By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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You are here: Home / Musings of Motherhood / Back and Forth

Back and Forth

By Jessica

Crying from upstairs sends me skipping our stairs as I wrap my robe.

He never wakes at night. My mind races to a fever or a fall, hoping it’s just a bad dream that I can talk away.

Outstretched arms and trembling lips are waiting for me at the door, even though I could have swore they were just in a crib a few days ago.

As I lift him, the weight and length of the boy he has become surprises me in that way it does lately.

There is no request for juice or toys or to lay in our bed, just the drift of his head to my shoulder.

I test out our old pace. Back and forth, baby to my chest.

Back and forth from nightime feedings to three stories before bed.

Back and forth from pureed peaches to a sandwich with no crust and an apple.

Back and forth from feet curled at my waist to a step stool at the sink.

Back and forth from a tiny life nestled under my heart
to a four year old still lulled to sleep by its beat.

last pregnancy

Back to newborn memories of yesterday
and forth to little boy adventures of tomorrow.

sawyer fishing

Linking up again with Shell for Rockin’ the Bump, you can see my first Rockin’ the Bump post here.

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22 Comments Filed Under: Musings of Motherhood


Comments

  1. Michelle says

    July 1, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    what a lovely and honest post! thanks for sharing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  2. Lady Jennie says

    June 29, 2013 at 6:37 am

    This is poetry. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  3. Greta says

    June 27, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    oh, I love both of these pictures. Isn’t it a sweet surprise when you’re taken back to the days when you were absolutely all they needed?

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 30, 2013 at 2:03 pm

      Yes! My youngest keeps heading off without me lately and I just want to yell “wait! Don’t you need me to help you or carry you or something??”

      Reply
  4. Jennifer Lizza says

    June 27, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Beautiful post! It mad my uterus cry a little. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It goes so fast. Capturing the journey is priceless.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 30, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      Mine is definitely crying too, I need to borrow a baby for a few days to remind me why I like the fact that my kids are growing up :).

      Reply
  5. Chris Carter says

    June 27, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    What a beautiful post and the pictures are breathtaking…

    Reply
  6. Erin @ His & Hers says

    June 27, 2013 at 10:17 am

    This is beautiful. We’re expecting our first and I cannot even imagine her being bigger than a “tiny life nestled under my heart.” (Love that.)

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 12:01 pm

      So glad we connected through Shell’s link up, I love your blog and look forward to following your journey into babyhood.

      Reply
  7. Leighann says

    June 27, 2013 at 9:41 am

    i was just rocking my three year old last night and thinking about how big she was getting. This is beautiful.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      It’s it wild? I still think of your 3 y/o as the flying baby :).

      Reply
  8. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    June 27, 2013 at 8:39 am

    My youngest just turned 4 – so this post brought tears to my eyes. The big and independent is in front of me, but I still see the little one he was. (Which seems only yesterday.)
    Such lovely photos!

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 8:50 am

      Thank you, I hope your youngest is like mine and still likes to be treated like the baby often. It makes it all a little bit easier :).

      Reply
  9. Alison says

    June 27, 2013 at 8:23 am

    So beautiful. The back and forth, it’s almost like flipping pages on a photo album. Love the way you wrote this.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 8:50 am

      Thank you, and that’s exactly the way I felt about it, and have felt often lately since he turned four. I keep looking back even though I need to look forward.

      Reply
  10. Julia says

    June 27, 2013 at 6:55 am

    This is such a sweet post and a lovely picture.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 8:50 am

      Thanks so much Julia.

      Reply
  11. Sarah De Diego (Journeys of The Zoo) says

    June 27, 2013 at 2:10 am

    Sawyer is rocking that hat.

    Lovely post. I always leave with a calmer heart even when you’re talking about the things that no one wants to talk about.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 8:49 am

      Aww thank you. xo

      Reply
  12. Rach (DonutsMama) says

    June 26, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    Beautiful post. And love that picture of you! You are gorgeous.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      June 27, 2013 at 8:49 am

      Thank you, I couldn’t find a single picture without my mouth open, apparently I talk through my entire pregnancies :).

      Reply
  13. Shell says

    June 26, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    This is so lovely. And the photos are gorgeous!

    Reply

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