By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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You are here: Home / Grief / This is why we’re here

This is why we’re here

By Jessica

Late February of last year we drove to see the inside of a house we had fallen in love with on the outside. The whole drive there Mark and I took turns saying “we shouldn’t go” “let’s turn around” “this is way too far from everything.” In between, I’m sure we said things like “don’t throw your shoes” and “who brought Silly Putty IN THE CAR?” but I blocked it out of my memory.

After shaking hands with our realtor, we scrunched our noses walking through a laundry room that smelled like wet dog and then it went uphill from there. The fireplace, the kids’ rooms, the claw foot tub, the details my design-challenged self would never have come up with. Mark and I exchanged “can you believe this place?” glances as we crossed paths through rooms and stairways.

Once the kids were far beyond civil, I strapped them down in the car so Mark could talk to the realtor and hear his own voice. From the car I saw what looked like a tombstone under the porch so I got out to see what history was tucked under the wood beams. The stone was worn from almost 200 years of wear but the birth and death dates were in the same year, just months apart. A baby had lived and died here.

This weekend is our first big snow in the house too far from everything and sometimes we hear noises and doors open or televisions turn on but I like it. I don’t believe in hauntings or ghosts I just believe in the spirit of families that lived here before us. I understand deeply the mother who may have taken comfort by having her lost little one buried just yards from where the rest of her family lived on.

plowing

mark and parker

Mark is outside plowing with the kids and I’m not sure the snow is clearing much, just moving around from place to place while the kids vie for the next turn to help their Daddy. A few minutes ago I stood in the garage and took pictures from afar and watched the snow whiten the last of our steps as the kids fell every two feet or so.

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The chipped and faded tombstone sits just where I found it under our porch and the kids run past kicking up snow. Gloves are soggy and there is fog on my camera lens and the snow quiets everything but giggles. There’s living and smiling on memories and I’m very sure this is why we’re here.

tombstone

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18 Comments Filed Under: Grief, Musings of Motherhood


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  1. Charlotte says

    December 30, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    I love this so much. I believe that we share this world with many souls and spirits of people who have lived before us, who walk among us, who guide us… They’re not meant to be scary, but they have just experienced things on the other side, we haven’t had the chance to just yet. What a wonderful thing you did here by honoring the spirit of someone who lived before and creating happy memories with your own family now. So much love 🙂

    Reply
  2. Bec says

    December 19, 2013 at 7:46 am

    Oh wow. Just… wow. This was really touching, the photos just perfect, the story so moving. Love it.

    Reply
  3. Kimberly says

    December 19, 2013 at 7:26 am

    This may be weird but I do believe that our lives do seep into the walls. Our home was built in the 60’s. Most of our neighbors are the first home owners when the neighborhood was built. They tell us wonderful stories of them gathering at our house during holidays…watching the children grow…watching them throw wild parties when their parents went on vacation…the day our neighbor burnt the grass with too much fertilizer….makes me feel at peace here. You can truly feel the happy.
    I think it’s lovely that you are in this home.

    Reply
  4. Amy says

    December 19, 2013 at 7:15 am

    So many people buy a home and immediately set to erasing everything about the previous owners. I love that you aren’t doing that.

    Reply
  5. Nicole Leigh Shaw says

    December 18, 2013 at 10:54 am

    We’re such transitory people these days. Transitory and migratory. It rare to find places that matter. This is a lovely piece, a lovely home, for a lovely person.

    Reply
  6. Lady Jennie says

    December 18, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Oh my goodness. It was like that house was meant for you. Is the house 200 years old too? Everything about this story is enchanting and heart-warming.

    Reply
  7. Stacey says

    December 17, 2013 at 11:07 am

    This is such a beautiful post! I love that you honor the families who lived there before.

    Reply
  8. Kathy at kissing the frog says

    December 17, 2013 at 12:05 am

    See, that might have scared me away from the house – ironically, considering my own son died in ours. But I love that you feel connected to that baby’s spirit and aren’t scared by it. I think it really does mean something.

    Reply
  9. Lanie says

    December 16, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Wow – this post gave me goosebumps. You were definitely meant to be in that house. xo

    Reply
  10. Jana says

    December 16, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    Oh wow. This took my breath away. You were placed there to feel and experience this family’s spirit,

    Reply
  11. Dani G says

    December 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    I love this post. I think we may have to come play in the snow during our winter break next week!

    Reply
  12. julie gardner says

    December 16, 2013 at 11:58 am

    I believe in the spirit of the families that lived there before you, too.
    And the family that lives there now.

    Love.

    Reply
  13. Barbara says

    December 16, 2013 at 2:18 am

    Some things are just meant to be. This was such a great post.

    Reply
  14. Keesha says

    December 15, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    What a beautiful coincidence. . . And I love that the power of chance was strong enough to overcome the reasons why you shouldn’t even have been looking at this house.

    Reply
  15. Chrissy says

    December 15, 2013 at 10:11 pm

    Wow. So beautiful and such a beautiful reminder of all of the unseen places that connect us and are constantly reminding us just how much we are so loved. Xo

    Reply
  16. Susan @Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva says

    December 15, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Loved this! Gave me chills!

    Reply
  17. Niksmom says

    December 15, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Wow. This gave me a lump in my throat. So poignant. So…I don’t know what. But I think there are no accidents.

    Reply
    • Jessica says

      December 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm

      I feel the same, I felt such a strong feeling that we were supposed to be here and to honor the memories before us.

      Reply

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