Bounce

When you lose balance, the body’s natural reaction is to take a step forward to stay upright or put your hands out to catch yourself or just to remember to get back up again.

I tend to do none of these. While I’m falling, I turn inwards to think about it, wondering what made me fall and how long it will take and if it’s going to hurt less or more than the last time.

My reflex to brace myself and push disappeared but I think it’s coming back. I am fighting the urge to sink and avoiding the head-first-to-the-concrete dive I normally perform with ease during the holidays.

I’m shopping and I ordered our Christmas cards before Easter and I’m smiling real smiles not just because someone else needs to see them.

And when I start going down I reach for little hands and sink into play rather than tears.

We’ve had good, fun stuff going on around here. I’ve only had to steam clean the carpet once and I don’t advise cartwheels when you’re over thirty. I’m letting the messes fly and the giggles seep in.

I’m untangling myself from expectations of where I should be or how I should feel and I’m not tripping all over life. It’s still clumsy and awkward but it’s so much nicer to be standing than nursing scraped knees from the ground.

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Make your own bounce house

(there is no easy way to capture this is photos, especially when you’re me, just follow my semi-directions and try it)

1. Choose a fitted sheet one size larger that the mattress you plan to use.

2. Place a fan at the end of the bed, inflating the area between the bed and the large fitted sheet you’ve placed over top of it.

3. Let the fan inflate the area between the two sheets.

4. Fall. Get up. Fall again. Get back up again.

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