A funny thing happens when I get ready to meet a new group of moms. I psyche myself out by assuming no one will “get” me. It’s rare to find a mom with exactly the same circumstances as you right? Like maybe we should all wear shirts with a summary of our situation. “Loss mom, autism mom, preemie mom seeking mom-friend equally as neurotic, must carry hand sanitizer” would be my shirt logo designed with a really small font that would be easier to read when I’ve eaten too much salt and/or chocolate.
There’s one detail that rings true for every mom I know, no matter what her circumstances, one things that brings us together if we have the chance to talk long enough. We all want to be good at it.
Even the moms who say they are the worst moms or the most terrible mother EVER, they’re still good, they’re still trying their hardest to make this mom-thing work. It’s what we do. We wear our shirts or cover them with a hoodie or stylish sweater wrap thing and hope to connect with someone who can say “me too” or “I haven’t been there but my story can sit beside your story and hold hands or not even touch if that’s what you need.”
So here you go, just so you know…
You’re a good mom if you had a natural birth or a heavily medicated one or a c-section or a premature delivery where you didn’t get much of a say in anything.
You’re a good mom if you bottle fed or breast fed or tried solids too early, praying to the god of sleep for just. one. more. hour.
You’re a good mom if you brought fruit snacks for preschool snack or made something organic from Pinterest or decided preschool isn’t where it’s at for your three year-old.
You’re a good mom if you accidentally laughed at your first graders school pictures or spilled coffee on those sports forms or got to level 236 on Candy Crush only to have to speed-dry that soccer uniform one hour before the game.
You’re a good mom if you limit screen time or hand everyone an electronic device as they pile into your van or cave into obnoxious tv shows so everyone for-the-love-of-it-all stops fighting until the next commercial break.
You’re a good mom if you’re the master of the Crock-pot or a short order cook every night at 6 pm or serve peanut butter on a spoon for lunch in the thick of your worst migraine.
You’re a good mom if you roll through the leaves with your kids or watch them from the porch while you read a book or suggest stuffed animals CAN play Candyland when you just can’t do it for the 1472nd time.
You’re a good mom if you struggle through your special needs kiddo’s haircuts or decide long hair is just fine or give you husband the job next time.
You’re a good mom if you plan your week on Sunday or scan your calendar as the day begins or haven’t had time to write a thing down since the birth of your youngest.
You’re a good mom if you feel overwhelmed with one kid or have five and want three more or have had two miscarriages and a still birth as you wait for a living child to hold.
You’re a good mom because you’re trying, really trying, even when it feels like you’re not. You get up every day with the intention to do your best and you tell them you love them every night with the intention to try harder the next day and in their eyes, you’re a much better mom than you’ll ever give yourself credit for being.
Very pertinent to being a good momma is the book I’m reading now. I am NOT a fan of self help or how to books on parenting but I’m loving every page of this. It’s helping me to focus on what’s really important when parenting my kids and let go of all the stressors in our day that don’t contribute to happy little people. I can’t recommend it enough.
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