if one ventured too far.
And I watch them now.
The invisible pull they have whether they are fighting over a toy we have five more of, or balancing shoulder to shoulder at the couch’s edge. There is no such thing as space between them.
They make up the distance before I realize it is there.
For this reason I worried over separating them for the first time this past year as I sent one off to preschool and nurtured the special needs of the other. I look back now at my worries and know I could not have been more wrong.
As we hurried around yesterday morning, one spinning his cereal bowl before school, the other insisting on sandals for her doctor’s appointment, I heard my daughter explain her brother:
When I am gone I won’t be able to feel you home, Parker. You will be at school.
And just as I was about to interject, attempt to translate what she may have been saying, my son sprinted from the room and returned to remind me their words to each other need no translation.
He handed his sister a heart swirled with color.
Touch the blue part Kenna, and you will feel me home.
Through tears I tucked the rainbow-ed heart into my daughter’s bag and marveled at the gift they are to each other.
There is a space in that heart for their sister too.
They have felt her Home all along.
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I have twins as well and love seeing their bond. My b/g twins are 3.5. My sister-in-law is pregnant, so the subject of “babies in tummies” has come up a bit lately. My son told me that when his sister is a mommy he will be their daddy. I told him “No, you’ll be their uncle.” He got very angry with me and said “NO. I be the daddy!” I just smiled inside and let it rest. Later that day he saw a picture of a very fancy bathroom and told me “When K and I get big, we will live in a house with a room like that.” I love that he pictures them living together forever!
I have an adult acquaintance that is a twin and she and her brother don’t speak to each other and she has said she hated being a twin. This terrified me. I did not (and do not) want that for my twins. I don’t think I need to worry, though. I can’t imagine my two ever hating one another.
I don’t know how I missed this post, but it is so lovely. I can’t imagine their connection and know how much a part of their home Hadley still is.
My twins (boy/girl) are 17 now but it has been so amazing to see their relationship evolve over the years. She was very much the mother figure to him when they were in pre school and elementary. Now, he watches out for her. They are very close.
The moments like this that your kids come out with restore my faith in humanity. Such beauty.
Sob.
Incredible. Beautiful. Profound.
And that’s just your children. The way you capture them in writing? Not sure I have words for that….
oh my goodness, well. I don’t know if you’ve been over to my place to read lately, but I wrote about the my boys and how they completely astound me with their twin-ness 🙂
as the mom of twins, I really do GET this, my sons have a bond beyond just brothers, they are closer than even I expected them to be.
I will have to go read!
Wow. I’ve always been amazed by the bond shared in the womb…how wonderful it is for you to be a witness to that every day?
Clearly that expert was a moron. This was so beautiful. This is what life is all about. Truly.
Oh, they look cute and happy together. I get jealous to have a baby like them too.
I am nearly crying this is so beautiful. They do no and I love the way you say, “make up the distance” for that is what they do. My minis are both going into the UCLA Early Intervention Program in April and Q will be a peer model and E will be our minis with special needs. Come April we will start to discuss what we do next year, after October, when they turn 3. Do we split them up, she goes somewhere where they can best help her needs and he can go somewhere where he can reach his full potential and they both end up somewhere where they soar. But, like you, I am so sad to think of breaking them up as they were together, playing with toes and fingers. I love the heart, A multi-colored heart, it’s just perfect. Big hugs to you mama as you send them off and big hugs to them for “making up the distance” so you don’t feel the space between. <3
Such a tough decision isn’t it. I was so sad to think of separating them when we first had to decide but, as I said, they proved me wrong. They are just as close as they’ve always been. Good luck in your decision!
I have no words, only happy tears.
xoxo
This is so fascinating to me – they have their own language! So fascinating… and so beautiful.
He handed her a heart swirled with color…
Oh my.
How amazing that they will always be home for each other. A house of love they carry with them.
With room enough for three.
Such a nice pic of you in the first one! They look so adorable! How old have been the babies, when the pic was shot?
Twins are so neat to me. I love hearing about their dynamics. I always wanted to have twins! So adorable those two are.
I have no words.
You are raising beautiful soulful children.
Xoxo
So so sweet. They are amazing little people with an amazing mom. xoxo
Wow – Jessica, my heart warmed and my eyes are filled with tears – what a beautiful moment.
Just so incredibly beautiful. Tears. What a blessing that they have each other. Always. XO
…of course I’m crying, and I wish Parker could hand hearts to both of his sisters before they left for…anywhere.
I have always heard that multiples share a special bond unlike any other. I think your beautiful kids just proved that. 🙂 So sweet!! You have raised such beautiful, kind children. This world needs more moms like you.
I had always heard that too but it is amazing to witness it firsthand. I always worried that as they got older, because they are different sexes, they would grow apart. I’m not so worried about that anymore :).
I’m a mess.
there are so many things I want to say to you right now but I’m weeping uncontrollably and my heart is full of love for your incredible children.
I have no words.
Thank you so much Leighann (sorry for the tears!).
As always, your words move me. Tears fill my eyes, but your words warm my heart. This is beautiful.
Astoundingly beautiful. Twins runs heavily in my family and I always thought I’d carry them myself. So far I haven’t but I can somewhat understand (but not firsthand) that deep connection. Really hope my sister has twins when it’s her turn!
I teared up reading this. You have raised such tender and loving children. I want this. I want my daughter to have this kind of heart.
Oh my heart Jessica, this is stunning. Your love, and your noticing – also stunning.
Such an adorable post. You look so cute on the photos! As a mom of three I totally know that children are the greatest things in life!
Wow – I have no words.
This brought tears to my eyes instantly. So, so, so, beautiful. My mom is a twin, but her brother didn’t make it home from the hospital. She has felt an empty spot her entire life. Twins are very magical.
Oh wow, that is so interesting to hear because I definitely see that with my daughter already. Although she is too young to understand, she seems like a little lost soul and I know she must feel something (someone) missing but not quite understand it yet.
This is so awesome, I have twins as well. They are often so in tune with one another & always thinking of the other. It’s amazing the way twins have such a special bond. God bless them!
Oh, I got chills from this! I imagine that special bond has been and always will be there. Miraculous really… xo
Oh my goodness, that just made me cry. Beautiful, Jessica. Simply beautiful.
You are a blessing to all of us Jessica. I pray for you to be surrounded and protected by God and all of his lovely angels every day.
Thank you so much Nancy.
You just made me cry. This is so amazing. They will always be with each other!
This is so beautiful. In think there are A LOT of things that experts don’t know about.
I think so too and honestly, I’m glad.
This… this is just… amazing. It makes my heart very full.
Ugh, just gorgeous.
What a beautiful moment to witness and that picture of them is simply adorable!
Kids are so much more compassionate and loving then we are. Why can’t we keep that as we grow older!?
I wonder the same thing, I wish they could hang onto that tender sweetness forever.
I have no words.
Beautiful, touching, and tender. Your post, you, and your children are all these things.
Sobs. Perfect.
AMAZING! Seriously fighting back the tears! I hope my girls find that closeness one day. Right now we are biting and pulling hair. I can’t wait for them to be the best of friends.
Oh mine still fight over everything but they always come back to loving each other to pieces.
that was beautiful. what tenderness there is between them. i love when i have an opportunity to hear and see a moment like that between my two youngest. melts my heart.
Oh my heart. So sweet, wonderful children. I’m a little jealous of that bond.
It’s funny because I always wanted to be a twin growing up, I love to see the bond that my kids have that began before they were even born.
Wow! Just Wow! “Feel you home” It is amazing the knowledge and heart they have.
I know, amazing when we underestimate just how sensitive our kids truly are.
did you just break down right then?
Because I did…
Pretty much, it is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once.