When my kids were younger and their cuteness was compacted into three feet or less I often had the urge to scoop them up and carry them when they didn’t need carrying. Whoever’s cuteness I was trying to wrangle would resist, of course, because generally toddlers only want held when they are sticky and you are already holding all the things including a diaper bag dangling from your teeth. As soon as I would lift them they would push and wiggle and their cuteness would turn to stubborn toddler-ness and I would return them to their feet and a pursuit of something far more interesting.
Everyone is big-ish now. only asking to be held when they are tired or we’re at the furthest point of the zoo in 90 degree weather. I pick them up sometimes, because it’s my only arm workout and because the days I can lift them are dwindling. They like it, I think. One lays her head on my shoulder, one twirls my hair and the other whisper-asks me where I hid the candy stash from the parade.
I can’t carry any of them for long so I return whoever I’ve lifted to the ground and usually wonder briefly if they are too big to hold, if I should be teaching them to stand on two feet every moment. And I don’t really think so. Their childhood moments are as hard to hold onto as their fidgety two year-old selves.
Our summer has been so nice and shiny already. Some days are long and hot and whiney but that’s okay because I’ll look back and remember them as short and sweet and giggly. We’ve four-wheeled and slip-n-slided and doubled up on sunscreen to make up for the bottle we left at home the day before and I haven’t worried about a shortage of bread a single weeknight evening.
Everything has been slow and easy-ish but I still find myself struggling to carry it all. I want to scoop it up and slow it down but I can’t always hold on and love it. Some days I need time to write or migraine meds or just a shower without someone banging on the door. My patience is slippery and my energy is low but these are the days I will miss, I know they are.
I’m just going to keep on picking it up, holding it close and not tipping from the weight of what it should be.
What it is will be toddling away far too soon.
I would love your support to get my first children’s book published. I’ve only got about a week to go and am 3/4 of the way there… it’s all or nothing time…
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