Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
You were born and I was a mother. I didn’t fully understand that I had been a mom since the moment I saw two pink lines, that I was being handed 6 pounds 14 ounces of the most fierce kind of love. I didn’t know breathing you in would soften the blow of 2 am feedings and […]
I took Sawyer for his Last Ice Cream of the Fives and while his feet dangled under our chairs at just the right height to repeatedly scrape my shins he asked the deep questions of an almost six year-old. When did you know I was in your belly? What was it like when I was in […]
Once or twice when Parker and McKenna were babies I came across people who were one of boy/girl twins. I went way past my social comfort zone and delivered my How Close Are You To Your Fraternal Twin? survey. After losing Hadley, I needed to know that McKenna would still have someone. You see, I […]
Mommy what do you want to be when you grow up? Besides wondering if I should be excited or offended that my daughter thinks I haven’t grown up yet, I was grateful for the question. Last week may not have been my best week of parenting. Anniversaries and birthdays left me in a cloud of […]
I smell like gasoline and I just peeled off jeans covered with hay and my eyes are puffy but not too puffy to see my wine glass. We’ve been talking about birthdays and celebrating and what is the difference between your birth day and the day you have a birthday party. It seems, to six […]
The kids sent me out of the kitchen this afternoon. I headed to the laundry room since cleaning the lint filter and sorting whites is as relaxing as life gets lately and I was close enough to hear the little voices mix with the big. Today was my first birthday as a mom that they […]
We spent Ashlyn’s 18th birthday in San Francisco. My brother lives there and my other brother and sister-in-law flew in to surprise her. She was a little overwhelmed by the crowds and the noise and I was a little overwhelmed by how in the world you find your way around such a big city. If […]
When Ashlyn was four or so and going through all kinds of medical tests, as kids with autism do, I remember one particularly awful appointment. She needed to be sedated and her IV wouldn’t go in and then she fought the anesthesia and I stood there trying to hold her and not cry or scream […]
We told your brother that pretty soon you would be able to run just as fast, pretty soon you would kick the ball into the net and pretty soon you would match him in noise. We explained to your sister that pretty soon you would protest a pink headband and tutu, pretty soon you would […]
Maybe it is because we’ve slowed into our fall rush or because they don’t need my lap as much anymore. But I catch myself looking at my newly fived year-olds as their own biggish, little people. I watch them two feet in front of me and see them as the rest of the world does. […]
