Last night I watched my first five minutes of American Idol since Season One. Despite my love of reality television I’ve never been attached to the show and the only thing I’m really sure of is that Kelly Clarkston won once. Right?
Anyway, I put the remote down because the boy about to audition, Kayden Stephenson, was wearing the nebulizer mask my son so often needs. I wanted to show Parker a boy like him, who must have asthma but is managing to do amazing things like sing on national television.
I believe 30 seconds passed before my eyes were watering, maybe 10. Kayden doesn’t just have asthma, he has cystic fibrosis, a terminal illness.
He made it to the next round, ran out of the audition room to his awaiting family and told the camera he was “the luckiest kid in the whole world.”
I’ve been hanging onto his words since he said them.
Today I saw a set of triplets, two girls and a boy, exactly what I have, what I had.
I saw Kayden’s story for a reason last night. Seeing those triplets today stung, but something kept grounding me to the present. The days I should have are never going to be the ones I’ve been given. I buckled my kids into their carseats next to the triplet mom pulling away with the life I had planned. Before leaving I sat in the backseat, kissing heads and passing out I love you‘s.
As gratitude seeped in, I climbed into the driver’s seat.
The only way to stop going backwards is to keep on going forward.
Thanks Kayden. I will now watch American Idol to follow your success, even though you’ve already won.
Here’s a link to Kayden’s audition just in case you haven’t watched since Kelly Clarkston either.
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Brett Parrott says
When should I expect my first letter?
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I am going to follow Kayden this season too ( I have to confess – I have never watched American Idol!). My brother’s best friend died from CF at the age of 34. His parents were told that he would not live past the age of 10. I am so hopeful that there will be a cure for CF during Kayden’s lifetime.
I am here trying to stay in the present with you. Thank you as always for sharing. xo
Thank you for sharing your grief. I discovered your blog through a google search for dairy free muffins. Imagine that!? In less than 2 minutes I had also discovered you are baby loss mom. I’ll never truly understand how things like this work…I searched for dairy free muffins for my Rainbow baby girl who cannot have dairy, and I discover yet another kindred spirit. The silence of our loss and heartache is being broken and this brings me hope. Again, thank you. I will be reading your blog 🙂
So great to connect with you and glad that you found me in such an unlikely way. I’ll stop by and visit you as well.
Kate @ Mommy Monologues says
Your blog posts are always so amazing! This one is no different than all the others.
sarah @sundayspill says
kissing the little heads and buckling them in–I see you doing this so clearly. I’ll keep moving forward with you. There is always more good waiting for us ahead. xoxo.
Cyndy Newsome says
My friend’s son died from CF =( I think I need to watch this season too (I haven’t watched it since you have!).
I love that you are goiing forward, but I can still see the hole in your heart.
julie gardner says
Once again I leave here feeling lucky.
To know you.
I love that you so often find joy in the little things. That’s a gift.