My husband has an insane amount of patience. He always has.
When we met, I thought this an amazing quality. What a great husband and father he would be, I told my starry-eyed self.
I was right. Now that he is a dad he has patience abound.
Mr. Patience and crew
He comes home from work, happy to let the kids have one more story, one more glass of milk, ten more minutes outside, three bazillion more episodes of Dora.
Me, not so much.
There is a chance my patience has a time limit. I start every week ready to cheer them on as they brush their teeth for an hour, put on socks in the amount of time it takes me to unload and load the dishwasher and ask everyone, to do every task, at least ten million times before it is completed.
But by Tuesday Friday my patience reserve is depleted and when I see my husband cheerfully come home from work, ready to let the day stretch on and on, instead of counting the minutes to bedtime, wine opener in hand, I have to admit I am a bit annoyed envious.
Where does this never-ending patience come from and why has it not yet rubbed off on me?
I think I have found an answer to my question.
It’s the car ride.
One glorious hour in a car, all by himself, listening to whatever he wants on the radio and maybe even talking on the phone without anyone screaming/screeching/squealing/crying/yodeling in the background.
So I have a proposal, I would like to make an addendum to my stay-at-home mom contract.
Everyday, at the end of my work day* I would like a drive home.
Nevermind that I am already there.
I will drive mindlessly in circles, all by myself, until my sanity comes back and then return to my place of employment, refreshed and ready to watch Dora until the dvd player goes up in flames.
Now who initials my contract changes? Do they need to be able to make a capital letter?
Anyone? Anyone?
If you could add one “benefit” to your mom contract what would it be?
*I really am not sure when the end of my “work day” is. Is there such a thing? This may be a glitch in my plan.
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I’m SO excited to be sharing my top 10 most favorite things about having a teen with autism with Scary Mommy (yes, thee Scary Mommy)! Would love for you to visit me there.
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I love this! I could go for a drive home at the end of everyday too. As long as I can blare my radio (if I wanted) and sing along badly to pop songs. 🙂
And only green lights, please.
Assuming he doesn’t have to commute home in traffic. That’s anything but fun.
Wait, our mom contracts are negotiable? I have So. Many. Things.
The drive home amendment is genius! Driving has always been one of my favorite things. When I’m alone, blasting music, cruising along……
One can always dream….
I take 20 minutes at the end of the day (however late that may be when all are in bed) on the computer, and still -despite me doing this every single day – my husband always tries to talk to me. I don’t even answer and then he says, “oh right, your end-of-the-day-20-minutes… ok….” but really, i think we all need a little bit of time to just zone out!
No No No No No! As a dad with an hour commute in heavy traffic each way. All I want to do when I pull into my parking space is scream. It is by far and away the most frustrating patience eating part of my typical day.
I want “time to work” to mean either the hubs takes the kids out or I leave. Though he tries his best to keep them entertained, it’s inevitable that one of them ends up by my desk. Talking and talking and talking 🙂
I was seriously just thinking about this. My husband has an hour and a half, every single day, ALONE, in the car. I want it, too.
Ha, I love it. Except I did have the car ride home and still had little patience. I think patience is just sadly a virtue I will never truly have!
That is true, if you still have the car ride and end up without patience than you’re out of luck.
Perhaps you could institute a break time into your day? Work your way up to an hour each day when the kids occupy themselves quietly and you are off limits (unless it is an emergency). I used to give myself reading time, because reading truly gave my mind a break. Just taking that hour in the afternoon gave me the energy and patience I needed for the evening.
Unfortunately I haven’t got any experiences in working from home contracts, I thought that these kind of jobs are always based on trust or something like that. Btw hubbies are always more patient than us; and this is the right was things should be…
Love this post – I LOLed. I sometimes have trouble making it to Tues-I mean FRIday and find patience very annoy- I mean endearing! Exercising became that car ride for me. I use the excuse that it’s the children’s activities that we are going to (swimming lessons or gymnastics or rock climbing) and while they are busy learning I put in my earbuds and listen to all the dirty, rated E for explicit songs I want to. They can’t listen to eminem, but I can! It has become such a necessary part of my sanity that I will get up early to run or swim if there aren’t any lessons in a day.
I need to put more effort into working exercise in my day. I feel so much better when I do. Glad you’ve found the balance!
Yes! I have thought the exact same thing. And I’m laughing over teeth-brushing taking an hour and you reference to the wine-opener in hand 😉 Loved this.
Glad it’s not just me. I’m not even sure what the inside of a quiet vehicle is like.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said this to my husband. That time can be very soothing!
We need to start a petition.
My husband has a ton of patience too and you’re right–it is the car ride! B/c whenever I just get to drive to the grocery store ALL BY MYSELF I feel renewed. And I drive slower than I need to. Shhh…
Driving under the speed limit is perfect acceptable if you are by yourself.
I just want someone to tidy. I will happy clean, do laundry, cook, be patient, all of it…. If someone ELSE will just follow my husband and kids around and pick things up and put them away. Right now I’m staring at a pile of squash racquets in the middle of my family room that shouldn’t be here. If I don’t put them away, no one ever will. Why is this always the way?
My house is the exact same way. Everyone here can walk right OVER the stuff that they leave on the floor and never give a thought to picking it up.
I would love to have a 45 min commute with no stress. My commute always makes me annoyed and stressed before getting home! Sometimes not even the radio or the phone can help. To be fair I live in one of the worst areas for traffic.
I would add to my mommy contract a bathroom cleaner. I can manage the laundry, dishes and whatnot, but I would love for someone to scrub my bathtub. 🙂
Ooooh, I want a bathroom cleaner too, especially with two little boys. Ugh.
I want the cleaner / laundry putter-awayer as well. Every Mum should have this in her contract.
yes, yes yes!!! I truly believe that people that work from home, including stay at home mom’s (because they probably work harder than anyone) deserve the “drive home”. It chases away the ‘crazy mom’ that shows up at our house LOL
I absolutely LOVE this! Although you are right about wondering when the work day actually ends. I’m not sure when that time is either. Every once in a while I manage to escape by myself. When I get home, I’ll just sit in the car listening to the radio until one of the kids opens the door and discovers I’m home. Some good alone time would definitely help!
I do that too, it never takes long for them to discover me though. But if my husband was in his car, he could sit in there for hours unnoticed. Why is that?
AGREED! I think the thing I miss most about the corporate world is my commute. I used to spend an 45 minutes on a train at the beginning and ending of every day. I did SO much reading. Sigh. Don’t miss the job, but the time alone…
I have a very long wick but when I am done-I am done. When my 15 year old was little–bedtime was at 7:30pm and never one minute past. My husband less patience but more flexibility.We reached an agreement if he let things go on past 7:30pm the game was all his. It was my quitting time. It worked for both of us. I also always took one of my dogs for a 30 minute walk as soon as my husband walked in the door and changed into play clothes–I was gone. It made the last few hours of the day much more pleasant. An older mom once said to me when I was just starting down the parenting path….”step up and take your turn you will be a much better mom for it.” She was right.
♥
My husband has way more patience than I do too! I’m jealous of it in fact and TRY like hell to improve/increase my level. It’s SO hard. I think I would also add this to my mom contract.
Great post, Jessica.
Dude it totally is the car ride!!
So free.
Window down, music up, screaming the music out along with the days frustrations.
You need one.
Haha! My husband comes home and an hour later he is ready to go eat in the dining room alone. And when he’s done 20 minutes later, he’s asking “is it bedtime yet?” I guess a 15 minute car ride home isn’t enough!
HA! I’ll sign it for you if you will sign mine!
This is perfect. Deal!
I sometime find myseslf wondering what is wrong when I am in the car all alone with only quiet. It makes me feel like I have forgotten Prinipessa somewhere. 🙂
My mom contract would give up bath duty and laundry.
That is definitely a good idea, or better yet, ANY time out alone to yourself doing whatever YOU want is exactly what you need to feel refreshed and ready to tackle the kids. I told My Hubbi that I read an article saying he should give me at least 30 minutes to myself to do whatever I wanted, take the kids and get them away from me so I could surf the web/TV, read a few chapters in a book, or just stare into space w/o someone yelling “Mommy! Mommy!” or grabbing at me carelessly. He has since graciously done so =) Love him!
Like, you, I’d totally add an hour of time that I can do with whatever I want. I’d just go somewhere quiet. 🙂
I would adore and be annoyed at the same time by this abundance of patience. Hubby and I both struggle at times w/this but thankfully not usually at the same time. If I could add a benefit to my contract I think it’d have to be guaranteed mommy time w/absolutely no interruptions. Then again, I might miss all the craziness…
I lock myself in the bathroom when I need a sanity break. But I could totally get behind your drive home plan. Neither myself nor my husband has a lot of patience and we are both working on it.
my commute makes me more stabby by the time I get home. I hope summer will help me find my patience. I feel like teenagers wear me out all day and then the long commute and then a sobby toddler.
It’s a wonder I don’t hit the bottle as soon as I get home.
ahem.
Yeah, I’m not sure I could deal with teenagers all day and then come home to toddlers. It’s hard when you just need two minutes of down time and can’t get it.
FUNNY! I need to share this post with my husband… who always complains that he works TOO close to home because he only has 10 minutes in his car to “unwind” on his drive home. Absolutely love your posts!
So funny, wonder what he will say if he reads it. Hope he doesn’t start driving in circles after my suggestion!
Ha ha. Love it. Kenny definitely has more patience then I do.
You’re right. He has a window of time when he can decompress and rev up for kid time. SAHM’s don’t get even a little bit of that.
I like this addition…you should do it! Charlie is like this too. I don’t think it’s a patience thing with him – he just likes to keep doing more and more. I’m ready for bed at 7:30 for the kids and I’m always struggling to get the kids AND him inside to get ready to go down. I think I’d do 7pm if he let me. 😉
Same here, I feel like I’m the one always ruining the fun but someone has to end it at some point right?
Your hubby sounds like a great guy, even with all that annoying patience he has 🙂
I would LOVE a live-in housekeeper, that follows around behind us and cleans up after us all day long! That would be awesome.
I want an hour or two a week to go shopping BY MYSELF no into the cart, out of the cart, stay with the cart gymnastics! If I had that time to myself, even walmart would be glorious!
I would love to add an hour long car ride into my employment contract. Let me know when you figure out how to do that and who signs on the dotted line approving it.
You are sooooooo right on!!!! I have long been jealous of that car ride!!! And, I would, just once, like to be able to sing in the car without a little voice in the back telling me to stop, and that it is “her turn only!!!”
So funny Sue! I have yet to be told it is only their turn but I’m sure it is coming, the bossiness increases by the day.
My new daughter, Katharine Lorelai, is only 5 weeks old but already there is something I would like ammended… where in my contract does it state that I should now be considered incapable? People treat me like I won’t be able to function before lunch time / have a proper conversation / brush my hair / drag myself away from daytime TV… So I want a clause in my New Mum contract that states until I actually find myself in my dressing gown at noon / babble incoherently / look like a tramp / have a sofa shaped backside – I am still me, I just happen to be a Mum now! 🙂 xx
Jessica,
I double checked your marriage vows and it appears that there is a clause (in the very fine print) that entitles you to an hour a day of “me time”, or the equivalent spa time on the weekend day of your choice, in the event of adorable children.
Chaplin Chuck
P.S. Don’t let Mark know I let you know about this little cavet.
Woo hoo! If the Chaplin says it I am all set. Booking my spa appointment(s) now.
I would like the interruption of bathroom time to sometimes affect daddy instead of just me.
Ha – this made me laugh b/c it’s so true. My husband has so much patience too. but he can tune things (whining and screaming) out so well that it never phases him. But I would love that car ride home too!!! 🙂 loved reading this post
Ah- the car ride! Why didn’t I think of that?!
I think mine would have to do with sleep. And how to make it -ahem- more equitable!
Lovely as always!
How insightful! I believe you nailed that one on the nose. As a single Mom there are times when all I need is just time to step back and away from the kids to reset my mood. And that would make a world of difference. See if you can’t get that new contract and let us know how great it is! = )
You should take it. When your husband comes home, leave him with the kids for an hour and just go out by yourself and try to regain some of that sanity. 😉
I’m NEVER out after 7 either. Nice to know it’s not just me.
Can you imagine? What would you do without someone in there with you or at least talking through the door?
That would be mine! I’m not even a stay at home mom but I somehow still feel like I never get to go the bathroom in peace! My husband is the stay at home dad, and I think he might have something to say about the salary. Being paid in toots and sneezes isn’t really working for him.
So true! I seriously detest running but it’s the only time I get 30 minutes to myself with headphones on. It’s enough to get me out the door and pounding the pavement or even onto the treadmill. Cute picture of Mark and kids!
Maybe I will just start wearing headphones even when not running :).
My mom contract would include a house cleaner and laundry putter awayer.
Whenever I get to a point where there is craziness in the house – I put us all in the car, but on some of their favorite music and we drive around for 20 minutes or so singing together. It’s one of my favorite things to do.
We do this too! A friend and I have coined it the “sanity drive.”