I have always had a terrible sense of direction.
Not like oops I turned right, let me loop around the block and go left more like, oops there’s the Welcome to Ohio sign, now how did that get north of Michigan?
So college was a challenge.
Being thrust out into a world of big buildings and lots of people, none of whom were waving a “turn this way Jessica” sign was enough to leave me drawing circles with my highlighter in a corner.
Every new semester I would ultimately locate my classes and upon leaving have no clue how to find my way out of the building or to the place my car was parked. So I adopted a “follow the masses” policy. I decided that if everyone was turning right I would turn right too because they were bound to be leading the way towards an exit. Genius, I know. And yes, if everyone jumped off a bridge I probably would have done so too, assuming my car was parked down there somewhere.
Which leads me to the moment burned into my memory as the worst first day of school ever.
My first day of Winter semester at college* was a crazy, snowy, freezing, Michigan winter day and I was doing my usual “follow the masses” technique to find my way out of a brand new and confusing-to-the-directionally-challenged parking structure. I was looking down to avoid the wind whipping at my face and must have stepped a few feet off the path of “the masses.”
Suddenly I was struck over the head with something and all I could see out of the corner of my eye was something yellow and maybe with a reflector of some sort. I looked straight ahead to see that I was, in fact, facing a stream of cars heading into the parking structure and I was also, in fact, being beaten over the head with the parking arm that goes up and down to let people in to park.
No one really knew what to do with me. I could see it in their faces. Do they get out and help the girl who somehow got into college with such minimal skills that she would walk UNDER a parking arm as it was coming down? Do they let her be? And then “oh no, the girl’s coat is stuck ON the parking arm and there she goes up in the air with the arm.”
I’m not sure how far off the ground I was lifted or if my stupidity just left me feeling as if I was levitating but hitting the ground was not pleasant. And also my cute jeans were now dirty.
I got up, righted myself and, dizzied by my parking structure beating, followed the masses down the snowy sidewalk, hoping they would lead me to my first class of the semester that would not contain a single person who had been waiting in line to get into that parking structure.
*Just a little note to my alma mater if you are reading… please do not revoke my degree. I swear my book smarts far outweigh my street smarts.
If only I had this helmet in those days. And a crayon sword to fight off parking garage arms.
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This makes me love you even more. I’m laughing and wishing I was there to either help you, or point and laugh. After checking if you’re okay, of course.
I wish you could have been there too, it would have been much easier to laugh at myself if there were someone there to do it with.
Oh my goodness that is so funny! Obviously not at the time, but what a great story you have now!
And I do think we all need crayon swords. Love that.
One of my favorite stories of you. Not sure who has more of these goods stories, you or Ashlyn. Maybe a tie.
Oh, hun… I’m right there with you. One of my recurring dreams (nightmares) STILL consists of me trying to navigate my way around large universities and getting lost in the process.
It’s good to revisit these memories (both good and bad) because they give us a glimpse into the real YOU. And the real you is beautiful and human. Plus, I love a gal who can laugh at herself. You are a-okay in my book, love 🙂 Also, as much as it might pain you to relive this, it leaves an awesome visual for the reader.
I once managed to do one of those bob-and-weave maneuvres with someone in an outdoor mall (you know, where you come face-to-face and can’t decide to go left or right)… except we were the ONLY two people in the area (save for my friend, who saw the whole thing unfold, was holding her sides from laughter, and then said “only you.”)
XOXO
Haha. When my best friend and I were touring a college, she ran straight into a “Pedestrian Crossing” sign because she was distracted by a cute tour leader. Thanks for a good laugh!
I laughed throughout the entire post because I was so that person. When I was 15 I made my first solo trip on a plane to Washington D.C. for a Youth Conference. I’d never been on a plane (or even to an airport at that), and my dad gave me the “follow the masses” advice about finding baggage claim. I did that. And got so turned around and so lost that it wasn’t even funny. Needless to say it took me 45 minutes to find my luggage. And I ditched the masses idea next go around. 🙂
I have a horrible sense of direction, but that is impressively embarrassing! My husband marvels that I will need directions to get to places I have been to before. My most embarrassing school moment was in high school when I fell down a flight of stairs in the library in front of an entire hushed room.
This is the kind of stuff you just can’t make up. Seriously. And I went to college at a University here in Michigan too, so I was totally picturing the parking structure in the freezing winter and how everyone keeps their head down and then BOOM. Jessica stuck on the parking arm.
Oh girl. I needed that giggle.
It’s probably better that we didn’t go to college together, you would have disowned me as a friend because of my embarrassing behavior. 🙂 I also one got my head and arm stuck out the window of my car when I was putting my student card in the machine to pay for parking. Somehow I had leaned on the auto window button and it went up. I’m very coordinated.
This visual is going to make me happy all day long. Thank you for getting stuck on that thing…it really is paying off for the blog. 😉
And I SO would have done something like that!
No problem, I think I do these things on a regular basis just to give other people something to laugh about.
I shouldn’t laugh. But I did a little. I also squirmed b/c this sounds like exactly the thing that would happen to me.
So awesomely hilarious.
I have to say that I’m pretty fortunate to have been born with a good sense of direction. I’ve never been more thankful of that than after reading this story though. 🙂
This totally sounds like something I would do.
You came up OFF the ground? Seriously??? 🙂
Ohmygoodness Jess, that’s just too funny!
{I have a horrid sense of direction, too!}
Thanks a lot for sharing this awesome story to us…I really enjoy it..
Hi Jessica,
I am visiting from mama Kat’s but have no idea if I am in the right place. I just read “Hadley’s Story”
Wow! I do not know what to say, I have had a NICU baby, one who had spesis too, please know that Hadley’s Story has touched me.
Thank you so much, just found your blog today too. Amazing what our little babies go through isn’t it? I will have to come back to your blog and read more of your story.
Terribly sorry, but I’m totally laughing. That’s an awesome story.
I passed out drunk at one of my high school football games and the ambulance came and took me away with the whole school watching….
Oh my gosh that is terrible! I can only imagine how long the whole high school was talking about that one. Did you get in trouble with the school?
I got 3 days out of school suspension and I was able to make up all of my work. Since I’d never gotten so much as a lunch detention before the principal went easy on me, I should of had 5 days suspension, not able to make up my work, and banned from Prom and all that kind of stuff….but I was a good kid, so it was more like a vacation than anything else…and my parents let me slide too since I’d never done anything like that before. The rumors at school were crazy though…like I overdosed, I was addicted to diet pills, all sorts of stuff, but it cleared up soon…and for the rest of the school year the principal called me Chugs
Oh, I think I love you a little more now. That’s what good friends are for…holding our hand when we get lost in the crowd. XO
That is a great story. If it makes you feel better I farted in the middle of my first year English class. During a quiz. Which meant that it was silent. Silent enough that all 100 or so of my fellow freshman heard the cheese being cut. Oops.
Oh my gosh I am laughing out loud at this, so hilarious. I’m feeling better by the minute.
We had an area in my HS called The Commons. It was a big area with large area steps (meaning each level was wide. Anyway, there were steps. On my first day of sophomore year I decide to wear a really long skirt and guess who tripped and fell on her face in the middle of The Commons in front of lots of people? I never wore that skirt to school again.
I have to say picturing you hanging by your coat on the parking garage arm thingy is pretty funny. We can laugh it up together… 😉 xo
Oh that is so funny. I was always the one that these things happened too. I still am, maybe that’s why I don’t venture out that often. I’m scarred for life.
I’m sitting here LOL. Sorry for your “situation”, but am so thankful you shared–made my afternoon. Also, good move with the not to your mater, highlighting your book smarts 😉
Exactly. I had to remind everyone that yes I was able to get a degree even after doing something like this.
I love this. I feel so connected to you now. 🙂 I don’t like friends who have it all together.
Oh my gosh I SO do not have it all together. I actually have story after story like this. Maybe I should make it a weekly feature to embarrass myself and make everyone else feel better.
It was fun to see your prompt for Writer’s Workshop this week! I have run into a stop sign (as I was walking, not driving) and fallen off the step during my step aerobics class. I’ve never pretended to be graceful!
Oh you just reminded me of the time I fell right off the end of a treadmill. And walking into a stop sign? How does that happen? I can only imagine how embarrassed you were.
You know… I always wondered if a person could get lifted off the ground by one of those things. Thanks… now I know.
Happy, sort of, to have answered that question for you.
I loved this prompt! I chose it too 🙂 And you are not alone in the whole sense of direction thing. It took me about two weeks just to find my dorm room by myself.
Yep, that would be me too. I’m lucky I make it anywhere, my sense of direction usually tells me to go the opposite of the way I should.
Once while at an American training session for work I was being mercilessly teased for being a Canadian, by some horrible man/boy. Seems to me we are really quite the same on a lot of levels, so I found it particularly obnoxious. While sitting around a table for drinks afterwards, I had had enough, and thought I would show how ridiculous he was being. I turned looked him strait in the eye and said “You’re right. All us Canadians spend our days tracking moose, feeding our sled dogs, repairing our igloos and shaving our beaver pelts”…yes I said beaver pelts… conversation stopped, eyes widened and laughter was explosive. The other Canadian I was traveling with was super quick to pipe up with a a loud “that is not true!” . I was mortified. That whole trip I was teased. Turns out that the euphemism for beaver is something else Canadians and Americans have in common. Oy.
Oh that is funny, love that it was a time when you were sticking up for yourself and then ended up being embarrassed instead. Glad it’s not just me!
It actually lifted you off the ground??
Yes it did Jim. Are you trying to make me relive it one. more. time? It sort of lodged itself under the collar of my coat and took me with it, I didn’t go very high though, just a few inches. Off to more therapy…
I’m terrified of birds, even tiny little ones.
That sounds exactly like something I would do. I am seriously directionally challenged as well, and know intimately the “follow the masses” plan of getting out of those huge buildings or to my car. I was lucky that I lived on campus my entire undergrad, so I never had to move my car, just find the bus stop.
Bahaha–“if my car was parked down there somewhere”.
And I thought following the masses was my own, unique, not so smart strategy. I’m glad it’s not just me and if we ever get the chance to meet we will have to make sure someone else is around so that we can follow them.
Oh no!!! I am so sorry, I laughed so hard, but I can feel your pain! I have done some pretty embarrassing things myself… probably the most embarrassing would be in high school when I was with a group of friends and we went out to a fast food restaurant. I was wearing a long skirt. I never wear skirts. I went to the bathroom, came out, walked all the way over to my table past 90% of the restaurant back to my table. Once there a friend kindly pointed out that my skirt was tucked all the way up in my undies in the back. MORTIFYING for anyone, but especially a 16 year old.
Oh this happened when you were 16? That’s the worst, I’m sure it has been impossible to forget.
I’m glad you’re telling this at a point where it’s OK to laugh with you – because I’d have felt terrible laughing AT you but I can’t help laughing. Also, this sounds exactly like something I would do.
Yep, feel free to laugh at me/with me. I’ve done so many things like this. My family actually calls them “Jessica Stories.” I guess I have a reputation for embarrassing myself.
and we have many, many Jessica stories…<3
OK, as I was reading I thought you were going to say you stumbled off the curb or something. Just the visual is cracking me up! When I burst out laughing, I don’t think my coworkers were prepared (they are never prepared for me to be me, it seems).
So. I was in my early 20s working in a law firm. I was stopped in the hall on the way to the restroom by one of the bigwigs who asked if I could show him where the conference room was. I walked him to the door and as I reached to open it (a glass paneled door to a glass paneled room!) my sanitary napkin fell out from between the papers I was holding (I didn’t have pockets and hadn’t yet learned to either carry a cute, small bag for that purpose, or take my whole purse). It fell AND SLID ACROSS THE FLOOR UNDER THE TABLE AND LANDED AGAINST SOME MAN’S SHOE.
Oh my gosh that is the worst! And I can’t believe you were carrying it between your papers. Who does that? You I guess :). So did time completely stop when you were crawling to get it?
I don’t know! I was young and very silly and was used to either carrying them in my pocket or the sleeve of my sweater. It slid under the table, I stopped breathing, the man whose foot it hit was oblivious, but the man beside me turned bright red and moved quickly away. The woman beside the man with a pad by his shoe quickly swiped it with her foot, put it in her purse and shifted her eyes to the bathroom. Since the meeting hadn’t yet officially started, she excused herself. She came in, handed it to me, and said, “Work on your discretion.” I was prepared, I think, for her to say motherly, womanly, soothing words. But that? That has stuck with me and her voice comes back every now and then when I do something I think could have been better thought out.
Put them in the bra! You stick it in there and it can’t fall out.
Oh my gosh, I didn’t see what comment this was linked to right away and I was thinking… put your kids lunch in your bra? What? I guess that would save on lunchboxes.
That was a great laugh this morning. Too funny. I’ll just leave it at that.
I don’t know if I can beat this. I’m absolutely laughing. Partially it’s because I was a little like that, determined to look like I knew where I was going but not knowing at all.
That’s exactly it, I always tried to look like I knew what I was doing. I still do. I’m not sure if people see through the front or not.
oh my goodness– that is a great story. I have zero sense of direction as well. It’s a wonder I show up anywhere.
You should have seen me at BlogHer, thank goodness my roommate was a New Yorker, I would have been overwhelmed in my hotel room the entire time.
I’m sorry…but this is really funny. I know it was probably horrible when it was happening…but it’s funny now. What a great story you have! And I would have helped you…I may have laughed while doing it, but I would have helped you.
Oh you can laugh, feel free. I laugh when I think about it now. Then I was wondering how I even qualified to get into college but now I can laugh at it.
That sounds rough! If it makes you feel better a colleague of mine just recently got hit in the head with the same type of arm in our company’s parking area. It happens. I do remember the time I fell at the football stadium in college and literally rolled down the ramp for what seemed forever. My friends still don’t let me live that one down.
I’m totally laughing at the vision of you rolling down the ramp. How do these things happen to us?
I’ve been beaten up before by one of those clearly dangerous parking structure thingies!!
You have?? I thought I was the only one. I’m feeling much better now :).
wow…what a crappy first day of school! I completely relate to being directionallly challenged in EXACTLY the way you describe. I still get lost in the mall. If I do manage to remember I walked in through JcPenney’s I don’t remember HOW to get back to the store.