She ran past, princess dress flying, to announce that “this is going to be the best tomorrow ever.”
I exhaled breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.
My faith in Tomorrow has been shattered, the pieces left for me to place back together, but my daughter’s is holding strong.
Tomorrow is as certain for her as it was for me just days ago.
Since news of the Connecticut shooting I have walked on eggshells and swallowed tears with the rest of the country.
I have wished I was back home the minute I pulled out of my driveway, I have doubled checked locked doors and searched for milk in the refrigerator that I had put on the counter two seconds before.
My husband and I have left news shows for after the kids are in bed, allowed one more cupcake and two more bedtime stories and doled out hugs and I love you’s until the little ones wiped them off and the teenager rolled her eyes.
My oldest can’t wait to wear her new coat to school, my son is excited to bring snack, my daughter is planning the Barbie concert of the century and we are holding our breaths.
Concentrating on the small picture is all the we can manage because the bigger one is too much.
I’m worried about watching the bus pull away and the last wave at preschool drop off and acutely aware of the parents out there with no bus to watch and wounds so fresh they are numb.
As my daughter gives me my ticket for tomorrow, I realize how important her instructions for holding it tight truly are.
I hang onto her promise, making sure not to fold it or leave it unclaimed, and watch her practice for the hundredth time,
hoping her faith in Tomorrow is as contagious as her five year-old giggle.
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I don’t think I’ve quite been the same since the Sandyhook shootings. It is such a crazy time to be a parent, educator and American citizen right now. I’m one of the most hopeful people I know, but it’s scary out there and my senses are all heighten and I’m more worried about Lucas’ safety than ever before.
Lady Jennie says
I traditionally have such a problem with tomorrows that I don’t even want to start a retirement account, assuming I won’t be there, but there is this Scripture (if you don’t mind me saying it) that says, “A righteous man has no fear of bad news.” I don’t think that bad stuff only happens to people who are not righteous – very far from it! – but it does give me hope in the tomorrows. It’s a solid reminder for me to not always expect bad news.
Elaine A. says
I’m cherishing all the little things too. So, SO very sorry for those parents who won’t have those moments anymore. It’s just heartbreaking.
Beautiful post and reminders, Jessica. Hugs from one Momma to another…
Sisters from Another Mister says
Tas has been in school for one month … just one … and now it is all I can do to not just leave her sleeping head right where it is – safe in her bed xxx
Kathy at kissing the frog says
This is beautifully stated, Jessica. Oh to have a child’s innocence again and not know what we know. I resolve, though, to never stop looking for the silver lining – if only for them.
Trying to hope and believe in tomorrow right along with you. Still hoping this is a nightmare and we can all wake up soon. Sending hugs and hope. Take care.
I still believe in good – how can I not through the eyes of these children. But this is so hard. xo
Yes, exactly this.
My Inner Chick says
Evil entered our schools on Friday. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
I work at an Elementary School. As I enter today, I’ll be giving several hugs.
Hugs to you, as well, dear.
We have to believe in that, right? In the good and the beauty they see. Hugs and strength.
It’s so difficult to know what to do…what to say. How do you explain the evil that unfolded? How do you help them understand when you, yourself don’t? I have to ignore the fears of tomorrow and hope with the giggles of your daughter. I love what you said about “concentrating on the small picture because the big one is too much to manage”. So true. So very true.
I am dreading school drop off tomorrow. My sophomore is starting his midterms. My middle is celebrating with parties, but the one I’m struggling most with is the baby. She’s in first grade and this is literally rocked me to my core.
I am so very thankful her school has requested PTA Volunteers for a reward party tomorrow. I plan on being there for as long as I can just to be that much closer.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. says
Beautiful. This is so hard to write about- thanks for a thoughtful post.
I share your daughter’s faith in tomorrow, it’s all we can do.
I held my breath through all of Sunday School today. Having them away from me was so hard. Letting them go to school tomorrow seems impossible.