By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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Room

By Jessica

Parker is getting glasses. They make him look older as do his growing legs and the place where his head meets my side. His new backpack is papered with superheroes and he is still debating over a lunchbox because Spiderman and Superman are both the greatest so it’s tough to give one the honor of carrying your sandwich.

Every time he sneaks a second on my lap I ask if he’s sure he doesn’t want to stay home forever and tell him I’m still working on my magical shrinking potion so I can carry him just-like-this for always and always. His feet press the top of mine and he turns to show me that age five is when you learn to roll your eyes at your mom.

He orders his own dinner at restaurants beginning with “please” and ending with “thank you” then proceeds to make a mask with his napkin and catches The Eye his dad gives when he begins a silverware sword fight with his brother.

I lean down, more often than not, to help him with socks he’s already straightened and shoes he has already fastened and stand up in time to shut the door he left wide open as he takes off on a newly-two-wheeled bike.

He buckles his own carseat and sighs while waiting for me to secure everyone else then begins his daily tally of how many words are hilarious when “butt” is used as a prefix.

Last night he wanted to sleep in our bed and the thought of putting him on a school bus soon trumped my insistence on a bedtime routine and his arms and legs are currently dangling from my side.

When he was an infant he always woke before his sister. They were tiny enough to cuddle together in one cradle so I would lift him from his side and re-swaddle him, laying him against my chest. No matter how expertly I wrapped his blanket, his arms and legs would wiggle in protest and pop out from every seam.

It was always a little too early and I was never quite ready to get up but I would unwrap him from his blanket and start our day.

As we left his room he would coo at the light peaking up from the windows and kick his feet with excitement over everything in sight.

Blinking my eyes and smiling at his energy, I would set him down just where he wanted, in a wide open space with a soft place to land and plenty of room to explore.

Parker flying

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18 Comments Filed Under: Musings of Motherhood


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  1. Debbie McCormick says

    August 16, 2013 at 12:00 am

    That was really, really beautiful. My 5 yr old starts k5 in a couple weeks and I am starting to feel the sadness creep in. It’s especially hard because she just grew up too dang fast.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:51 am

      I feel the same. Thank goodness my youngest has one more year until kindergarten, then I will really be crying!

      Reply
  2. Marta says

    August 15, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    So very lovely. How in the world does it all keep going by so fast. It’s becoming my least favorite thing this lack of pause button on life.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:52 am

      Exactly, I was a pause button.

      Reply
  3. Lanie says

    August 15, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    If you ever do find the recipe for the magical shrinking potion will you post it? It is amzing how fast they grow up. Also, did superman or spiderman win the honor of carrying his sandwich? xo

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:53 am

      He actually found a lunchbox that has a whole bunch of the superheroes on it so luckily he didn’t have to decide :).

      Reply
  4. Kathy at kissing the frog says

    August 14, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    So beautiful, Jessica. They grow up before our eyes, yet they’ll always be our babies.

    Reply
  5. julie gardner says

    August 14, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    I love that you never fail to take the time to celebrate your children separately.
    Yes, they – as siblings – are precious and their sweet moments together are memories you’ll always cherish.

    But you also highlight their individuality here. Regularly. Which is something THEY will always cherish.
    Well done, mama.

    Well done.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:55 am

      This comment means so much because that was something I always hoped I would be able to do, especially going from the mom of an only child for 12 years to the mom of 4 all at once. I want them all to be loved individually and know that they are.

      Reply
  6. christine says

    August 14, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    Beautiful in every way. Your words are like magic.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:55 am

      You are the sweetest, thank you!

      Reply
  7. Shell says

    August 14, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Oh, it goes so fast!

    This is so lovely.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:55 am

      Thanks so much Shell.

      Reply
  8. sarah reinhart says

    August 14, 2013 at 10:11 am

    what a lovely tribute to your sweet Parker. It sounds like he’s exploring and growing in every way. Both of you are learning slightly new roles and adjusting. What a beautiful balance there is here in that.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:56 am

      I think he;s doing a little bit better about his new role than I am about mine but I’m working on it ;).

      Reply
  9. Helen says

    August 13, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    Tough to watch them grow UP

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      August 19, 2013 at 8:57 am

      Yes it is, they seem to like it much more than we do.

      Reply
  10. Lady Jennie says

    August 13, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Beautiful. So hard to let them go. I keep calling my four-year-old “baby” and then I have to correct myself, “big boy.” I’m enjoying every second.

    Reply

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