Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
When I was pregnant with the triplets I spent at least half my days of hospital bed rest searching for a “Big Sister of Triplets” shirt. They were easy to find in size 2 or 3T but no where to be found in 12 year-old sizes. My excitement when I finally found one probably caused […]
I smell like gasoline and I just peeled off jeans covered with hay and my eyes are puffy but not too puffy to see my wine glass. We’ve been talking about birthdays and celebrating and what is the difference between your birth day and the day you have a birthday party. It seems, to six […]
The year after Hadley passed away I made three little birthday cakes. Only Parker and McKenna would dig tiny fingers in and blink cake from their lashes but I made three because I had to, I couldn’t imagine not. On the day of their birthday party I got out the tiny cakes, balanced on one […]
McKenna is lining up Barbies at the window sill and huffing and puffing with an occasional “ugh!” as they refuse to stand. I’ve offered to help and so have her brothers but she has this stubbornness that she gets from somewhere and we don’t fit into the Barbie Fashion Show plan. From the window one […]
There is a butterfly that swirls around our house every day. It circles the garden when we are looking for strawberries and lands on our porch when I’m trying to talk someone out of playing in the mud. It’s the same butterfly every time because it is. I know it is. Sawyer has bent to […]
Everything has been new lately, new house, new school, new doctors, new hairstylist (more scary than a new doctor) and I’ve found myself telling certain stories over and over. One of them being the names of my kids and, when people ask, how we chose each one. I love telling each story because it takes […]
This week it will be six years since I started my blog. What started as a way to document my triplet pregnancy turned into a lifeline of healing for me and has opened more doors and brought in more friendships than I could have ever imagined. When I look back at all I have written […]
When Ashlyn was four or so and going through all kinds of medical tests, as kids with autism do, I remember one particularly awful appointment. She needed to be sedated and her IV wouldn’t go in and then she fought the anesthesia and I stood there trying to hold her and not cry or scream […]
Mark and I escaped on a rare date night over the weekend and shopped with no timeline. We wandered through aisles looking for a few missing pieces for the kids’ rooms and I was caught off guard by how much we don’t need any more. I tried to cure my longing for all things small […]
When Hadley passed away, another grieving mom suggested I get a piece of jewelry to hold a bit of her ashes. I sat at the funeral home, looking through catalogs of jewelry I never knew existed for such a purpose, and settled on a teardrop-shaped necklace. I wore Hadley’s necklace every day for years, feeling […]
