Parker has decided he wants to become a super hero. Donning a cape or a sword or boots when it’s 90 degrees, he searches for his next super power.
Feeling sufficiently swallow up, rolled in mud and injured by inch-tall army men during life as a boy mom, I’ve thought of a few new super heroes the comic books must have forgotten to add to their collection that would allow my son to jump right into the story, ready to protect the planet… sort of.
Dirt Magnet– He can find dirt, mud, dead bugs, tree branches and dog poop, shampoo himself in it then proceed to walk right back inside the house as if he does not smell like yesterday’s garbage or have half a forrest on the bottom of his feet, denying the need for a bath as if I just asked him to walk through a ring of fire, or sit still for 30 seconds.
Energizer Bunny– Is Bunny to feminine? Maybe Wolf? Tazmanian Devil? Anyway, the kid does not stop from the moment his eyeballs see light. Blurring past, heading from backyard to frontyard to back again, pausing to grab Buzz Lightyear or a costume change, I stand by for pit stops with a spoonful of peanut butter at the ready, recharging him for his next mission yet allowing him to avoid sitting down for a meal for fear the earth may stop spinning. Withstanding sleep like no other, his bedroom sounds like a frat party of one until he ultimately drops, crashing at the end of the bed, in his galant armor of saggy-butt Mickey Mouse underwear.
Sharp Shooter– Or possible Not Sharp Shooter. Apparently little boys pee horizontally, vertically, diagonally, pretty much any direction, 5 feet high, but never, never into the toilet. In his short peeing-standing-up career, he has managed to christen every object in our bathroom, leaving an distinct yet eye-watering outhouse aroma that turpentine could not dissolve.
Furniture Destroyer– Give him 5 seconds and he’s removed every cushion, scaled the back of the couch, roped it to a chair and is using the mini-blinds as a light saber. Before the Cheerios hit the bowl our house looks like an episode of Fear Factor but your safety is never in danger, if you happen to trip on a matchbox car/lego/almost-life-sized-firetruck, there is forever a couch cushion at your feet.
And of course…
Heart Melter– With one skinny-armed, wrap around my neck hug, one “Mommy you’re the bestest,” one sticky kiss on my makeup-bare cheek, he can erase every other super power, removing the battlefield from my mind and leaving me with nothing but pure little boy sweetness. Because he is perfect for this job and is teaching me to secure my cape and fly through the air, in mine.
It’s what Wonder Woman would do, if only her unitard came with an expandable waist.
What would your child’s super power be?
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Oh yes, such is the beauty and fun and mess and melt of little boys.
(Seriously, who knew?!)
Heart Melter is my favorite, but I can identity with all the others too. I think Lucas’ super power is Master Negotiator. “Five more minutes, Mom!” is heard a lot around here.
That is so funny, I can’t believe he is negotiating already. You are in big trouble for the future! I don’t think any of mine learned to negotiate that young.
Well, for Andrew the list could be endless. King of Tractors….. because they are his favorite thing in the entire world. Keeper of the Bunnies…. well we have a ton of them living in our backyard and he has to watch over them from the back door every day.
I think that those are a pretty good start!
Each superhero story begins with the character as a child and your superhero is so cute. I’m glad i read this post today. Thanks for sharing this with us and i’m looking forward to read more from you.
This is so cute post! I think every mother will be so proud of him and we would just love to kiss them so much for their cuteness!
He is so cute. He’s really your cute little superhero.
This is so true. Especially the aim issue. OMG, it’s driving me crazy. Sitting down is worse than standing up.
What a cutie.
This post made me smile. Adorable.
This is definitely so cute I think every parent would be so proud of him.. I just love how kids are sometimes being so creative now…
My kid superhero that I would create would be the “Butt Wiper.” His power would be the ability to successfully wipe all butts by himself.
I’m so thrilled to know that I’m not he only one with a bathroom that perpetually smells of pee…I swear, nothing I do keeps the smell out…
My joke answer would be Bottomless Pitters because my kids can EAT.
Like, EAAAAAAAATTTTTTT.
But in all seriousness, what I love about them at the age they are right now (almost 15 and almost 13) is their ability to Get Over It.
Whatever is bothering them or plaguing our relationship or making them angry, teary-eyed, frustrated…
…give them a minute (or an hour) and they are right back to their giggly, happy, loving selves.
They are Anti-Grudgers extraordinaire.
Thankfully. Because I mess up a lot.
Okay, what is it with these not-so Sharp Shooters? My bathroom always has that smell, no matter how much I scrub it. Is it too hard to actually make it INTO the toilet? Jeez!
He’s adorable!!
Man, I should be a superhero, I could totally rock a cape. Or maybe not bother with any of those whole having to save people hassle and just start wearing a cape.
Elijah would be your classic super hero. Josh would be an empath.
He has so many super powers! What talents! My guy has the power to give hugs at just the right time.
OH this is so true.
I love the pee part.
I don’t understand why…why must it be everywhere aside from IN the toilet.
Not kidding… the picture I have handing WAY above our toilet had pee on it, inside the frame! It had to go, obviously.
Your son is so cute and adorable. He is perfect to become a superhero.
Dang he is cute.
As a mom to only boys I have to agree. Where does all the dirt come from. Although, one “I love you Mommy” is enough to melt my heart every.single.time!
You made me laugh over Sharp Shooter, which seems to be a common power among boys. The bad news is that even grown up men shows signs of that power.
Oooh, mine were born noise-makers too.
My little dude’s superpower would be telekinesis. Because he really thinks that thinking about cleaning his room is the same as cleaning his room. Telekinesis would serve him well.
You’re such a sucker! That “Mommy you’re the bestest” line worked on my Mom too. In fact, I still use it! It never gets old.
m.
p.s. I know that I owe you a response to your email. I’m struggling to get back to “life” but it’s just not happening. mark
Totally fine. Can I just reserve you for some time in August?
I think mine could pull off any of those. (Boys!) Since he was small we’ve called him Destructo-Baby, because he certainly is a destroyer.
Mine too, Parker can take about just about anything.
Love this! I am in awe at the differences between my two in terms of how “busy” Dylan is compared to Abbey.
Also, D would LOVE that sword. He is pirate obsessed lately.
Maybe they can berry-pick with swords.
Puddle Finder 🙂
Ooh, mine just did that yesterday. They were soaked before we made it to the van.
Boys are so much fun! Growing up with just me and my sis, I love getting a taste of the rough and tumble side! DMan is the Super-Everlasting-Baseball Playing Boy. This kid is a machine at playing baseball non-stop all day long. As soon as school’s out, I’m going to have to take lessons myself…he’s saying, “you’re getting better, Mom. just keep practicing…”
Jordan is definitely the Super-Bottomless-Pit-Eating Girl. This girl is constantly hungry, and who knows where she puts it all!
Fun post!!
My girls are definitely eaters too and my boys haven’t hit the serious about sports age yet. We’ll see what happens as they get older.
my son is mr. overfeeler – getting upset when ANYTHING may feel sad {i.e. homework pages that wouldn’t wish to be thrown away, and the like…}
my daughter is ms. get-out-of-everything: if you ask her to pick up, she’s too tired. sleep she’s too thirsty…only thing she doesn’t try to get out of? shopping 🙂
love. love. love that picture. too cute!!
My daughter can come up with an excuse for anything too. We always joke that if we want to minutes to ourselves all we have to do is ask her to do something because she disappears.
Aw, I love this, especially Heart Melter.
I think Sam’s super power would be MUSIC MAN! That boy can make music out of any surface or just his own body.
Noah would probably be the THE HUMAN TORNADO! Much like your son’s furniture destroyer persona except expanded to include the entire house.
Oh mine can cover the whole house too. There are sword holes in our screens and he likes to dismantle the holders for our toilet paper. Why? No idea.
I think I have every single one of those super power kids living at my house! I am constantly telling my kids that its a good thing I love them!
Yep and it’s a good thing they’re cute too!
My boys are also the roughest ruffians! There is no better guarantee of injury and weeping than the immediately preceeding statement “We’re not fighting! This is fun! Yes we are being careful!”
You must be in my house! It’s the same here, two minutes after laughter and wrestling there are tears.
Dirt Magnet and Sharp Shooter had me cracking up! I don’t have little boys but my nephew has taught me about the potty mishaps and my friend’s son is only happy if he is covered head to toe in filth. He actually leaves a ring around the tub! This was great!!
As for my oldest daughter, I would call her SASS-afrass! She is the queen of throwing sass now that she has become a teen. As for my youngest, I would call her CRAFT-O-NATER! She is obsessed with crafts while her sister and I want nothing to do with them.
So funny how different each of our kids can be isn’t it? I have two girls full of sass, hopefully one of them is into crafts (minus the glitter). 🙂
Heart melter, heart owner, heart breakers: I love my 3.
This morning, I was challenged to a fake boxing match.
I mean: WHO has more fun than me? No one. xo
Oh yes! I can second ALL of these. The pee smell is atrocious and I’ve found nothing to combat it. It is like it’s on force.
So it’s not just us? We cannot get it out of our bathrooms. It’s like having 20 pets!
Oh, little boys… I think they have training in utero to be dirt magnets. But there is nothing like a sweaty, muddy little boy hug. Nice sword!
Absolutely nothing like it, I had no idea I could love being a boy mom this much.
Hah such a serious (seriously cute!) superhero!!