Life after loss with autism, preemies and a rainbow baby
She interrupted my bedtime tale to ask if we could call her. I wish we could call her sweetie, I whispered, my voice holding quiet, strong. These conversations becoming as much a part of our day as haphazard art projects and tumbling forts. But we can call her Mommy because it’s nighttime. We can find […]
I shower as the sun rises and before they realize it is a new day. Closing my laptop and vowing not to open it again, I gather the first of sleepy heads into my lap and watch his feet dangle, ever closer to the floor. There have been too many have to’s and one more […]
They duck through clothing racks but their glances trace back again and again. In and out, in and out, coordinated tutus and perfectly ponytail-ed hair. I see their question and pretend away the difference. Concentrating on the long legs overflowing from our toddler stroller, I distract her sleepy eyes with pink fabrics and sparkly shoes. […]
Capturing this conversation between my children and linking up with:
I tell them when they were inside my stomach they played with each others toes, wiggled the ear closest to them and decided on the best time to meet us. An “expert” once explained they could not sense the loss of their sister. Memory doesn’t form until much later in infancy. But I am their […]
No one told me that the age of four is the age of we-will-try-to-talk-you-out-of-going-to-bed-every-single-night. The latest bedtime avoidance technique is called Three Million Questions. I have explained away why we do not have chicken on Thanksgiving, why it does not snow in the summer and why I can’t make the snow come RIGHT. NOW. MOMMY. […]
You know those children who open the refrigerator door just to get something to eat? Who let their parents handle the disposal of toothbrushes, and would never think of touching their mom’s make up, or taking more than just a square or two of toilet paper? Those children who can walk past a can of paint […]
I have noticed a few things lately, How your hand doesn’t stretch quite as high to meet mine. That you don’t have to try as hard to keep pace with me as we walk. You pick up a book and pretend to read on your own and it isn’t even upside down. You wander a […]
Then I was young. You were born right on time, your due date. You were smiles and challenges and growing up together. Now you are almost grown. You are A’s in Math and contagious smiles and you are never, ever late for a thing. ——————- Then you were Baby A fragile and small, serious and […]
The nurses would always stop and ask if I wanted the volume turned off. My answer, the same every time. Laying in my hospital bed, I was lulled to sleep each night by the sound of three beating hearts. Despite the constant scares of impending delivery, their rhythms gave me hope. They were very much […]
