Since becoming a mom I may have…
picked up food off the floor and inadvertently put it in my mouth rather than throwing it away
accidentally drank from a sippy cup instead of my coffee mug
planned an outfit in my head only to come to my senses and realize I was envisioning clothes from my four year old’s closet
taken my eldest daughter’s medication instead of my vitamins WHILE BREASTFEEDING and then had to call the pharmacy in a panic to see if it was safe to still nurse (pretty sure the pharmacist was wondering WHY I took my daughter’s meds but I must have sounded
insane sleep-deprived enough for him not to ask).
realized my preschooler did not brush his teeth two seconds after I finally had everyone buckled into their seats and pulled out of the driveway anyway (sorry Mrs. Preschool Teacher, at least he’s not a close talker)
spent an ENTIRE doctor’s appointment with the sticky tab from a pack of disposable wipes IN MY HAIR without ANYONE telling me (this was recent, the embarrassment is fresh)
left Starbuck’s without my coffee, the gas station without closing my gas tank and the ATM without my card all in one errand-running trip
pretended not to smell the nose-burning stench in the air in hopes my husband thought he noticed it first and changed the poor kid
spot-cleaned my house with baby wipes
put a pacifier in my mouth (not the hold-the-handle-in-your-teeth way but the real way)
called my kids out of school because I had a serious case of I-have-no-desire-to-get-everyone-moving-this-morning
forgotten snack day, picture day, a snow day and encouraged the skipping of a pain-in-the-rear homework assignment
used words such as “butt” “poop” “butt crack” “toot” (need I go on?) in a song to stop a rapidly increasing meltdown cycle
spent WAY more time blogging, pinning, tweeting and facebooking than cooking, cleaning and darning socks
let my kids stay up late, have dessert too close to bedtime and passed out ten million extra hugs and kisses just because. This cancels out the rest of my screw-ups right?
Time to make me feel better… what’s your Mom Confession??
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I am laughing so hard over the sticky in your hair!! That’s perfectly me and makes me feel so much better.
Thinking mom says
If we’re still swimming in the pool after 6pm, they r still pretty clean by 10 so no need for shower/bath those nights right? Yep, I figured that. And when driving home and 2blocks away from ur house as ur kid’s eyes r just about to close but u know they will open right back up as they feel the car approach ur driveway, its ok to pretend ur not goin home, pass ur street & just keep driving around until u c in rear view mirror that the eyes r completely closed & mouth just slightly open…thats ok right? Thought so. And one should not disturb sleeping child (ruin mommy nap time) so u find the nearest sbux drive thru,park in their lot & use their WIFI to….what else? Blog, Facebook, pin, tweet, read, comment,etc..
Oh & finnnnallllllyyyy get a chance to listen to YOUR music!! (Who cares if u must use headphones.)
Missy | The Literal Mom says
Sometimes I don’t tell my child to stop picking her nose because I want to pick my battles instead of getting after her for picking her nose. 😉
Laughing out loud at this one. Thanks Missy, needed that this morning.
The Anecdotal Baby says
Ah, gotta love the mommy-moments and mommy-brain! I, too, have planned outfits only to realize I can’t breast feed well, or the heel is not practical… left my gas cap on top of the truck… and left! Hello $12 later for a new one. And why let perfectly good food go to waste? The 3 second rule applies around here. Blogging, pinning, tweeting, and facebooking help me get through some days! So glad I’m not alone in the crazy mommy moments.
Thanks for reminding me that motherhood lets us all be a little crazy. I’m using Mommy Brain as my excuse until I’m 90.
Barbara @ Footprints in France says
Yup, I have done a couple of these myself!
Kristin @ What She Said says
What is “darning socks?” Seriously. What, exactly, does darning a sock entail? This sounds extremely intricate and domesticated.
Which is probably why I have no idea what the hell it is.
Ha! I had to google it to make sure I included it appropriately in my post. It’s when you fix a hole in your sock. 🙂 And now we can darn together.
None of us is perfect. But you are pretty darn close in my book 🙂 Love this post and the sweet smiles on your children’s faces. That picture says it all to me.
Ah yes, I nodded along with us and chuckled too. We are moms and it comes with the territory.
Just so you know, I WOULD have told you about that diaper sticky tab in your hair.
SOOO glad to know I’m not the only one who has done that first one! HA HA HA!
Lol I took my 3 kids to the grocery store one day and they all started getting cranky. I quickly rang up everything at the self check-out, got to the van, packed up the groceries, THEN realized I never paid! When I came back into the store, they were getting ready to report it. Luckily, they were just really happy to see that I came back.
Brittany Stewart says
LOVE these. I have done so many of them too.
Motherhood makes up do all kind of things we never would have imagined.
My Inner Chick says
****picked up food off the floor and inadvertently put it in my mouth rather than throwing it away***
That sentence made me SMILE. 🙂
The last time I did that, I had eaten a toenail!
Yes, yes, yes! Motherhood is so wonderful…and so discombobulating.
Lisa Sanders says
I have gone through almost everything (apart from taking my daughter’s medication instead of my vitamins WHILE BREASTFEEDING and then had to call the pharmacy in a panic to see if it was safe to still nurse).
But you & I must agree that it is an amazing feeling to be a mother.
I’m guilty of all of the above and just recently, I have kept each one of my girls home from school a few days before their birthday to spend an entire day with me doing whatever they wanted with just me. They were the best hooky days ever and I plan on doing this every year now. Alone time is precious and if I can get it during the week when it is easier for me to focus on them and not the entire family, I’m going to take it. 🙂
Confession. I go in an snuggle the kids after they’re sleeping because I like them best that way. Quiet & happy 😉
I think I’ve done all of these…I’m glad you shared b/c I think we need to make other moms feel better! 🙂
It’s really not an easy job being a mother. 🙂 but what is important is you’re all the way there for your kids. Thanks for sharing this..
The Mommy Psychologist says
Mommy confessions is like my favorite game to play! We should all play it more often. Hmm…there are so many to choose from. How about today? Busy blocking out the world in the kitchen while my son was busy sticking his feet in a dirty toilet. And by dirty, I mean, filled with his poop/pee. I should mention he was telling me exactly what he was doing the whole time as I said completely checked out from the kitchen, “oh really..ok honey.”
Galit Breen says
Oh yes, that definitely candles out all of the rest!
Also? So been there for most of it. Le sigh. One day we’ll be “put together” again, right? Right?!
Love this fun post with the sweet-as-pie twist at the end, Jess!
If it makes you feel any better my husband and I started to drive off with the gas hose STILL IN THE CAR! And we didn’t even have kids yet!
Natalie @MamaTrack says
Love this. I’d say you are right on track!
Opened the car door, put my 5 year old in, shut the door, walked around to the other side of the car and got in…only to have my child say (with a confused look as he sat behind the steering wheel)…”mom, can I drive?”
Leaving the baby play in her crib so I can finish this comment. In my defense, she’s up there happy as a clam.
Oh I love this. Being a mother…
-leaving the little one (when she was a newborn) in the classroom with her older sister (the baby was not supposed to stay)
-sneaking chocolate and treats while the kids are in another part of the house because I don’t want to share
I’ve done several from your list as well. :o)
julie gardner says
I spent an afternoon at the park only to discover afterward that I had a strip of duct tape hanging off the seat of my sweatpants. None of the other mothers told me, so I assume they thought I’d taped my bottoms together. But no. I’d simply sat in some lame arts & crafts attempt.
Also, I was once so frazzled by motherhood, I ran out of gas TWICE in one day. The first time, I called my dad who brought me two gallons in a plastic container and warned me it wouldn’t last.
But damn, I had a lot of errands to run and two kids in car seats and I was already completely overwhelmed so I just continued on in denial until yep….I sputtered to a stop again on a street with no cell service.
Luckily, a woman jogged by who then ran home and called Triple A for me.
What kind of mom-fail is that?
I didn’t tell my husband for a month…
and my dad for probably a year.
lol. Oh, wow, where do I begin?!? I think I’ve done 95% of the things on your list and a lot more. My one confession that I’m willing to make today (and only today and on your blog because I REALLY like you): I have farted in a public place and have “blamed” it on my baby.
I have farted and blamed it on the baby. I have picked up the food from the floor and popped it in my mouth w/no problem (3 second rule PUHLEEZE!). I have worn the same pants three days straight, no shower in between, and didn’t bathe until I realized that that smell I couldn’t seem to find that seemed to be in every room actually was me.
So glad to find your blog! Super hilarious!
I’m glad I’m not the only crazy who spot cleans with baby wipes. The diaper thing..WHY cant men ever smell it first. Are women built with a stronger sniffer – seriously!
I may have done a few of these once or twice too. But that’s okay because we’re moms and I think that people will know that!
Now the darning socks… do people still do that?
The wipes tab in your hair? HAAAAAlarious!!!!!
I would have been embarrassed too. Your dr’s office totally needs some customer service training. They should “know” moms and help a momma out, geeze!!!! I think my biggest confession is I became a liar! I was never a liar before. I can pull it off now! Whatever works. If me saying the darn crayon was green is going to set off a complete meltdown, then I will say whatever color that darn child wants me to say with truth and excitement behind it!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Oh Saturday, I let each one of my children have 3 cupcakes each and moved a couch out in the garage so they could destroy it.
This all made them ridiculously happy and me too. 🙂
I can’t imagine cleaning my house without baby wipes. And I sometimes intentionally drink from the sippy cups because I’m too lazy to pour my own juice. Ouch.
How about wrapping your child in an extra t shirt in the store restroom, then putting clothes back on him/her in an attempt to makes-shift a diaper…then continue shopping as if nothing ever happened?
Spot cleaning the house with wipes is classic!
Mom On A Line says
Done all of those things, except the teeth brushing one is particularly embarrassing still as it was a couple of weeks ago, for my kindergarten, on dental hygienist day. Thankfully, she didn’t ask the kids if they’d brushed that morning!
But my biggest mommy confession would be faking burping in order to get my kids to give real smiles in photos. Works every time!
This: forgotten snack day, picture day, a snow day and encouraged the skipping of a pain-in-the-rear homework assignment
Oh, that’s SO me!
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I’m afraid you’re, what we normally refer to as, “normal”. Sorry about that! Hope that doesn’t make you suicidal.
Alicia D says
LMAO! Can I say, I’ve done most of these! The one I was most thrilled to see was that I’m not the ONLY ONE who accidentally took their child’s medication! I just did it last week. I have a disabled daughter who takes anti-convulsants for a seizure disorder and I had her mid-day dose in my hand along with my own drink. So as I was yappin’ away and drinking, suddenly w/o realizing what I was doing, i just popped her pill in my mouth and swallowed it! I also sent same disabled daughter to school without shoes on in the dead of winter and once called the police on myself when I thought a wild possum or psychotic person was in my garage when it was just (you guessed it) the same disabled daughter who had snuck in my garage. In the 90 degree summer heat. I almost got hauled away for that one.
So glad I’m not the only one with Mommy Brain!
I’ve done most of those. On a trip to the gas station last year, I left the debit card at home. I didn’t realize this until after I took the gas cap off. As we were pulling out of the parking lot to run back home, I realized I never screwed the gas cap back on or shut the door. My son was also bouncing around the backseat because I didn’t remind him to buckle up.
JDaniel4's Mom says
The things I haven’t done on this list will probaby happen in the next few years. Thank you for helping me feel normal.
Dude you should link this up to my Saturday confession meme…hint hint 😉 yea that was a shameless plug.
Linked up, thanks 🙂
Yes – all screw ups are cancelled out by hugs, kisses and more dessert.
This should make you feel better. I was so proud of myself the first time I took the twins grocery shopping after their little brother was born. I was congratulating myself as I pulled into the garage until I realized that I had forgotten all the groceries and my wallet. At least I remembered to bring the twins home. . .
This is awesome! I’ve only been at this mom thing for a year, but I’ve already had some moments I’m not proud of. Such as, dripping pizza sauce on my son’s face while he was nursing because he NEVER stopped nursing and I needed to eat. At least it wasn’t hot pizza sauce! And I still nurse him to sleep most nights because I just want him to go the EFF to sleep.
Jill @ Mommy Inconsistent says
I left a friend’s house (who also has mommy brain so she didn’t notice) with my ski vest turned inside out. Didn’t notice it until about 4-5 blocks away when I saw myself in a store window. I actually thought it was the most hilarious “mom” moment. Oh, and I’ve done most of what you’ve done as well…my house was cleaned by baby wipes for quite some time. Great post!
what haven’t I done?!! Forgot to pick my daughter up from gymnastics. Forgot to pack a drink, fork, spoon, whatever in their lunch. Let a child “forget” their homework folder just because I was tired of the fight and didn’t want to hear anything from the teacher. Let a child sleep in my bed for the night because I was tired…just so tired!!! See, you’re not the only one! 🙂
Sarah @ Spoon Fed Baby says
I am only 7 months into this mommy gig, but my most recent one was totally forgetting to take my son in for his 2nd flu shot. It was on my calendar AND they called me the day before to remind me. When did I remember the 8:00am appt? Noon. Oh well.
Not a Perfect Mom says
just about all of those…but I would never keep them all home…no way!
and on Friday as I was leaving Brooke’s OT someone came up to me and said, I don’t want to embarrass you but your shirt and pants are inside out…yup, both of them…
Yay you, I’ve done inside out AND backwards shirt but not the pants too.