Four Plus an Angel

Life after loss with one teenager, two surviving triplets and a rainbow baby

You are here: Home / Musings of Motherhood / Always be you

Always be you

By

Before it was below freezing the kids set up a soccer field in the yard. We only had one net so a dangerous rock and stick sculpture served as the other. It wasn’t really necessary because everyone ran where they felt like running anyway.

Ashlyn gave up on corralling the little ones and scored goals until her heart was happy. McKenna and Sawyer ignored the “no hands” rule to wrestle over the remaining ball and practice smashing fingers. Parker found an un-trampled cone and used it as a microphone to perform the opening song from the Lion King.

I watched our crazy little soccer musical and all the performers were my favorite but my urge to squeeze Parker was strongest. He is six and basketball tryouts were last week (I think?), and flag football started last year. I had to let him down gently that he would not land the part of The Nutcracker in the Symphony Orchestra’s production this year and explain he might have to practice for a few years and grow a few feet to land the lead role in a local theater. He took the news well and marched to our dress up bin for new possibilities.

If I had interrupted their five minute production I would have picked up Parker, because I’m allowed to until first grade, and told him to be this always. I would have asked him to please, please, please always sing with a megaphone and wear a costume when it’s not Halloween and be the best zombie at Zombie Tag because you take the role seriously.

Dance through football season and perform through soccer and try out for whatever you want. Whatever. You. Want.

Saturday night Parker and I squeezed into my computer chair and searched for a Santa costume in a 6X and on Sunday morning he was holding one of my eyeballs open to see if it was time for the costume store to open. We bought the costume and settled for ordering the beard and I was a little confused at my determination to buy a getup we really didn’t need.

But then there was that soccer game and that megaphone and those times I wanted so badly to pull him on my lap and say “be you, always be you.”

I double-looped his Santa belt tonight and promised I wouldn’t forget to ask his teacher if Santa costumes are allowed at the school Christmas party. I’m not sure it will always be this easy for him to dream big without thinking of the kid two desks over, but I hope it is. I hope nothing ever quiets his dreaming little voice and my applause is just enough to keep him singing.

kids dressed as santa

 

Comments

comments

Powered by Facebook Comments


Comments

  1. Such a great post. Even when he drives me crazy I always encourage my oldest to do whatever makes him happy. They only get such a short time to be this carefree.

  2. Oh your babes have such beautiful souls. And I had no idea that there was a rule that we could pick them up until grade one. Can I push it to grade two and throw in a public smooch?

  3. I needed to read this this morning. Yesterday was a hard day with my son. I realize now I was trying too much to “figure him out” instead of just letting him be himself. The differences are sometimes hard, but I know they are part of what makes him special. I hope he always feels that way!

  5. I love you and your beautiful words. I pray that my kids will be able to be them better than I was. I pray that Parker can too. You are a wonderful mom with a big heart for your special kids

  6. Love their soccer game. I hope that they will “always be you” too. Are you sure about the no picking up after 1st grade rule? Can there be an extension :-)? Going to check out your other sites. xo

  8. This post is another example of how you so beautifully spotlight your children as individuals in the midst of a blog that’s devoted to the love of your family as a whole.

    It’s another example of why I adore you and your writing.

    Parker is able to be true to himself because you are true to yourself and to each one of your babies. Always.

  11. I love this!! The most important thing is the happiness of our children, regardless of what it is and what others consider “appropriate” – he is a great kid as all of your are and you are doing a great job…your love and support is what truly matters.

  12. My son is 7 and loves to play with dolls – Monster High is his passion. He knows them all. But he has already internalized that this is something he cannot share with his friends at school. It makes me sad.

I’m a Member


Google




You can read my privacy policy here.