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By Jessica Watson

Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby

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What no one told me

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You were born and I was a mother.

I didn’t fully understand that I had been a mom since the moment I saw two pink lines,

that I was being handed 6 pounds 14 ounces of the most fierce kind of love.

I didn’t know breathing you in would soften the blow of 2 am feedings and 5 am mornings,

that your gummy smile would cure a million hurts.

And no one could explain the hum of bedtime stories and the clink of tiny snaps in the dryer,

that giggles have their own color, their own shape.

I didn’t realize how many times I would re-stack a book shelf and cube cheese and cut off sandwich crusts,

that I probably still do it in my sleep when you dream of a good book or midnight snack.

I had no idea I would miss lugging you around on my hip and pushing a swing ten thousand times,

that I would cling onto any hint of the year before as it became the one after.

No one told me you’d grow out of squeeze-hugs and some days I’d wonder if I could fold myself into your backpack,

that watching you do things on your own could be more difficult than the days of doing everything for you.

I couldn’t have imagined standing eye-to-eye or needing you to explain SnapChat and how to hold a Wii remote,

that you’d teach me so much just by being.

And I never could have comprehended how much you would change and how much you would stay exactly the same,

how much yesterday looked just like today until you turned around and it wasn’t anymore.

Your birthdays have tumbled into the next and must have gained momentum along the way because here I am saying goodbye to your childhood and wondering how no one could have told me it would all go by this fast.

what no one tells you about your child growing up

Happy 20th birthday Ashlyn, you are so loved.

 

 

 

 

 

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  1. Krith says

    Happy birthday, Ashlyn!

    Jessica, I came across your blog yesterday quite randomly but I was riveted. You are a beautiful mother and the best mother for those kids! You’ll find me here commenting and cheering you on!

  3. Lori Wescott says

    I am so excited for the beautiful, young woman you have become, Ashlyn. Wishing you the happiest of days! Enjoy every minute of being 20!!!!
    -Lori

  6. Kate Coveny Hood says

    Happy birthday to an amazing young lady! I love hearing about her in Facebook posts. She is wise beyond her (TWENTY!) years. Hope today is just as fantastic as the birthday girl!

  8. Erin Janda Rawlings says

    Happy birthday, Ashlyn! Hope you have a great day and a wonderful year!

    Jessica, this post! Especially the tiny snaps in the dryer! Brings back so many memories. Hope you enjoy this day and celebrate this milestone!

  10. Carol says

    I breathed in every word of this beautiful birthday post. She was, and is a gift to us all. Yes, you did very, very good.

  11. Sisters From Another Mister says

    HUGE birthday greetings … wishing you the very best of everything on your birthday.
    Wishing you love, and joy and happiness for the year ahead – hope it is all you dream about.
    And as for you dear Jess … happy birthday dear mama … you did good.

  13. Hartley says

    Happy 20th birthday! I hope you have a fantastic day filled with family, friends and love! ?❤️