I heard a quote recently that said something to the effect of “our kids are better versions of ourselves.”
In each of my kids I see little pieces of myself but I also see bits of them I wish I could put in my pocket and not just because I think they are adorable. I see singing in front a crowd and wearing your favorite shoes even though they clash horrifically with your pants and dancing through the frozen food section. I see all kinds of comfortable-in-their-own-skin displays that I’m going to work so hard to help them hang on to. Mine left soon after a long run of dance recitals in 1980 something.
Last night I decided to clean up my Instagram feed instead of my living room. In an effort to categorize my memories a bit I’ve hash-tagged my pictures so I can easily find them. My favorite hashtag I’ve used is #parkerpretends. I used it once a year or two ago, having no idea I would use it again and again and again. As I scrolled through my #parkerpretends photos I got a little choked up because oh this boy has taught me things.
I’m not sure he’s a better version of me, I think he is wholly himself, unapologetically, perfectly being who he wants to be each and every day. Every day he wakes up, decides what he wants to do and how he’s going to make it happen. He hides in our school room before the other kids are up, usually sneaking in the good scissors and the last of my tape and creates what he needs for the day. I’ve taught subtraction to a monkey wearing a top hat and given Santa his spelling test and my favorite moments of the day are his frequent costume unveilings.
I’m going to work on adopting his technique. It might take way too much tape and time and coffee, but I’m going to make what I have work for me and see if I can’t confidently show it off once in a while. We all deserve to know what we want and have the tools to make it happen.
Sometimes we just forget how on our way to growing up.
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Oh, Jess, this is so lovely. Your son is a sweetheart!
Love this. Gorgeous truth and gorgeous wish for this new year.
I hope my kids are better than I. I am hearing my daughter repeat things I say because of my mental illness and it scares me.
Hi Jessica,
I saw your name pop up on instagram and immediately clicked through to your blog. I recently lost my baby (stillbirth at 39 weeks) on December 21st and am in the process of grieving while also trying to keep moving forward for my husband and toddler and appreciate how precious life is. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story – I often fret about what to say when people ask me how many children I have. I have two, and I would feel awful saying one, but I also hate to have to explain myself and deal with the awkward or sympathetic looks. So, its nice to see someone putting it out there and not worrying about that. Anyway, I just posted my birth story on my blog, if you’re interested: http://alongcameollie.com/2015/01/03/henrys-birth-story-my-journey-of-love-loss-healing/
All the best to you,
Laura
I love the photos and how they help paint a picture of your life. Very cool.
And the kids, well I wonder sometimes about mine, what traits are theirs alone and what come me or their mom.
So much fun raising them.
I love this! And wherever the quote came from, it’s awesome! I’m finding myself being more comfortable in my own skin after having my daughter and learning from her… she is definitely teaching me a thing or two! Great post.
Awesome!! We should all strive for more imagination in our days.
I have to say, it’s one of my favorite hashtags of all time. I envy/applaud his imagination and energy.